Author popey Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 I was being facetious with my last comment. As for asking around, unless you have honest friends... I doubt they'll tell you that you act childish. Why would you feel punished for doing something, out of the kindness of your heart? Think that over a bit more, it really sounds like you're just twisting logic to me. You should feel pleased that he had a good night out with the boys, not punished because he chose not to see you afterwards. One is selfless and the other is selfish. The act of giving should be selfless. I'm a very direct person, I hate playing word and mind games (although I know quite well how to manipulate if I have to). I say what I mean and mean what I say. If you wanted him to come see you and spend time with you, ask him and I'm sure he'll comply. Don't skirt the issue and hope he picks up on your hints. That's not communication, it's playing games. I'm sure he's thinks this way also, based on the fact that you guys argue a lot. He cannot read your mind, nor does he think like you... this means that he probably doesn't pick up the hints you toss around. Then to him, "you bite his head off", coming from somewhere in left field. It all makes perfect sense to you though. Learn to communicate, I will guarantee that things get better between the two of you (or at least you'll find out sooner if you're meant to be together). It's love after all, not politics. I do have VERY honest friends, and we don't protect eachother from realizing flaws and mistakes. We seek to grow and learn with eachothers' help. They will tell me. It wouldn't be the first time they've told me a truth that makes you cring, while appreciating that you can count on the honesty. I actually communicate ALOT and tend to be so direct that people don't believe I'm saying what I mean at times. But I think I get your point that direct in stating what something means in my mind, does not necessarily communicate the same to his mind and therefor can be as ineffective as being intentional indirect. Will work on that. I have already apologize for lashing out. Now I will talk to him about some more of this. I think if we both try to do more of what you suggest (think about how this feels/seems/means in the other's brain), that might go a long way. We also need to try to work on reactions: I am too quick to feel overwhelmed with feelings of hurt, betrayal, and devalued. And I lash out irrationally. Then he gets completely defensive, shuts off, and denies facts and logic for the sake of keeping his mind in the frame of- no wrong doing. We should work on that together, and independently. I will state my understanding of my failures/short comings up front first. Hopefully that will help to lower his guard against communicating. You have been helpful. Thanks. I'll get some time soon to look up some of your threads and look to find an charecterstic to call you out on... ya know... for the sake of fairness and equality. P.S. I'M NOT A BABY!
Darkzen Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I have trouble communicating at times, due to not fully elaborating the supporting thoughts when talking about things. I go from A to C and people are like "WTF", because it doesn't make much sense without B. Although, in my head, I've already thought over B and it makes perfect sense in my head. I'm also a bit cynical and quick to make assumptions. I also use circular logic in my debating and it really pisses people off. My writing style also seems aggressive to many, like I'm attacking them (I'm just extremely blunt at times). I'm also too much of an idealist at times. I'm sure there's somethings that I'm leaving out... but I know what my faults are very well. I'm honest with myself and look at things that I don't particularly want to see. Somethings are fixable or at least controllable. Others aren't so easy to deal with, I understand this and try to keep myself out of bad situations. Such as, the fact that I'm a pretty deadly individual. I was infantry in the Army and trained as a MMA fighter, as well as studying martial arts for the majority of my life. I've been in 1 street fight and ended up crippling 3 people. So now, I will not fight unless I have no other choice. This is because once I get to that point, I have zero control over myself, reflex and training take over. Thankfully I intimidate most people with my size/appearance and it's very rare that I even have to defuse a situation. Some of the people here will tell you that my views are scary, but then again I could say the same about their views. I'm capable of very nice things, but if you treat me unfairly or I feel threatened, I'm capable of some very bad things. Let me clarify that... if you treat me unfairly or I feel threatened to the point of losing my composure/control.
Timberlane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I fall on the other side. I see evidence of wanting to control the situation, regardless of the attempt at flexibility. Either you remove the collar or not. Removing the collar but then, telling him to heel, makes no sense at all. Yeah, it's like rollin' the window down when you get into the driveway. Aint no point anymore puting that dog head out the window, no wind man.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Yeah, it's like rollin' the window down when you get into the driveway. Aint no point anymore puting that dog head out the window, no wind man. Ruff life being a dog... No respect or freedom.
Author popey Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Timber & Trial: Ok. I get it. While I still think, as does he now admitt he would feel the same if I did it to him; that it is fkn rude. If he was going to stay out with his friends all night, I would've accepted other plans. He too said, if I had done this he would've been pissed and thought it selfish and rude. That being said, I clearly over-reacted and made it out (even to myself) to be more agregious then it was. And yes, I was portraying an ora of altruism, that I now see was not what I achieved. Live, Learn, Grow. Thanks for the insight.
Author popey Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 I have trouble communicating at times, due to not fully elaborating the supporting thoughts when talking about things. I go from A to C and people are like "WTF", because it doesn't make much sense without B. Although, in my head, I've already thought over B and it makes perfect sense in my head. I'm also a bit cynical and quick to make assumptions. I also use circular logic in my debating and it really pisses people off. My writing style also seems aggressive to many, like I'm attacking them (I'm just extremely blunt at times). I'm also too much of an idealist at times. I'm sure there's somethings that I'm leaving out... but I know what my faults are very well. I'm honest with myself and look at things that I don't particularly want to see. Somethings are fixable or at least controllable. Others aren't so easy to deal with, I understand this and try to keep myself out of bad situations. Such as, the fact that I'm a pretty deadly individual. I was infantry in the Army and trained as a MMA fighter, as well as studying martial arts for the majority of my life. I've been in 1 street fight and ended up crippling 3 people. So now, I will not fight unless I have no other choice. This is because once I get to that point, I have zero control over myself, reflex and training take over. Thankfully I intimidate most people with my size/appearance and it's very rare that I even have to defuse a situation. Some of the people here will tell you that my views are scary, but then again I could say the same about their views. I'm capable of very nice things, but if you treat me unfairly or I feel threatened, I'm capable of some very bad things. Let me clarify that... if you treat me unfairly or I feel threatened to the point of losing my composure/control. Circular arguments TOTALLY piss me off! I draw flow charts when arguing with people like you! Agressive writing style? NOT ****! Losing control... THAT'S FOR BABIES!
jcster Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 The moral of this story is to not make self-sacrificing offers to your S.O. If you hadn't offered that he go out with his friends, and hadn't considered it a sacrifice to do so, you wouldn't be upset right now. And, as you've found out, setting up movie dates after the bar is a recipe for disaster.
Darkzen Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Circular arguments TOTALLY piss me off! I draw flow charts when arguing with people like you! Agressive writing style? NOT ****! Losing control... THAT'S FOR BABIES! Everyone loses control... the question is how much does it take for it to happen. My limit is 9 years in an emotionally abusive relationship and/or I feel physically threatened. What's yours, three phone calls pushing back the time of a date? And I know why circular arguments piss you off... you're very strong-willed and/or stubborn. It seems like it takes a lot to make you willing to consider other outlooks. Circular logic is all about asking questions to force people to look at things outside of their own perspective. Most people hate this because it forces them to see things, that they never considered and/or didn't really want to admit.
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