DarlingDoll Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Well I have been seeing my MM for about 8 months. He's probably sort of in love with me and at least infatuated. It's my boss and we have our encounters usually during business hours. Our lunch breaks etc are mostly filled with oral sex and cocktails and he gives me many breaks at my job. Mistakes on my behalf are looked over. He's also been paying my car payments for the last three months. But what I need help with right now are my mortgage payments. I'm afraid I might soon fall behind because another man I was dating is no longer helping me out. Any suggestions on how to ask for more money without being so forthright with the problem? I'm thinking of telling him that I might need to quit to get a better paying job because of the problem OR tell him I will need to be getting a second job and therefore not be seeing him as often after hours. As for the situation; it is just what I want at this point of my life. There is no hassle and no boring housewife chores or mothering tasks with screaming brats... his wife does all that and cleans his underwear while I really get the best part of him. I'm eight years older than his wife and it kind of makes me feel desirable and boosts my ego knowing that I'm probably more attractive than his wife and I'm eight years her senior. She's in her 20s and I'm in my thirties. I know he has children, but I never asked how many. I'm just guessing two or so. The thing is that this man is unbelievable attentive to me and pretty much is on my beckon call. I've never had a man so available and receptive to my needs and he does take care of me. I mean, he's the boss and rich and I am making love to him almost on a daily basis. Is it bad that I really don't have much feelings of guilt throughout all of this? I'm afraid that I've turned cold after my last marriage. The thing is that I have a high sex drive and this guy is just terrific in bed and very much endowed. This might sound crazy but I was actually thinking of trying to have a child with him so he could take care of me. I'm feeling that desperate lately in paying for my lifestyle after I switched careers a year ago. The problem is that I don't want children and I don't want to be the annoyance in his life like his wife probably is. So before it gets that desperate, I'm just going to kind of allude to the fact that I need money and that only in order to continue seeing him.
OWoman Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 But what I need help with right now are my mortgage payments. I'm afraid I might soon fall behind because another man I was dating is no longer helping me out. Any suggestions on how to ask for more money without being so forthright with the problem? DD I don't think you should be relying on men to help you out with money - in exchange for sex or anything else. If you need more money to meet your requirements, ask your boss for a raise the same way any other employee would ask their boss for a raise - on a professional basis. Relying on men to provide money as a favour is risky, as you've seen with this other man you were dating withdrawing that favour. You need to be earning your own money in your own right, otherwise you'll always be dependent on the whims of others. And then you WILL become more of a burden to your boss than his wife. If he can't give you a raise, look into taking a second job. He'll respect you more if you're doing something for yourself rather than relying on him. If you can't get the extra money, you need to think about downscaling your lifestyle to one you can afford. If you can't live within your means you will be heading for trouble, and there may not be someone on hand to bail you out. I'm sure you can get tips on how to ask for a raise in the work forum?
justice Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Get a better job and learn to support yourself in the lifestyle in which you are accustomed to. He is married with a wife and family of his own and shouldn't be cheating on that wife and family. I'm not trying to be harsh here, but your post makes you look greedy.
Author DarlingDoll Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 DD I don't think you should be relying on men to help you out with money - in exchange for sex or anything else. If you need more money to meet your requirements, ask your boss for a raise the same way any other employee would ask their boss for a raise - on a professional basis. Relying on men to provide money as a favour is risky, as you've seen with this other man you were dating withdrawing that favour. You need to be earning your own money in your own right, otherwise you'll always be dependent on the whims of others. And then you WILL become more of a burden to your boss than his wife. If he can't give you a raise, look into taking a second job. He'll respect you more if you're doing something for yourself rather than relying on him. If you can't get the extra money, you need to think about downscaling your lifestyle to one you can afford. If you can't live within your means you will be heading for trouble, and there may not be someone on hand to bail you out. I'm sure you can get tips on how to ask for a raise in the work forum? It's a little difficult dealing in a professional manner when your boss has been inside you. Forgive my crudeness, but it's true. I honestly don't think I deserve a raise either.
Trimmer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 This might sound crazy but I was actually thinking of trying to have a child with him so he could take care of me. I'm feeling that desperate lately in paying for my lifestyle after I switched careers a year ago. The problem is that I don't want children and I don't want to be the annoyance in his life like his wife probably is. My opinions on the rest of your situation would not be a productive contribution to this thread, however, I cannot stand silent on this point. DO NOT have a child as a tool to get him, or anyone else, to take care of you. DO NOT have a child unless you want to - and are able to - provide for it, nurture it, go through hell for it, and love it. A child is not a tool to provide you with a lifestyle, or to manipulate people around you. A child is not an abstract concept, a bump on your belly, a medical condition, a tax exemption, a support payment, a guilt trip, or a surprise. A child is a human being, starting out with a blank and innocent slate, who relies on you and only you for a start at some kind of life. If you remember that a child is a human being, the idea of not wanting to be a parent (which you said) but having a child anyway for the purpose of getting someone to take care of you not only "sounds crazy", it sounds evil. To use your own phrase: forgive my crudeness, but it's true.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 If I didn't know any better...I'd say you were a troll (the kind that mocks the OW...displaying/exaggerating her "uglier" qualities to make a point). But for the sake of argument, I'll take you seriously. Having a baby so you can have a financial hold over a man is a bit base, don't you think? Think about the kid. Ask him for a raise. And if he doesn't oblige, slap that bastard with a sexual harassment suit.
Citizen Erased Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Grow up and pay your own bills. Take out a second mortgage, cut down on luxuries etc. Live within your means, millions of other people have to so why should you be different just because you sleep with married men? I won't go into you sleeping with a MM, but at least the majority of the OW on here can afford to pay for themselves and don't use sex to get their greedy little hands on money which their MM's kids deserve.
Author DarlingDoll Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 My opinions on the rest of your situation would not be a productive contribution to this thread, however, I cannot stand silent on this point. DO NOT have a child as a tool to get him, or anyone else, to take care of you. DO NOT have a child unless you want to - and are able to - provide for it, nurture it, go through hell for it, and love it. A child is not a tool to provide you with a lifestyle, or to manipulate people around you. A child is not an abstract concept, a bump on your belly, a medical condition, a tax exemption, a support payment, a guilt trip, or a surprise. A child is a human being, starting out with a blank and innocent slate, who relies on you and only you for a start at some kind of life. If you remember that a child is a human being, the idea of not wanting to be a parent (which you said) but having a child anyway for the purpose of getting someone to take care of you not only "sounds crazy", it sounds evil. To use your own phrase: forgive my crudeness, but it's true. Sure, but what else would children be used for? Women have children every day to insure their needs and lifestyle be taken care of, as well as to link a chain to the hubby for life. In so many problematic marriages, both partners decide to have children in hopes of the child FIXING the marriage or bond between the two. You act like there should be no selfishness involved, but let's face the fact that women get pregnant for THEMSELVES because THEY want kids to fill THEIR urges and NEEDS for motherhood. The only time someone actually cares about the kid is when they grow a bond or when one becomes pregnant unexpectantly and thinks about the child first before THEIR lives (which is about to become inconvenienced). Spouses cave into one another all the time when they don't want children and it works out fine. Just because I don't have any animalistic biological URGE to pop out babies doesn't mean I'd be a lousy mother. It just means I tend to think with my mind first and not my emotions or tend to be consumed with instinctual feelings.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Sure, but what else would children be used for? Women have children every day to insure their needs and lifestyle be taken care of, as well as to link a chain to the hubby for life. In so many problematic marriages, both partners decide to have children in hopes of the child FIXING the marriage or bond between the two. You act like there should be no selfishness involved, but let's face the fact that women get pregnant for THEMSELVES because THEY want kids to fill THEIR urges and NEEDS for motherhood. The only time someone actually cares about the kid is when they grow a bond or when one becomes pregnant unexpectantly and thinks about the child first before THEIR lives (which is about to become inconvenienced). Spouses cave into one another all the time when they don't want children and it works out fine. Just because I don't have any animalistic biological URGE to pop out babies doesn't mean I'd be a lousy mother. It just means I tend to think with my mind first and not my emotions or tend to be consumed with instinctual feelings. So you intend to raise this child on your own? And what happens when you your MM hires a wicked lawyers and makes sure you see as little $$ as possible? And doesn't your child deserve to have a father in his/her life? Doesn't your MM have the right to choose whether he becomes a father? If you ask me, you're going to be screwing your kid royally.
Trimmer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Sure, but what else would children be used for? Women have children every day to insure their needs and lifestyle be taken care of, as well as to link a chain to the hubby for life. In so many problematic marriages, both partners decide to have children in hopes of the child FIXING the marriage or bond between the two. OK, aside from the fact that this amounts to the fallacious argument that "other people are doing it, so it must be OK", may I point out that you are not married to him, and I wonder if this would be a situation where "both partners decide..." Were you planning to come to this decision together? Besides, I still disagree with the idea of having kids to try to "fix" a problematic marriage anyway. You act like there should be no selfishness involved... Not exactly - I think the selfish reasons you cite are real and undeniable, and some of them (e.g. motherhood urges) are quite reasonable drives to have kids, but along with the selfish reasons, I believe that you'd better start out with at least a little bit of selflessness, a willingness to "do your time" as a parent for the good of the child. I don't hear that in your comments. So let me greatly simplify my point a little bit for you. The problem is that I don't want children... ...then don't have one. Just because I don't have any animalistic biological URGE to pop out babies doesn't mean I'd be a lousy mother. No, but having a baby you don't want, for the reason of tripping/trapping your unexpecting married man into sticking around, when you can't even pay your bills yourself may. I'm afraid that I've turned cold after my last marriage. Pay attention to this inner voice. What did you used to be like? What would that person have thought of the person you are now?
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I'm afraid that I've turned cold after my last marriage. And I bet you're a very unhappy person too. Everyone else has said what I've thought so I'll just add this. Get some therapy, I mean this nicely, but you're going down a scary path and your choices are only making it worse for you. If you want to be happier, stronger, and independant, then work on yourself and make the necessary changes within yourself to BE the woman you CAN be.
Lyssa Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 How come she's not replying now? I guess I haven't lived too long... have no idea people like this exist...
lindya Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I'm just going to kind of allude to the fact that I need money and that only in order to continue seeing him. You've indicated that you're a dud employee who only holds onto her job by blowing the boss. Other people in the workplace are going to be well aware of that. They're going to be resentful that they have to do extra work to compensate for your incompetence - and when the time comes for you to be dumped from the relationship and the job, you're likely to find yourself seriously short of friends. You've indicated that since your last marriage you've become very cold. People sometimes do that to get a false sense of strength, but ultimately all you being a cold bitch will really serve to do is alienate others who might otherwise be sympathetic to your plight (when it blows up) and help him to feel guilt-free when he dumps you and your financial problems by the wayside. Assuming any of your post is genuine (and stranger things happen in life) you'd best keep swallowing those cocktails, making as good a job of it as you can in order to prolong the good times for as long as possible....and start trying to sort your finances out before you get dumped out in the cold.
lovelorcet Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I am speechless... It takes a lot of work to be so self centered.
jesssica Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Don't take the lazy route. Be responsible for your own actions and work for a living like everyone else. You say you're in your 30's... grow up already! And it's worth repeating: "The one thing that I do not understand about affairs....Why would someone want another persons spouse? A.) They belong to someone else B.) They exchanged vows with another person C.) They can't promise you anything, they don't belong to you. D.) They are a lie. (this type of life is a complete lie, to their family and friend and to you!) E.) They are cheaters (who can trust or even want a cheater?) F.) Someone if not everyone will get very hurt."
Unforgetable77 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 does this person actually exist?? I find it so hard to believe! Its no wonder OW get a slamming, when people like this are setting the example I'm gobsmacked!! Is this just a glamourous version of prostitution??
jesssica Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 So before it gets that desperate, I'm just going to kind of allude to the fact that I need money and that only in order to continue seeing him. Honey, you're already lower than desperate. And do you really want to keep seeing him? Stop doing him favors already and get some self respect.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 does this person actually exist?? I find it so hard to believe! Its no wonder OW get a slamming, when people like this are setting the example I'm gobsmacked!! Is this just a glamourous version of prostitution?? I very much doubt this person exists at all...
Unforgetable77 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 AAAHHHHHHHH someone has an imaginary friend????
Impudent Oyster Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Well I have been seeing my MM for about 8 months. He's probably sort of in love with me and at least infatuated. It's my boss and we have our encounters usually during business hours. Our lunch breaks etc are mostly filled with oral sex and cocktails and he gives me many breaks at my job. Mistakes on my behalf are looked over. He's also been paying my car payments for the last three months. But what I need help with right now are my mortgage payments. I'm afraid I might soon fall behind because another man I was dating is no longer helping me out. Any suggestions on how to ask for more money without being so forthright with the problem? I'm thinking of telling him that I might need to quit to get a better paying job because of the problem OR tell him I will need to be getting a second job and therefore not be seeing him as often after hours. As for the situation; it is just what I want at this point of my life. There is no hassle and no boring housewife chores or mothering tasks with screaming brats... his wife does all that and cleans his underwear while I really get the best part of him. I'm eight years older than his wife and it kind of makes me feel desirable and boosts my ego knowing that I'm probably more attractive than his wife and I'm eight years her senior. She's in her 20s and I'm in my thirties. I know he has children, but I never asked how many. I'm just guessing two or so. The thing is that this man is unbelievable attentive to me and pretty much is on my beckon call. I've never had a man so available and receptive to my needs and he does take care of me. I mean, he's the boss and rich and I am making love to him almost on a daily basis. Is it bad that I really don't have much feelings of guilt throughout all of this? I'm afraid that I've turned cold after my last marriage. The thing is that I have a high sex drive and this guy is just terrific in bed and very much endowed. This might sound crazy but I was actually thinking of trying to have a child with him so he could take care of me. I'm feeling that desperate lately in paying for my lifestyle after I switched careers a year ago. The problem is that I don't want children and I don't want to be the annoyance in his life like his wife probably is. So before it gets that desperate, I'm just going to kind of allude to the fact that I need money and that only in order to continue seeing him. Maybe he'll pay you to wash his underwear as well as for other services rendered.
bunset Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 DarlingDoll, What do you think will happen if he fires you? What would you do if he got hit by a bus tomorrow? What if you both lost your job because you're 'doing' each other? What if he just says no? - meaning why don't you think you could just ask? Why did you lose the other guy that was paying your bills?
TogetherForever Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Maybe he'll pay you to wash his underwear as well as for other services rendered. DarlingDoll seems willing to do anything for some extra $$ so why not do the underwear?! Although some ow here will state that they do not want to do the job of their mm's wife.
TogetherForever Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Why would you have to "ask" for help with bills etc...?
Doody&Boo Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Are you kidding me??????? The man is MARRIED - leave him ALONE!!! It takes two but COME ON!!! Wake up, grow up and TRY to respect him, his wife, his kids and more importantly YOU and cut this $&!# out!!!
Author DarlingDoll Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Get off your high horses people. You know you'd do it if desperate. And many women trick their husbands ALL THE TIME to get preg! Don't act like I'm the only one in the world who has thought of this shi+ and if you needed the cash, don't be to sure you wouldn't succumb to the pressure. Now, I'm not heartless. I just have no feelings or guilt relating to the wife or the kids etc. She married a man in my dating range.. shouldn't she have seen this coming? As if he wouldn't cheat with someone else.. give me a break. The only scary part of this bit is that I'm starting to obsess over his wife. I do not have feelings for this man and am not in love with him or anything like that. I do not want to "steal" him or anything of the sort. But she is a stay at home mom pretty much and goes out when the kids are dropped off at school and I've caught myself driving by the school several times to catch a glimpse of her in the morning. I really don't see her as any competition as I'm pretty good-looking, but I get this tight knot in the pit of my stomach every time I view her but I CAN'T HELP doing this.. wtf is wrong with me? I have no feelings for this man, so why am I so curious about his wife. She's a stay-at-home loafer for pete's sake. I have a career, am independent etc and what does she have? A couple of screaming brats and a cheating husband and almost a decade of youth on me (yet I believe I look better). Jerks need not respond! Only helpful comments and advice on my situation PLEASE!@ Oh and HE WOULD NEVER FIRE ME. He has too many feelings for me to do this.
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