RedEyes99 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Hi all, I just need some input from others. I just found this forum today while googling as I couldn't stop thinking about what happened to me. It was a small party. I passed out and they were the only ones left drinking. She said she was drunk and that they only kissed and that my best friend did not want to go further. She could only remember kissing him and doesn’t remember the rest and sticks with this story to this day. I suspect if she didn’t have her period, it would have lead to sex. How I got suspicious? After another night of drinking at the same place and I did not suspect anything at this time so that’s why we were back at the place again drinking. I saw her sitting down side by side with another guy she barely even knew on a couch that had a lot of empty room watching a movie at 10ish in the morning. There wasn’t any touching with hands nor their upper bodies were touching each other but only that their thighs were touching. I know that if you don’t know a person well enough, you would have space between them. Right? I went to sit down and then she slid over to me and wrapped her arms around mine. After driving home that day, and after I was telling her that I know something is going on, she told me what happened between her and my best friend. I confronted my best friend months after the incident and he was surprised and breathing for air while asking me what she told me. He then said that nothing happened and that it was just a brief kiss. She was the one who was drunk and she jumped out of nowhere and landed her lips on him to kiss him. She also confessed that she was the one doing the bad and blamed it on being drunk. He was so nervous also. He said they didn’t want to tell me or my marriage would have ended. I’m still with her; we got kids, and will never leave them. I just want to know the truth but she keeps denying nothing more happened. It’s been years after the incident and it keeps coming up whenever I get really pissed at her. I thought I had moved this to the past and moved on but I just can’t stop thinking about it. This came up again last night and she still denies my accusations with the couch situation. Will a woman ever tell? Should I keep pressing her? Will I ever stop thinking about it?
jerbear Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 There are things a woman would never tell. I wouldn't pry anymore. Forgive but don't forget. If she does it again then it is another story. As guys, we could never forget and it would eat into us. Just be careful when you two argue in the future, don't bring this up.
reboot Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Will a woman ever tell? Not usually. Will I ever stop thinking about it? Probably not.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Perhaps you should have a chat with her about what you consider acceptable behavior. Does she think its ok for you to kiss other women? You both need to agree on some boundaries!
Lyssa Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Perhaps you should have a chat with her about what you consider acceptable behavior. Does she think its ok for you to kiss other women? You both need to agree on some boundaries! Right on! Even when you're in a relationship, a couple should set some boundaries with one another! Have you ever tried talking to her? Sit down and really talk? If no, then you might want to try that... if she avoids doing so then something more MIGHT have happened.
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Honestly I don't buy the "i dont remember what else happened after that" .. what a damn cliche. Sounds like a copout to escape any further responsibility. "Oh I don't remember, i was drunk". She DID remember the kissing though. It's usually always MORE than what someone admits it to be. I mean a kiss doesn't seem so bad when something entirely deeper went on. But I hope that's not the case. Hopefully you have a very decent friend and a good wife. Did you tell your friend what your wife told you before he shared with you his side of the story?
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Will a woman ever tell? Should I keep pressing her? Will I ever stop thinking about it? She will never tell if (1) nothing more happened or (2) she is sure she will never get found out even though more happened. Pressing her more will lead to nothing more than damaging a relationship that is already on shaky ground. If she wants to tell you, she will. If not, your pressing her will not solve anything, except widen the rift between you two. That's a tough one. Do you want to stop thinking about it ? If yes, then you may, someday, be able to get over it. If you don't want to stop thinking about it, you will never be able to get over it. Are you really able to forgive your wife for her indiscretion and for cheating on you like that ? If yes, you will, maybe, get over it someday. If you can't forgive her for what she has done, it will always be there in the back of your mind. Make a choice about whether you want to let it go, or not. If you are not able to choose to let it go, deal with it accordingly. Obviously there are more issues here that need to be resolved besides this one incident. Try marriage counseling to get rid of those issues and to help you to deal with your resentment and frustration at her past behaviour. Just my two bits .. Bobby
michelangelo Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 q: Did you cheat? a: How dare you think even ask the question you jerk! q: I know you cheated, i followed you to his apartment. Why did you cheat? a: Boo-hoo-hoo! How could you do that to me? You should not have followed me, you jerk! q: Um, you didn't answer the question. Why did you cheat? a: Alright, I did it. Are you satisfied? It was your fault, and it only happened that one night. Days, week,s months stretch into years. It doesn't make sense to you. In your gut you know it was far more than a one time thing. so you begin to question again. q: I don't buy it that it only happened once. How long did the affair go on? a: This was so long ago, stop asking me that question! Even more time goes by with variations of this question asked over and over to no success. q: OK, that's it, I've had enough. You either tell me how long the affair went on or we divorce right now! How many times did you sleep with the guy and how long were you in an affair! a: Boo-hoo-hoo! I am not giving you details.. It is so sick that you would want to know! q: I don't want the sleazy details, i want to know the length of the affair, we both know it was not a one time thing. I want to clear the air. This is your last chance. Say it now! a: Sigh. We slept together numerous times and it lasted more than a year. Boo-hoo-hoo. q: What?!! So you were lying to me, the marriage counselor, your family right after it started? You wanted me to forgive you the one time thing and all the time you were still sleeping with that guy? And you call it sick that i wanted to know the scale of your affair? What did was rob me of my life by not telling the truth, hiding things. Going to the marriage counselor and acting like you were past it all, needing to move forward. all those intimate personal things you said were essentially made up so you could have me off your back. a: yes. But I'm not in that space now. q: Gee thanks
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Yup, a cheater gaslights like mad. Patter, patter, patter, spin, spin, spin. Thank god I did the research before confronting my ex-H. Games up when each lie is revealed as such. It's like a game of chess. Lie or deny, evidence, I take your pawn. Lie or deny, evidence, I take your knight. Lie or deny, evidence, check. Lie or deny, evidence, checkmate. The cheater loses but the sad reality is, that everyone loses.
michelangelo Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 But when I said it back to her, I said 2 years and she didn't bat and eye and hasn't refuted that figure. Yeah, the gaslighting continued even past the point of diminishing return in protecting their "dignity" once the affair is admitted to. The twisted logic is pretty cruel to the spouse who wants to know the truth so they can decide what it is they are to get over if they are staying.
rockerdude Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Amen, to everyone's reply...well said. (Can you believe that is all I have to say...lol)
bish Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Hi all, I just need some input from others. I just found this forum today while googling as I couldn't stop thinking about what happened to me. It was a small party. I passed out and they were the only ones left drinking. She said she was drunk and that they only kissed and that my best friend did not want to go further. She could only remember kissing him and doesn’t remember the rest and sticks with this story to this day. That is a load of ***** if I ever heard it. Regardless...kissing is enough. What? She thinks that if it is just kissing you should be any less angry? I suspect if she didn’t have her period, it would have lead to sex. She still could have sucked him off....and probably did. Still could have been body parts fondled. Even if that wasn't the case, she cheated...period!! How I got suspicious? After another night of drinking at the same place and I did not suspect anything at this time so that’s why we were back at the place again drinking. I saw her sitting down side by side with another guy she barely even knew on a couch that had a lot of empty room watching a movie at 10ish in the morning. There wasn’t any touching with hands nor their upper bodies were touching each other but only that their thighs were touching. I know that if you don’t know a person well enough, you would have space between them. Right? Yup...some ppl might say this doesn't mean anything...be lets not be naive. I went to sit down and then she slid over to me and wrapped her arms around mine. Damage control After driving home that day, and after I was telling her that I know something is going on, she told me what happened between her and my best friend. I confronted my best friend months after the incident and he was surprised and breathing for air while asking me what she told me. He then said that nothing happened and that it was just a brief kiss. If he was nervous about what she told you, then of course something more happened. If they "only" kissed...then what more was he worried that she told him? Dude..more went on, you can bank on it. She was the one who was drunk and she jumped out of nowhere and landed her lips on him to kiss him. She also confessed that she was the one doing the bad and blamed it on being drunk. Then she can never drink again. but then again, that excuse is bullsh!!t. All drinking does is make help you do the things you really want to do, but that you just don't have the guts to do sober. He was so nervous also. He said they didn’t want to tell me or my marriage would have ended. I’m still with her; we got kids, and will never leave them. I just want to know the truth but she keeps denying nothing more happened. It’s been years after the incident and it keeps coming up whenever I get really pissed at her. Oh I understand this one all too well. The cheater exiles the BS to a life of continuously and sporadically having to think about the betrayal. The cheater can move on, but the BS has a permanent scar from it. I thought I had moved this to the past and moved on but I just can’t stop thinking about it. This came up again last night and she still denies my accusations with the couch situation. Will a woman ever tell? Should I keep pressing her? Will I ever stop thinking about it? No, you will never stop thinking about it. In the end, I divorced my wife. I held on because of the kids...but then I found out the reason I couldn't let it go...because I knew she was a liar and I found out other instances. In the end, it was better to kick her out. I know you have kids, but you will never trust her again and really, she doesn't deserve trust...especially if she is going to continue to lie about it and give you reason to suspect her further. And this best friend of yours...I hope you dropped him. With a friend like that, who needs enemies?
bish Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Perhaps you should have a chat with her about what you consider acceptable behavior. Does she think its ok for you to kiss other women? You both need to agree on some boundaries! A friend of mine actually had a gf that lied to him about what she did. It was almost the same situation..."it was only kissing"...but he suspected more. So he made up a story that he kissed someone else and no sex went on, but some petting. Then it pissed her off and she came clean saying she did have sex with the guy. He then told her that it was made up to get the truth out of her....he said he then simply stood up, walked towards the door and just before he closed it said, "have a nice life ho"
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