discoverychannel Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 so many times i say i am super over him but later on i realize i wasn't today someone tagged a picture of me and him in France on facebook... how did i feel? i look at him and i don't know... all i remember is a feeling of hurt, betrayal, broken-hearted. i'm so naive... i pretend to be strong. im not willing to admit my heart is weak and that my feelings prevail sure i know he's not attractive and not sweet and not a good bf. so what? i know his life doesnt matter to me anymore. i know. that's why i know there's no point to look at his facebook even tho i get tempted at times so what if i see what's his life is about ? i know there's no me in it. that's for sure i know he's over me by now with so many new frdz and his new gf i know that... i know im not in his life anymore and he's not im mine either. i am perfectly happy, even happier than before, without him i can think of a million reaasons for breaking up with him and how im better off now i know so clearly that i can do better, i WILL have better, and already have better i know that. i know but when i look at his picture? it's still the same. the hurtful feeling will always be there... i can never, ever erase our memories no matter how hard i try and that is the truth i cannot remove the imprint he left in my heart. why do i think i can? perhaps i will never be able to remove the imprint when i do see him again, i will probably feel like this. shocked. hurt. scared. i guess this is what they mean... u can never stop loving someone, even if the love ended up in hurt i opened my heart to him no matter he's worth it or not. i already did, and i can't close it again the wound will heal, but never will it be perfect like before. nothing can hide the wound i will and do fine perfectly... i suppose this is a lifelong emotional baggage. why would i be silly to think i can forget everything that happened btwn us? it ws our first time, first love. it doesn't matter anymore.. what happened, what a jerk he was it doesn't. the only reason there id an imprint is because.. we shared love at that moment and that's all that matters isn't it? it doesn't matter who he really is anymore i dun think i can force my heart to renew itself. i wouldn't be human than i guess it's true... that maybe i can't complete get over someone until the next one comes along i dont' know though, if i want to go through that again... i don't know. i need to accept how i feel. embrace it with love.. it's ok to still feel hurt.. what matters is I stand back up regardless of the pain, and continue to live on, proud i don't know what is considered moving on, or getting over someone where is the line drawn? i don't know. i doubt there is one. ppl say they are over someone, but are they really? sometimes they can even fool themselves i know i have .. many times. the heart is indeed weak. how can we just wipe away someone who connected with ourselves soooo deeply and passionately? we can try... but the feeling will still be there. buried deep inside... awaiting to resurface sometimes in the future that's how our body works. that's what makes us human... my conclusion is... we all try to fool ourselves. ppl who can get over the other person without any feelings left, are the ones who never had feelings to begin with or the ones who never gave their heart to the other person but anyone out there who is a human and has a heart? will never, ever, 100% get over someone. how can we? we opened the many barriers btwn each other as two individuals... and shared the deepest part of ourselves. we vowed to be together forever, and to love eachother... how can we forget? it is silly to think you can... as time goes on... i know the feeling will slowly diminish... to the point that i can say i'm 99.9999 % over him. i will probably think that i'm totally feelingless about him. but who knows.. someitmes in the future.. the feelings may resurface, and i might realize the feelings still exist. It's just that it's buried so deep now ... with new events, friendships, and feelings piling over it day by day. The piles get higher and higher.. and sometimes we forget we felt that way before but that does not mean it's gone. it takes digging.. but sometimes it will resurface unfortuately we can try to forget faster by piling ourselves to the point we can't handle it. but the pile may collapse and leave you there bare naked. all your hurt and weakness.. revealed What a funny creature mankind is. i know i have a lot of new and exciting things happening and to look forward to. I know I have a great future instore for me. i know it is only a matter of time. but right now i have so much to look forward to.. i look forward to getting school over with traveling around... with friends.. or by myself =) I look forward to finding someone .. my true soul mate. But i don't eagerly await it. if it comes it comes. if it doesn't, it doesn't. heart break is indeed a painful thing. it almost seems silly for humans to emotionally traumatize ourselves constantly, yet we cannot crawl back out of this hole once we fall in. Once it starts? there's no coming back out. We may be single, but Our hearts are no longer single. There will always be someone in there... even if it's the past I enjoy my single life. i do. I am very happy with everything i have and the path i chose. i have not, and cannot forget the feelings. I don't think about it. Too many things are piled over it. It really doesn't bother me, my "emotinal baggage". And i won't let it bother me for too long either =) i know tmr i will wake up, feel great, and walk out the door to face a new day And one day.... the hole inside of me will be filled with someone totally worth my love 100% ^^
NocturnalRaids Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 It's been 5 years for me (4 NC). You are on the right track. Evolution puts us here, has good intent and tries to bond to people to reproduce, then takes us off the face of the earth again. The first love is hardcore, cause in Cavemen days they probably only had one and only. It is meant to pair-bond two adolescents to produce offspring. Life was shorter, and thats why we start at it so young. Seems dumb how everyone hurts each other. I dunno, I think I would stay with a person that I liked for a pretty long time. Maybe take philosophy. I did that, but now find that I don't care about anything. It's a void I don't know if I can fill. Trust me, the feelings will leave you memory with time, you just wont recall much. You won't forget the hurt, even though you can't feel it. Don't fall for the yankee lie "There's someone out there for everyone" I don't believe in love, or at least am doubting the concept. Evolution is a see a need, fill a need type of thing. It takes feelings and tries to get you to jock some guys nuts. Dunno what to say bout soulmates. I looked in an birthday horoscope book............it said we were soulmates. She said it was only a book, but then again she never looked at it herself. This was after. She was my one and only gf...............I don't know what to think about that, except that the first love is intended to be long term.
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