Scooter25 Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Well this is my first post and I think I squashed all hope of ever getting back together with my first love. I'm 27 and so is the ex and after four years together and 2 of them somewhat long distance she decided it was time for us to move on. She moved back home and got all caught up in partying again and missing be back there with her family and friends that are really a bad influence (the friends) and there is no doubt in my mind they pushed for the break up. None them ever liked me because they were so clicky and I wasn't part of there little circle, so I never bothered with them. Well after three months of virtually no contact, some here and there to exchange stuff. I finally aceppted the fact that we are moving two different ways. I worked hard in college to get a degree and a job in the field I am in now. But she can't seem to let her partying ways of college go now. I know that the break up wasn't 100% her fault as I was having a hard time growing up and adjusting to my new work and took some fustrations out on her and really only put a half ass effort into the relationship toward the end, but I admitted that and apoligized for it as well as other things. In all honesty, she did a 180 when she moved back home basically wants to go backwards not forwards. I saw a future with her, which I admit spooked me a little but it never happened to me before with any other girlfriends. I recently found out that she is seeing somebody, not a boyfriend but are sleeping together. I called her out in a nice way and she natuarly denied it to protect me. Either way after I did that she e-mailed saying, please say hi to the family and tell your little brother I miss hanging out with him and going to baseball games with him and we'll figure out a time to meet up to get the last of her stuff. She signed it with "and I do still love you, ya know. After I read that, I e-mailed her right back and said this "Also, please stop saying you still love me, like I said when I talked to you the other day, I know you moving on and I am as well. I love you too and you will always hold a special place with me, we were an amazing team how can I not. So, trying to cast a hook in my mouth isn't fair to either one of us especially after 3 months of virtually no contact. It doesn't make me feel better or worse, thinking it or seeing it, if that's what you're trying to do. I'm not bitter it about but it isn't nessary. Besides, I'm sure signficant others wouldn't appericiate it at all." I only said that because I don't want to want her to keep me at arms length now while she is comparing me to the new guy. The sad fact is I understand this guy is probably a rebound but literally 2.5 months of breaking up and she she is sleeping with someone and still loves me. I'm sorry but I can't be with her now that she sleeping with someone. I understand we broke up and I can't stop her from seeing other people. The sad part is I really tried to talk to her to see if it could be mended. But she wanted no part and gave me the classic "if it was meant to be, it was meant to be." She even told me that her moving back home made her realize that is where she wants to be. I have no problem with that because I'm close to my family as well. Anyway had to vent because I basically think I oushed her that much further now, thanks for listening.
oppath Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Good for you for pushing her away. Would you want to be with someone who dumped you? That pretty much destroys trust. And now that she has moved on, even if it is a **** buddy, absolutely it is unfair for her to say she loves you. It is selfish behavior. She doesn't want to feel like a bad person for hurting you and she wants to keep the hook in your mouth so she knows you are close, thereby proving she isn't bad. Take care of yourself. You didn't push her away. I know you love her, but do you honestly want to be with someone who broke up with you? For me, that is a deal breaker. You deserve someone who KNOWS they want to be with you.
Author Scooter25 Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 Thanks oppath, like I said I know a lot of the blame lay on me as I was at huge crossroads in life and did some minor pushing, but I did acknowledege it to her and said I was sorry. I was also just tired of her really only depending on me with her life choices it took a huge strain on me already adding to the situation Either way, I may be reading a little too much into the e-mail but I'm just sick of feeling like there may be hope someday. I have a lot more respect for myself and actually feel sorry for her now because I was the frst guy that ever came around and treated her with respect and took care of her, encouraged her, and supported in what her choice of wanting to go to grad school and a lot of other things. It was funny because her whole family one day pulled me aside and thanked me for getting her away from her friends and encourging her to pursue grad school.
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