Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Trust is a strange beast. If you expect unconditional trust from someone, you'll have to give it. Blind trust is naive, I think. I was there and learned my lesson, quite painfully, if I do say so myself... Why create situations where it's easy to erode on trust? In doing so, you can cause frissures that break into crevasses, with the right (wrong) stimuli.
Author spookie Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 If you weren't dating someone, and if that someone hadn't told you B had feelings for you, there wouldn't be anything wrong with your behavior. However, you are dating someone, that someone told you that B liked you, and that someone and B are friends. It's shady, no matter how you're used to behaving. Yah, yah. You're right about this part, and this is why I feel shady too. I really shouldn't have done that. For what it's worth, I didn't feel like B liked me that way after the party. He was chatting up other girls and got one girl's number. Actually she is my friend and I heard from her that they hung out today. When I was heading to his house, I just didn't feel any sexual tension from either side - if it had been there, I wouldn't have gone. And, I didn't expect to spend the night - it was just really late and we were both exhausted once we got to his apartment. Excuses excuses. I do feel bad for what I did. I was pretty drunk and really tired and a succession of mediocre decisions were made. That's how I feel about. Hopefully, it isn't unforgiveable. I'm going to tell A before B or someone else does. As I said he ALWAYS knows when I'm lying, so hopefully he will realize I am not when I tell him, AND he will be understanding. I guess what bothers me MOST about what I did was that, honestly, what the hell could my motivation have been? Attention. That's what makes me dislike myself a little bit when I think about what happened - and I think that A will be able to figure that out.
fray718 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Could someone please tell me why we need this FWB's category at all? I mean, if you want sex without feelings, use a friggin appliance. I think anyone who wants a FWB is fooling themselves because if they truly wanted detached sex (which is all it is.....don't be fooled by that "friends" part), they'd masturbate instead. Who even created this category anyway? It didn't even exist when I was growing up. If you're in no shape for a relationship....then don't have one....including a FWB one. Is that so difficult? Why do people find it so difficult to be without someone for any length of time? What drives you to have a FWB? Is this so that he doesn't find someone else while you decide what to do? :laugh:...I know what you mean, I just despite this fwb category. I never heard of it while growing up until it happened to me (without me even knowing!) and ofcourse I was pissed/confused as hell. I think spookie should either just have him as a bf only, or a friend only, nothing shady in between.
tanbark813 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 particularly relevant in this instance given that men aren't the only players in the world... You're reading way too much into what I write. I never said women couldn't be players. The OP, however, is not. And I also never said to ask ONE guy.
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 You're reading way too much into what I write. I never said women couldn't be players. The OP, however, is not. And I also never said to ask ONE guy. No, dude. You are reading way too much into what I write. In response to the women who disagreed with your opinion, you originally said: "No disrespect to the women posting but when you want to know how a man thinks: ask a man." This statement can only be read one way: you're suggesting that because the OP asked what the dude was thinking, she should be asking MEN for their opinion, not women. In response to that, I'm merely pointing out that men and women can both be players (she was, after all, asking whether we thought SHE was also "playing"), and thus she need not focus only on the opinions of dudes. Stop being so damn defensive already.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 No, dude. You are reading way too much into what I write. In response to the women who disagreed with your opinion, you originally said: "No disrespect to the women posting but when you want to know how a man thinks: ask a man." This statement can only be read one way: you're suggesting that because the OP asked what the dude was thinking, she should be asking MEN for their opinion, not women. In response to that, I'm merely pointing out that men and women can both be players (she was, after all, asking whether we thought SHE was also "playing"), and thus she need not focus only on the opinions of dudes. Stop being so damn defensive already. Give him a break. He's bitter.
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Give him a break. He's bitter. With a scary avatar too! (I'm hoping that's Halloween related...)
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 With a scary avatar too! (I'm hoping that's Halloween related...) Glad you took that the right way. I'm just pushing Tan's buttons. Nope. It's a pic I snapped off a few months ago. Sets the mood, doesn't it? It's representative of a prison of my own making. Don't ask. You know I'm twisted.
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Glad you took that the right way. I'm just pushing Tan's buttons. Nope. It's a pic I snapped off a few months ago. Sets the mood, doesn't it? It's representative of a prison of my own making. Don't ask. You know I'm twisted. I meant Tan's avie, not yours. But yours is pretty dark too!
tanbark813 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 No, dude. You are reading way too much into what I write. In response to the women who disagreed with your opinion, you originally said: "No disrespect to the women posting but when you want to know how a man thinks: ask a man." This statement can only be read one way: you're suggesting that because the OP asked what the dude was thinking, she should be asking MEN for their opinion, not women. In response to that, I'm merely pointing out that men and women can both be players (she was, after all, asking whether we thought SHE was also "playing"), and thus she need not focus only on the opinions of dudes. No, you are! Of course women can be players but they generally aren't because they generally don't need to be. And in this case, she's not. She's genuinely interested in this guy. As far as where the guy is coming from: I didn't mean to say only ask men. I made that post in response to you saying to disregard my advice. Why? All I was saying is he might really be interested or he might be a player. The point is, guys tend to think like other guys. That's not to say that women don't have insights but when I want to know what a girl I'm dating is thinking, I ask a female friend. When I want to know why my car is idling rough, I ask a mechanic. When I want to know how to sing better, I ask my voice teacher. When I start to ramble, it's because I had 4 beers at the Ren Faire today. The source is as important as the information itself. With a scary avatar too! (I'm hoping that's Halloween related...) Those are contacts I ordered for my Halloween costume this year. They just arrived yesterday and I'm a little excited about them.
norajane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Regarding his friend. This one's tough to explain. Since my LTR ended, I've become used to a certain lifestyle. I've become somewhat of a sociopathic party-girl, if that makes any sense. I enjoy meeting new people and pushing social boundaries. I'm NOT a slut, I don't even make out with that many people, but sleeping over at someone's house that I met that night, for example, in his bed, is exactly what I would do on a typical Thursday. It's just fun. This is very disturbing: drunk girl in stranger's bed. I get it that you miss your ex, and you're lonely, and you're probably seeking validation anywhere you can get it. BUT, winding up in bed after drinking...consider yourself very lucky that you haven't experienced date rape. Spending the night in bed with your best friend is one thing. Strangers are far more unpredictable, especially when drunk, and that makes them far more dangerous.
Timberlane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Nope. It's a pic I snapped off a few months ago. Sets the mood, doesn't it? It's representative of a prison of my own making. Don't ask. You know I'm twisted. I thought it was pretty cool and different. I figured you had a twisted outlook, which is commendable.
Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Of course women can be players but they generally aren't because they generally don't need to be. Interesting, I've never heard that before. Why do guys "need" to be players? Those are contacts I ordered for my Halloween costume this year. They just arrived yesterday and I'm a little excited about them. Very, very scary. Very scary.
tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Interesting, I've never heard that before. Why do guys "need" to be players? If a hot guy and a hot girl walk into a bar looking to meet people, the guy is going to have to put in relatively more effort. Men are typically the aggressors, and women typically play the receptive role. It's just a matter of environment.
uniqueone Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Those are contacts I ordered for my Halloween costume this year. They just arrived yesterday and I'm a little excited about them. Those are really cool, but where did you get the mask? (just kidding, I swear....)
uniqueone Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Regarding his friend. This one's tough to explain. Since my LTR ended, I've become used to a certain lifestyle. I've become somewhat of a sociopathic party-girl, if that makes any sense. This does not draw up a pretty picture. For some reason I keep picturing Tara Reid. I enjoy meeting new people and pushing social boundaries. What does this mean exactly...pushing social boundaries? I'm NOT a slut, You're probably too young to remember this but when I read this it reminded me of Nixon's line: "I am NOT a crook!" I don't even make out with that many people, but sleeping over at someone's house that I met that night, for example, in his bed, is exactly what I would do on a typical Thursday. Me....I'm usually doing wash on a Thursday night....don't you have any wash to do? Actually, I kind of think A shares this philosophy with me. I think as long as I'm honest with him, he wouldn't mind. Would you be able to replace "I think" with "I know"? Sorry if I was being a bit of a smartass in this post but there is a legitimate question or two in here.
Timberlane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 You're probably too young to remember this but when I read this it reminded me of Nixon's line: "I am NOT a crook!" Oh, man. But the Chinese respected him dammit. They never understood his disgrace.
Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 This does not draw up a pretty picture. For some reason I keep picturing Tara Reid. Me too!! Me....I'm usually doing wash on a Thursday night....don't you have any wash to do?
uniqueone Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Oh, man. But the Chinese respected him dammit. They never understood his disgrace. Actually they were just too busy mixing lead paint to care.
mmlobe Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Sure. I think so. I make friends with some nice guys on myspace.com, meetrich.com, plentyoffish..I like internet, and I like makeing friends on it, and even dating some... But I dont find my Mr. right for now, I believe I will some day:p
Author spookie Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Well, I picked him up from the airport last night and we got drinks. I told him what happened with his friend - he thought it was shady but believed that nothing happened and said he was cool with it. We had another great evening. Still no sex. I'm really falling for him though.
oppath Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I'm really falling for him though. Well, this means you CAN'T have a FWB relationship!!!!!!!!!
Author spookie Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Well, this means you CAN'T have a FWB relationship!!!!!!!!! Yah. I don't want to jump too fast into anything though. I'd rather we set expectations as we go along instead of agreeing to a default set and misunderstanding each other. For now I'm cool with just "no hooking up with other people".
Author spookie Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 I think I ruined their friendship. On Thursday, B told A, in confidence, that he liked me. Later that night, in confidence, A relayed the message to me. On Friday, B told me, in confidence, that A was a playing me. On Sunday, in confidence, I told A what B said. On Monday, A confronted B about it and proceeded to "cut him out". I don't know who the worst person is amongst the three of us is, since none of us are apparently capable of keeping our mouths shut, but I think it's between me and A's "friend". It was crappy of him to have trash-talked A like that... but on the other hand, it was crappy of me to have gone along with everything when I had the least to lose. At least B hoped to gain something... I was just there for the pool, the video games, and the drama. Anyway, that's that. Just an update.
oppath Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 When ever a group of people know each other -- and multiple people like each other -- secrets are stupid. They will get out. You can't share loyalties to multiple people. For example: "don't tell Oppath, but my ex boyfriend proposed to me one week before I dumped him." What do you think is going to happen when that friend sees me and I'm crying about the breakup?!? If you share friends, NEVER say "don't tell this person XYZ" because what happens when that person asks about it? You have to lie via omission to their face!
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