Grinning Maniac Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Oh sweet Lucifer...another one of these threads? What the hell is wrong with you broads? Guys look at porn every now and then. So what? Deal with it. Call it a trade off for having to deal with your "feminine problems" every month and general lack of logical thought. Do you ever see men complaining because you ladies have vibrators? NO. So please. Stop with this. It makes no sense. Our looking at porn does not mean we want to cheat on you. It does not mean we don't love you. It does not mean we think you're ugly. It does not mean we don't want to sleep with you. It does not degrade women, as you do a fine job yourselves. If you're so goddamned insecure as to think that because we look at porn, we think less of you...seek some help. @am705: You win "Nutty Woman of the Month" in my opinion. You ask your boyfriend about looking at porn a few times a WEEK and also go on his laptop to check for porn? What are you? The Masterbation Nazi? That little paragraph about porn being the downfall of mankind was just the icing on the cake. You have serious problems. I can, on one hand understand your displeasure with your boyfriend for lying to you about continuing to look at porn. Lying is never good, but you shouldn'tve made him promise that in the first place. Unless he has a giant vault for of porn tapes and his johnson is red and raw, this is YOUR problem, not his. You sound like you're trying to "train" him into not wanting to look at porn. That's kind of twisted. He's not a puppy. Masterbation is not some immoral thing that needs to be weened off of. All you should worry about is whether or not he's cheating on you and whether or not he's providing you with the proper love and affection that goes into a relationship. If he'd rather stay in and beat off to Jenna Jameson than go someplace with you...ok he has a problem. If not, then just calm down. It's not that big of a deal anywhere but in your own head.
ceek Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He likes to look at bondage porn, and this doesn't bother me because it is his interest, and since I'm not interested in it - he doesn't get too much 'bondage satisfaction' from me. I'd like to make it clear that I don't have a problem with guys looking at porn, i know it's natural and something that will always happen. My boyfriend used to be on 56k dial-up internet, and if he was inactive for more than 30 minutes he would be disconnected, so he always used to line up porn downloads in his kazaa to keep the connection active. It makes sense to me. A month or so he got ADSL, and now every time i ask him what he's doing (either on icq, or when im at his house) he says "downloading porn". at times he had made me sit and wait for him because he's downloading some porn and wants to wait for it and then watch it. Wilst looking at porn is natual - what about looking at porn 24/7? Is it a healthy obsession? I asked him why he masturbates when I'm at his house, when the result is that he won't be able to have sex (it takes him at least 24 hours b4 he can do it again). I would assume that sex is better than masturbation for him - but he told me they are two different things and he can't compare them.. huh??? maybe someone can explain this to me. because to me it feels like he'd rather masturbate than have sex with me. I realise that he is masturbasting over things that he doesn't often get with me (bondage mainly), but he used to ask me to do things to him, and I would. he doesn't ask anymore, so it doesn't happen much (although i do try to surprise him occasionally, but it is hard for me to get into it when it doesn't turn me on). Any thoughts?
Mr Spock Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 I've never dated a guy that needed 24 hours to get another erection.....whatever his problem is it's not just the porn, that's a symptom of an underlying problem (withdrawing socially? I don't know.....living in fantasy> ) I don't think it's fair at ALL to ask someone to stop masturbating!!!! I love how women here seem to think masturbation is only for single people......
ceek Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 It's not 24 hours for an erection, just 24 hours before he can orgasm again. And i certainly dont ask him to stop masturbating, i just figure if im around then surely he'd rather have sex with me than masturbate. is that unreasonable to assume?
Julie76 Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I have a story very similar to yours. Hopefully yours will turn out better. My ex-boyfriend used to download a lot of porn. He had some transexual porn and I stumbled upon. I freaked out. I didn't understand why he would download that. He must be into guys or at least transexuals. He was embarrassed but he didn't see anything wrong with it. If he told me about it himself it would have been a little better but I still wouldn't understand so I can't blame him for not telling me. We went out for 3 years so I was shocked when I found it. I broke up with him because I was so upset. That was the dumbest thing I have ever done. I didn't tell anyone else the reason why we broke up because I still loved him and it didn't look good for me either. But I did ask random guys about transexual porn and they all said ohh that's gay and of course I would never look at that. Months later I was on the Internet and there was a pop up ad that had a bunch of links of all different things teens, lesbians, transexuals, bondage, etc. I clicked on the transexual link and saw that there are hundreds of these sites. I asked one of my friends if he ever saw this and he said that they even have multiple ads for it in typical porn mags like Hustler etc. It was then that I had the realization that the majority of the people who have looked at this are straight men. Just the amount of volume of it and amount of hits and downloads combined with where they target some of the ads there must be a number of men who might be interested or curious by it but they are straight. But if they are straight would these guys ever admit that they look at it? I think most may be too embarrassed and if they are not gay they probably wouldn't want people thinking that they are. Because even the guys who have looked at that crap themselves will make fun of and call another guy gay for looking at the same exact thing. I know this because I finally found out how to get some straight guys to admit that they had downloaded transexual porn. I asked them straight out and of course they denied it. A couple weeks later I would be at their house or apartment and I would mention how much looking at transexual porn turns me on. I would tell them it gets me so hot. You should have seen how fast these guys pulled up already downloaded transexual porn. A lot of these trannies look exactly like women except for (you know) and some don't. These guys were really into women. They watched mostly hetero guy-girl porn but they also had some tranny stuff. I didn't understand it for a long time but a lot of guys download a lot of freaky **** that they would probably be embarrassed of if a lot of people knew. It is not common for girls to do this so I couldn't comprehend it. I was barely cool with him masturbating to regular porn and all guys do that whether they admit it or not. I have known a lot of guys who denied it forever before finally admitting it. Well, when I finally figured all of this out my previously heart-broken boyfriend moved on with his life and was dating someone else. I tried to get back together with him but he said it was so hard for him to get over me, he had to move on and he was now in love with someone else. He married her and I know he was perfect for me. I know it can be overwhelming and scary to see that your fiance has looked at transexual porn. When you see how pervasive it is out there rest assured he is not the only straight guy that has looked at it. If he has downloaded a lot of it, that alone would not make me think he is gay. If you thought he was gay before and if you had a deep feeling he was gay before you found this then I would trust that instinct to investigate further. If it is only since you found the transexual porn that you have had that feeling I wouldn't worry about it. Most of the guys who have downloaded that stuff are straight and won't even admit downloading it if you catch them. It also depends what your overall relationship with this guy is to begin with. If he was an ass this is your chance to leave. If he was a great guy don't let this ruin your trust because even guys who are the most trustworthy won't mention it to you unless they feel that is what they really want and they really gay. If you have any questions feel free to ask me. Sorry I rambled on but it is too late for me and I would like someone to learn from my mistake.
umyeah Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 ok i have the same problem with everyone else i guess. I can't stand it that my boyfriend looks at porn. I don't have a good selfesteem as it is. And when he looks at porn it really makes me feel ugly and like i'm no good anymore. He says he looks at it all the time and that its just easier that way. I wish he were the same as we used to be. I miss the way he used to look at me and the way we used to make love for hours on end. We used to 3 or 4 times a day. Now its down to whenever he wants it. I just feel so depressed all the time. I can never compete with those women. They are so much more beautiful than i am. I don't think i'm that ugly in fact i've had comments coming from other guys. But what really matters is my boyfriend doesn't even pay attention to me anymore. It makes me so sad. I wish this phase ( i hope thats what this is) fades away soon. Some please help me realize what this is. Guys give me some kind of insight. I've been with him for 3 years now and we have a daughter together......i love him so much, i just hate how he makes me feel sometimes....most of the time.
LatsyrcSC Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 I'd only see it as a problem if he uses it to masterbate, and has nothing to do with you. My girlfriend at work has a boyfriend who watches porn all the time (and I guess does his business when she's at work), but he never has sex with her.....MAYBE once a month and that's a big maybe. When it gets to this point it's definitely a problem. And my reply to the above post....there's definitely a problem there. I'd say he's addicted to the porn. Once you get used to watching porn, it gets harder to get aroused just by regular intercourse. Why don't you try something a little kinky in the bedroom... Like doing stuff to yourself in front of him while he watches?
umyeah Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 yes he does use it to masturbate to it. and it seems like i've tried everything. It just feels like hes not attracted to me anymore. I even try to be the girls in the porn...i give him oral sex and i let him do to me what turns him on. So i just don't get it now.
yolanda1000 Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Originally posted by umyeah yes he does use it to masturbate to it. and it seems like i've tried everything. It just feels like hes not attracted to me anymore. I even try to be the girls in the porn...i give him oral sex and i let him do to me what turns him on. So i just don't get it now. Guess what! I just came home to find out that my boyfriend watching porn and masturbating!! made me sick! I can't think of anything else. Earlier on, I used to think that I'd be able to handle this kind of situation open minded and can talk to him. But it just didn't go like that. We both felt awkward. my mood is so bad now. I know it's not so bad thing, like cheating or anything. but i can't get rid of my anger. ****.
Grinning Maniac Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Umyeah, you actually have a problem that needs to be dealt with(even though you still comes off as whining with all of the "omg the porno women are hotter than me." B.S. stop that, please.). You boyfriend seems actually addicted to porn if his sex drive has seemingly dropped so dramatically. First off, have you actually talked to him about you feeling neglected like that or are you just keeping your mouth shut hoping he'll get some magical hint or vibe. If you haven't already...TALK TO HIM. I doubt any man without SERIOUS fargone problems would ignore a woman telling him "I want you to **** me more.". "Honey...I'm bored. I was wondering if you'd like to **** my brains out for a few hours?" *fapfapfapfapf-* "Damnit, bitch! Can't you see I'm busy??? Now I have to start all over!" If this is the case, consider getting him some counseling because he has a problem and you probably won't be able to solve it yourself. Now you, yolanda1000...you just sound pathetic. You caught him masturbating? Oh no. OH MY GOD HOW COULD HE DO SUCH A THING IN PRIVATE WHILE YOU WEREN'T HOME???!?! THE NERVE!!! Give me a break. So what? What is there to be angry about? The difference between men and women on this is subject is amazing. If I came in on my woman laying in bed, fingerbanging herself, I'd get turned on and pounce on her like some rabid animal. But with women, it seems the exact opposite. You act like you caught us taking a dump on the kitchen floor or something. Christ, what is it with all you women and your masturbation complexes? Are you telling me none of you broads use vibrators or anything? Jeez... Also, let's get back to this thing about you gals feeling you're unattractive because we happen to like to look at porn sometimes. That's complete BS and you should get it out of your head before you drive yourselves insane. Face facts, if we thought you were ugly, why would we be dating you? Solely for your personality? Ha! We'd find someone closer to our supposed "porn star" standards. So, no. You're fine. We just like the fantasy when we're having a wank. What do you want us to do? Beat off to terribly ugly chicks with half of their teeth missing just so you feel better about yourselves? These threads are a Fort Knox of comedy...
moimeme Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 what is it with all you women and your masturbation complexes Hey! It's not all of us!
SnowWhite Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I think it is perfectly normal for a guy to want to watch porn and I can't imagine my boyfriend staying with me if I told him what to do. No, wait if my boyfriend would even consider listening to a request like "you are not allowed to watch porn" I would be so turned off. Where is this supposed to end btw, can I tell him not to have hot friends that are girls? should I check through his phone history everynight to make sure he is only talking to guys? Originally posted by am705731 I am usually pretty good at keeping tabs on guys and what they do on computers, but I really thought that I could trust him. He was very good about hiding it. We talked about it and we developed a program to try to help him. Ugh 1. You don't keep tabs on the person you love 2. you don't develop a antiporn program for him...hes not a crack addict hes a grown man Ok a porn obsession is not a good thing, but women obsessing with jealousy over the fact that their SO watches porn seems just as bad.
Saturn Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 There are lots of different viewpoints on this subject, and believe it or not, i can understand all of them. In my case, On the one hand, I watch porn (though not that often.. once a month maybe, and i dont always use it to get off) and i like watching porn with my boyfriend. On the other hand, my boyfriend watches porn on his own quite often. I'd say every other day or more. While I don't want him to stop, i did tell him i was a little uncomfortable with it at first, but after we talked a bit about it and he told me why he likes it and so forth, i got over it and it wasnt really a problem. The only time it is a problem is if A) he denies me sex or B) if we watches porn while i am in the other room. Once i caught him watching porn while i was watching tv or something, and i just politely asked him if he would not do that while i am around and save it for his alone time. But then he told me he did it so that he would last longer while we had sex that evening.. soooo i guess emen have their weird reasons for porn.. i try not to let it get to me
corythosaurus Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Originally posted by HokeyReligions yes, but. . . wouldn't it be nice sometimes to be able to air-brush our own cellulite, moles, freckles, dimples, etc., the way they do in the magazines? YES! YES!YES!
YellowLioness Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Lol. All this fuss over porn... One time I fell asleep early, and when I woke up and came out into the living room, my SO was asleep to a porn video with his d*ck in his hands. lol. I just don't see what the big deal is. He got horny...I wasn't there... he took care of himself. I like porn too, just for ideas and such. I've never considered it cheating that he likes to masturbate to porn. I know he thinks I'm hot (he takes naughty pictures of me and keeps them in his wallet, and uses them as he needs to). I just think he likes dirty pics. It happens. lol. I mean... it's a video tape... those girls are not actually in your living room or sitting on your boyfriend's keyboard. Plus, they're airbrushed and digitally enhanced as h*ll! They don't look that good in real life. Other wise, they'd be in acting, and not just porn. Some people get off to hentai... Anime porn if you all don't know what that is. Would you consider that cheating, if the girls that he's masturbating to are cartoon? And about having flaws... we all have them. No one, no matter how airbrushed, has the perfect body, myself included. IMHO, if you all were more secure with how you looked, you wouldn't be afraid of porn video. Really, we are all beautiful.
bunnygrl07 Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 First of all, to the guys who are giving advice, it would help immensely if you could be a bit more helpful and a little less critical. If you hadn't noticed already there are more than a few women who feel this way. Second of all, vibrators are different from porn. There is no personality attached to it. Totally impersonal peice of rubber and wires. The girls in porn are people, albeit slutty ones, with names, eyes, different sized tits, tons of makeup, and the whole bit. Third, you should therefore make the connection that the reason why normal women start dressing like hoes it to get attention. It's what guys seem to want and they aren't sending a message that tells us any differently. And yes, I too am one of those women who feels a little bit uncomfortable about the porn thing. I just simply don't understand why he does it. I'm up for sex all the time. I beg for it. I'm always ready for more. In the four years we've been together I've said "No" only once because I was feeling unwell and nauseous (I think it's a good reason). I also have no problem with masturbation. It's a healthy necessary thing. We incorporate my toys in our sex. I get hot after watching a steamy scene in a movie or Real Sex on HBO. But despite all that the porn bothers me. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. When I know he's been checking it out recently and we start getting it on I get all self conscious because I don't look as perfect as those girls. My hip bones don't pop out when I bend back, I have freckles on my shoulders, and I don't shave every single day of the week. I don't feel attractive in comparison. If he can look at that and get off, why does he need me? Yes, I know, he loves me. But does that automatically equate to sexual attraction? Does it matter that I've gained a couple of pounds this past winter? Is he going to see that zit on my chin? Girls are very aware that guys are visually aroused and what it comes down it is that we are afraid we don't do it for them after spending time ogling perfect silicone breasts, blonde hair, and shaved pussies completely free of razor burn. So now that the guys can understand why it bothers us, try to explain why it shouldn't without being condescending and advising psychiatric help. Why isn't it enough for a guy to fantisize about his girlfriend? Why the porn?
leeroy1985 Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by Grinning Maniac Now you, yolanda1000...you just sound pathetic. You caught him masturbating? Oh no. OH MY GOD HOW COULD HE DO SUCH A THING IN PRIVATE WHILE YOU WEREN'T HOME???!?! THE NERVE!!! Give me a break. So what? What is there to be angry about? The difference between men and women on this is subject is amazing. If I came in on my woman laying in bed, fingerbanging herself, I'd get turned on and pounce on her like some rabid animal. But with women, it seems the exact opposite. You act like you caught us taking a dump on the kitchen floor or something. Christ, what is it with all you women and your masturbation complexes? Are you telling me none of you broads use vibrators or anything? Jeez... now this guy is f**kin funny! Ive been p**sing myself laughing at his comments.... but they are true! Whats the big deal? its just porn, how would you react if you walked in on him shaggin the family pet? for god sakes stop moaning.... if we were to ask our partners for sex everytime we got randy then you'd get fed up and still complain so we pull one off while watching someone else do it! Its nice to have a 'Tommy Tank' now and again because we dont need to worry whether it was good enough for our lady or if we came too quick or whatever! Its just one man, his penis and a porno, no worries..... now stop going on ladies and go buy a new skirt or something!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Why isn't it enough for a guy to fantisize about his girlfriend? Why the porn? Because being in a relationship doesn't magically change a guy's sex drive. He fantasized about other women before you, and just being in a relationship isn't going to stop him from having a healthy fantasy life and sex drive. He can choose to narrow down his choices or partners to just one, and he can choose to cut back on his masturbation or change his technique as to not interfere with his ability to make love to you, but to expect that he will somehow be able to alter his very brain chemistry (in terms of his fantasy and masturbation brain functions) for your benefit is unfair. You are expecting him to change who he is - even down to his very private fantasies and thoughts, to suit who you want him to be because you are insecure with yourself compared to porn women. I can understand you two making the choice of monogamy for each other, and the love you make is NOT the same as the masturbation to porn he does to himself. Unless he needs to be looking at porn in order to function with you, then why is it such a problem with you that he uses it during his PRIVATE masturbation sessions, of which you play no part? Yes, I can understand being threatened by the idea of 'perfection' and while to you these girls are "are people, albeit slutty ones, with names, eyes, different sized tits, tons of makeup, and the whole bit" - to him they are not. They are just a collection of body parts arranged to appeal to male fantasy - highly manufactured with plastic surgery, hair removal, makeup - its what they are doing and having done to them that your boyfriend gets off on - not the women themselves. For some men, these type women will become a fetish and they will get off on the whole 'manufactured woman' thing - but for the most part, they serve only one purpose: to provide a visual for him to reach ejaculation. Why porn and not you? Because porn is specifically designed for that. When he is wanking - its for one reason and one reason only: to come. You are designed for making love - your purpose is far more than just 'getting him off'. With you, he not only has to keep his own pleasure in mind, he has to consider yours as well - the purpose is different. He wants to make love to you. If he just wanted to get himself off and be done with it, its easier and quicker with the porn and he doesn't have to feel guilty about just wanting a 'release'. Why so much porn? Because in that case, variety is better - watching the same porn over and over gets boring. Eventually it becomes harder to get off, the more bored you are with the porn. Women have a hard time understanding the need for variety when it comes to that. You have to understand that just because your boyfriend looks at porn, it doesn't mean he thinks less of you. There are cases where a guy will get tired of the person he's with - bored with routine, or there is anger and tension between them - and he will turn to porn. In other cases, its a matter of conditioning himself to prefer the intense orgasms he can give himself because of hard pressure or rough repetitive motion that your vagina, hand or mouth don't provide. But... as long as your sex life is doing ok - (and yours sounds fine to me - very hot), and he treats you with respect, and loves you - then you'll need to accept that the problem is yours, not his - and you'll want to find ways to be secure with yourself rather than holding your boyfriend responsible for making you feel secure.
moimeme Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Such a good post, LB. And it, like so many others, will go unheeded. If there's one hard lesson I've learned in life it's that if someone has made up his or her mind to believe something, no matter how unreasonable, unfair, or just plain wrong it may be, nothing and nobody will pry that belief out of their minds. Which kicks the snot out of my formerly naive belief that logic should always win the day.
bunnygrl07 Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 LB, thanks for the helpful reply. It actually did provide some good insight. Guys and girls are often wired differently and can have different perspectives on the same topic. I wish "conversations" like this could happen more often so we could find a middle ground without all the grief and arguements. Most fights arise from some sort of misunderstanding to begin with.
miss fortune Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 as long as its not hindering your relationship, sex or otherwise, its not worth getting all worried about porn. He'll do what he wants regardless of what program you assign him, or suggestions or whatever. Its so much easier for him to love you when you love him for who he is. We all just want to be accepted for who we are, admit it!! I do feel bad for those who have such a hard time with this. The men must struggle to understand why their women think they are doing something wrong, and the women seem to be all discouraged about sex because they're too busy comparing themselves to images. Comparing to someone else will only make you miserable. We are all our own individual selves, embrace who you are and live to be someone that others compare themselves to Its just one man, his penis and a porno, no worries..... now stop going on ladies and go buy a new skirt or something!!! Im sorry but that totally is not funny...these people are looking for insight and HELP, not to be mocked.
leeroy1985 Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Im sorry but that totally is not funny...these people are looking for insight and HELP, not to be mocked. Id like to apologise to anyone who was offended by my post, it wasnt intentional, i was merely trying to see the funny side because thats what always seems to help me when i have a problem! I do realise after looking over it again that maybe i shouldnt have put it so bluntly but its done now so again sorry if i have offended anyone, im not like that and i didnt mean it to look how it probably does! Cheers, Lee
ratzxvital Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I have read so, so many topics and replies to problems like this. I think that LucreziaBorgia was so WONDERFULLy helpful in his reply and I would have to say it was put in great words. When something like pornography, and not an addiction, infects your mind to an uncomfortable point, where its hard to be with someone you truely love, you should realize it is your problem that you need to deal with. Yes comminicating with him about it is a very good idea, but dont nag the guy if you can somehow comfort yourself so that it is no longer an problem. View the relationship past the porn. What are the real issues here? The way women veiw porn (i mean the regular stuff here nothing too grotesque) is often very tainted. If you watch a porno, but only veiw it as physical and sexual competition then you cannot see it's real purpose. Sex. Stimulation. It will just be terrible and crumble your self esteem even worse. It's not that bad, ladies.
dawn duval Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I personally am a big fan of porn, but I think it's a little nasty and controlling of him to say it's better to look at porn than go somewhere else. I dunno, makes it sound like the possibiity of him going somewhere else is lurking as a possibility and if you don't accept porn you better accept those consequences. The issue of porn will never be resolved on LS so I'm staying outta that one, but I just wanted to throw in my thoughts about the potentially manipulative way he's handling this.
dawn duval Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 wow, just realized this thread is over 2 years old. guess they're either married or broken up by now.
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