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Bad boyfriend or am I just overreacting?

confused10

By confused10
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confused10 New Member

confused10

Posted
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I’m 18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend, also 18, for about 7 months now. There are some things in this relationship that kind of don’t seem right to me, but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting. Also, I have a very hard time meeting people. Anyway there’s some things about our relationship that bother me a lot and I want to try to fix it, but I don’t even know if that’s possible because maybe he and me just aren’t “right”.

Anyway..the issues

  • After 7 months together I have never met any member of his family. They have no idea I exist. He is very close to his family and he actually lives with his parents and 1 of his sisters. It’s so bad that, except when his parents and sister were on a 3 week trip to peru, I’m never allowed to visit his house. Meanwhile, he comes over to my place all the time and know all my family..my mother even thinks of him as almost a 3rd son. Since his family is so important to him, hiding our relationship from them makes me feel like its not important to him. Is that logical? Or completely overreacting?..I tried to talk to him about this issue before and he kind of ignored it…
  • lately he has developed this habit of ditching me on weekends. Sundays have always been off limits because he spends them with his family. And recently he’s always too busy on Friday and Saturday…and since we’re both college students and both work..the weekends are really the only opportunity we have to go out. We see each other during the week…but he never takes me out on dates anymore…we never really “hang out” anymore…and since I have a hard time meeting people, I usually end up feeling pretty lonely all weekend while hes too busy to see me. And it hurts me because I feel like he only spends time with me when he wants something or when he doesn’t have anything better. Obviously I understand theres more to his life than just us but I do think he should make a priority to spend time together and go out sometimes.
  • When we talk on the phone he mumbles a lot and I have a hard time hearing him..frequently, I kind of half-hear him say something about me or our relationship but he wont repeat them..usually things like he doesn’t believe me etc…also he often says things like “I don’t love you” or “I don’t believe you love me” or “I’m ****ing another girl”…and then he says its just a joke..it kind of bothers me and I don’t know whether to take it seriously or not.

So those are my issues…I’m really not sure if theyre actually important problems or I’m just being ridiculous..any advice about any of this would be greatly appreciated. Especially ideas about possible ways to improve this..because I really do love him and if its possible I would like to try to make this relationship better rather than just leave. anyway..any thoughts, suggestions, advice etc would be appreciated because like the nick says, I'm very confused right now

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you're not the only one he's dating. He doesn't want his parents to meet you because they've already met his girlfriend. Perhaps she's away at college, and they spend weekends together? I'm not omniscient, so I could always be wrong, but something doesn't sit right with me here.

Citizen Erased Established Member

Citizen Erased

Posted
Posted

I agree with SG. And even if he isn't dating someone else, he is without a doubt not the sort of boyfriend you should be with.

oppath Established Member

oppath

Posted
Posted

Most people learn to have better relationship by some bad experiences. He is not behaving well towards you. There is no reason for his family not to know about you unless they disallow him to date. Well, even if that is the case, you have been together long enough for him to STAND UP for you.

 

This is one instace where an ultimatum would be good. Tell him "I care about you and I want to meet your family. I share the people in my life with you, and I want you to share the people in your life with me. When can I meet them?"

 

If he says "you can't" say "I don't think that is fair." Be a broken record until he gives you a damn good reason, and then break up with him.

Ariadne Established Member

Ariadne

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

He probably just doesn't want a serious gf.

 

He doesn't care too much to see you, ditches you on the weekends, and mumbles on the phone. He's not into it.

 

Plus you both work and go to college, it's a bit much. Probably the guy just wants to relax on the weekends.

 

What can you do,

 

Ariadne

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