sumdude Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 sorry people but i had a bit of a relapse today , i saw sam and jasmine this afternoon i was slipped back in to the fool i feel like a right idiot but i couldnt help it . but i am fed up of all this chasing she not interested so i just need to get on with my life but its a big book to close and this is the easy part ! i thank you all again for your continued support , please keep it coming Don't be too hard on yourself ... just keep it rollin'. Every time you fall just dust off, shake it off and keep moving. It's a marathon not a sprint ...
Author coath Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 well today all i can think about is , well if i done that or told her this maybe things would have worked out !i cant help but think that i have let myself down but i think to myself not all relationships are like the ones in fairytales you have to work together express your feelings talk about your problems work hard to keep a family together !i miss them so much but i am only going to talk to her about jasmine now i cant be f**cked with this anymore she knows how i feel about her and if thats not enough well what can i do !!if you love someone let them go if they come back there yours if they dont there not !!
Author coath Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 well and update , i have found out his name not sure what to do now , do i tell sam i know but tell her in such a way that i wasnt trying to find out for example someone told me ????these last few days have been hard and couple of ups but alot of downs still sruggling at work not eating properly feel like punching things !!hope i can have some wise words from you people
Author coath Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 well last night i said to sam that i had a phone call someone told me the name of this person , she agreed with me so we had i bit of a chat i said that she has to do whats right for her and if that means not being with me than so be it ! i am going away with jasmine this weekend to see my auntie in wales and i told sam to use this weekend to think about this whole situation and well will talk when i get back !but this whole thing is taking its tole on me !i know i have to get it into my head that we will probably never get together again !my feelings are all over the place at the minuate, scared angry lonely but i dont think i am doing to bad for 4 weeks in !does anyone know of any herbal medicine i could use !
Gunny376 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 She's wrapped in the throes and arms of her fantasy with this OM. Its much more the actualy fantasy than it is him that she's enraptured in. These things seldom last or work out ~ because there a fantasy. A "calgon" moment of being swept away from the day to day troubles and worries. She's more thank likely running away from herself, her day to day troubles, stress, worries as she is from you. This is why there is little that the BS can do ~ no one can compete with a fantasy, a ghost. So there's little use in trying. Lady Jane is constantly hammering this point home. Don't feed the fantasy! Don't fight this "ghost" of fantasy! Your only feeding it. There are over the counter, non-prescription, non-addictive herbals that you can find in the vitamin and herbal section of WalMart (here in the US) Saint John Wart for depression. I use 5 mg Melatonin for getting to sleep. It comes in 3mmg, 3 mg, and 5 mg. Its the chemical that regulates your biological clock. I take 1 to 2 about twenty minutes before bedtime. You'll start to yawn, your eyes will water, and in about 20 minutes, you'll be ready for sleep. It will help settle the thoughts in your mind ~ you just won't be obsessed with thinking about them. Believe it or not if you use melatonin ~ its very important that you limit your exposure to light, even from a computer monitor or TV in a dark room. Put on some soft relaxing mood music at low to medium volume, drink a non caffiene drink like hot chocolate. If you smoke ~ don't do so because the nictone works against promoting sleep. (BTW, I take 1-2 5mg. I'm 6'1" and weigh 195 pounds ~ so per your height/weigh ratio you'll have to figure out what works for you?) There's another one that promotes over-all well being, but short of getting dressed and going to the store I can't think of it right off the top of my head. I'll look later on. And post.
Gunny376 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 SamE, you'll find it in the vitamin and herbal section. It enhaces (over time, you've got to take for more than a couple of weeks) your overall mood, increases the serotonin (another one you might want to read up on) and "greases" the links between your nerotransmitters. Also promotes joint and liver health.
Author coath Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 why do i do this to myself i feel like i am back to square 1 letting her walk all over me i need her in my life , but she doesnt need me she will be fine and i know it she is the strong one in the relationship i dont feel like a man !she has got me in her back pocket i need to get out !!!!!shes stayin in our house which i pay for do i carry on paying the bills for my little girl ???
joekurtz Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 why do i do this to myself i feel like i am back to square 1 letting her walk all over me i need her in my life , but she doesnt need me she will be fine and i know it she is the strong one in the relationship i dont feel like a man !she has got me in her back pocket i need to get out !!!!!shes stayin in our house which i pay for do i carry on paying the bills for my little girl ??? Yeah mate, by all means keep paying the bills so that Jasmine has a solid roof over her head. I'm sure your wife would find something more affordable or move in with someone friends or family if need be, but if I were you, I'd keep paying so that Jasmine has the stability of living in the same house. Even if you're gone. Then, after a while if it's really a financial burden on you, you & your wife should sit down & work things out so that she's not taking advantage of you ( if that's the case ). Sorry to hear that you're having such a bad day. Like I said earlier on, it's all peaks & vallies & unfortunately I see you're stuck in a vally today. It'll pass. Just try to stay busy. Go to a see a film or something to get your mind off things. Even if it takes up just a couple of hours, it's a much better alternative than sitting about feeling bleak. So take care. Peace.
Author coath Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 hi people i havent posted on here for a while so i thought i would give you an updatewell looks like sams moving out in 1 week found her own place to live ouch !!!!so these are the questions i keep on asking myselfwill i ever find someone as perfect as herwould anyone want me now , being 24 year old single dad ???why do i deserve this crap , what did i do that was so bad ???all i want to do is hold her in my arms but i cant ??this is a big change in my life , sometimes i think is it worth it ??she was every thing i wanted ....................and now its gone ??and i have to relive it every time i she her
sumdude Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I feel your pain ... know it. Thing is it will get a lot better ... a whole lot better. You must take control of your life. Start a self improvement program. I started going to the gym 5 days a week and changed my diet. Exercise will help incredibly, got me through the hardest patches. It's an outlet for your energy, gives you energy, takes your mind off of things and in a couple of months suddenly you look and feel great. You're 24 ... quite young. Think of all the other women out there. Your may thinK your wife is all that and maybe she was ... but not anymore. It's not all on you how this ended up ... remember that. What one person doesn't want another will cherish. There are literally billions of women on this globe looking for a GOOD MAN. Take your time and ride out this storm.
Author coath Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 thanks keep the posts coming it helps i just think maybe i was punching above my weight !!!i have just joined a gym go at least 4 times a week aslo have a job interview tomorrow part time in my local bar i will just keep me occupied in the evenings !!!
notspiritual Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 i keep on asking myself will i ever find someone as perfect as her would anyone want me now , being 24 year old single dad ??? Are you kidding me? You think she is perfect ?!? The perfect woman would not have left you selfishly for another man. She would have cherished spending a lifetime with you, raising your daughter together through the good and hard times. You are still into the delusion of love. When you wake up, you will see that she was not that special. Very few women nowadays can recognize the treasure they have and are constantly chasing for greener pastures. Let her go because you can’t build a future with that type of woman anyway. You are not special to her and then by definition she should not be special to you.
Author coath Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 hi thought i would post feeling quite bad this weekend emotional rollercoaster ! it is strange because in my head i know this is probably the right thing ti do but in my heart i want my family back ! i still havent found a place to live and sams moving out next saterday do you think its time for me to see the doc and get some help or just deal with it ! thanks
Author coath Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 please soeone talk to me i cant do this anymore i am going out of my mind shes moved out into her new place i cant even drive past it let alone go in she has taken most of the stuff from the house because of jasmine i am living at my mums house i miss her so much i feel that i going insane i have been to the docters on meds , i have seen a priest i have prayed cryed punched things had a week of work !!i know there isnt anything you can do to take this pain away but please post
Ladyjane14 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change; the courage to change the things i can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Right now, today, you are facing that which you CANNOT change. Reconciliation takes TWO people who both WANT it. That's not your situation for the moment. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.. or the day after that... or the day after that. (????) Where there is life, there is hope. But for TODAY, the only day you have to work with... separation is something which you must accept and still make the best of. Otherwise, the day is lost, with no personal growth to show from it.
sumdude Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 please soeone talk to me i cant do this anymore i am going out of my mind shes moved out into her new place i cant even drive past it let alone go in she has taken most of the stuff from the house because of jasmine i am living at my mums house i miss her so much i feel that i going insane i have been to the docters on meds , i have seen a priest i have prayed cryed punched things had a week of work !!i know there isnt anything you can do to take this pain away but please post Just hang in there ... I think most of those left have had similar emotions. I had my crazy month or two It's pretty normal. It will get better, you will be just fine... You're going through marriage withdrawal, very similar to hard drug withrawal. sleeplessness anxiety rage denial sick to your stomach Hang on it's a bumpy ride but it does calm down...
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Your gonna go through the motions but right now ultimately you need to take back control of your life. If you need to be by yourself to work through it, then do so. It's gonna be hard but you will make it. She isnt gonna be the last woman you ever be with. Your younger than me, so you got your 30's to look forward to.
Author coath Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 im sick of this feeling i dont think im ever going to get over heri dont think i have made any progress in 8 weeks all i do is think about her and the family i had and how great it was its doing my head in and feel like im going mad havent slept properly in 8 weeks havent gone out really !! i want my life backmy head feels like its going to explode i have never wanted something so bad as this the only way i think i am going to get over this is to get back together which i know isnt going to happen i am so scared !!!!
sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 im sick of this feeling i dont think im ever going to get over heri dont think i have made any progress in 8 weeks all i do is think about her and the family i had and how great it was its doing my head in and feel like im going mad havent slept properly in 8 weeks havent gone out really !! i want my life backmy head feels like its going to explode i have never wanted something so bad as this the only way i think i am going to get over this is to get back together which i know isnt going to happen i am so scared !!!! It takes a long while to come down from this. Your anxiety is sky high right now. I suggest you seek some professional help with this. I did and it helped.. You mind and body are in stress filght or fight mode.. perhapos you need to fiught.. get a bit PO'd after all. You are going to be OK... you are breathing and alive with food and shelter... more than a lot of the human race. No one is coming to kill you or harm you. There are other women.. there are always possibilities but you have to start looking at them
Ladyjane14 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Call your doctor TODAY and make an appointment. It sounds like you're in real danger of slipping into a bad depression.
Gunny376 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Sumdude is right. You're stressed out over this and wrapped in anxiety. There's nothing you can do, except ~ accept each day as it comes at you. As far as the sleep goes? Go down to the natural - herbal section and get some melatonin 5 mg. Its the natural substance our bodies use to regualte our internal biological clocks and sleep patterns. Airline pilots that fly the coast-to-coast "red-eye" use it. The pill form kicks starts your body to producing it own melatonin, which the body produces less of as you get older. It would help is you completely "black out" your room of any sources of light even a night light, as your body quits producing melatonin whenever any light source is detected ~ even through closed eyes. I would get a $25 sound machine that produces sound like rain, ocean waves, a brook, etc. Close the door, and sound proof your bedroom. Melatonin is safe, non-addictive, natural, over-the-counter, non-prescription. It comes in 3mmg, 3mg, and 5mg. You'll have to find the right amount per your height-weight ratio. I take 1 to 2 - 5 mg tablets. About 20 minutes after you've taken it? You'll start to yawn, your eyes will water, your mind will be "still" and when you do get to sleep it will be a sound sleep. You want "sleep-walk, eat" which some have reported doing with Ambien. It won't "knock" you out, so you will wake if you need to tend to a crying child, are exposed to a noise, or light. Other than that? You need to increase you level of physical activity. Get up and go for a brisk walk every morning if nothing else ~ but get your physical activity level up ~ significantly. You've got too much spare time on your hands, and your sitting around worrying about something you can't do anything about and have no control over! Get busy ~ getting busy! As Lady Jane says ~ Its the end of your marriage ~ not your life!
Gunny376 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Call your doctor TODAY and make an appointment. It sounds like you're in real danger of slipping into a bad depression. I agree whole-heartly. And remember you might have to change medications until you find the right anti-depressant in the right dosage, and then it may take as long as six to eight weeks for you to feel better. I would combine this with "forcing" yourself to exercise strenously each day, and individual counseling. If you do get on anti-depressants, disclose any and all current medications (even asprin and other over the counter herbals,vitamins, supplements, and medicnes) you may be taking.
Author coath Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 thanks everyone !well today i am at work but cant stop thinking about the family blubbering all the time i feel like such a idiot !god i miss them so much i dont even know what to type my head is so messed up just dont know where to turn1 step at a time , 1 step at a time keep telling myself i would like just 5 minuates of this pain to go away will i ever be happy again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for f**k sake whats going on
Author coath Posted November 16, 2007 Author Posted November 16, 2007 why do i keep doing this to myself !!!!!i dont feel that i can go on !!! im crying everyday for them both !!!it has been 9 weeks nearly should i still be like this all i can think about i her in the new house with jasmine and most of our stuff we got together the thing is i know we are never going to get back together again but the only way i can see myself getting through is getting back together (if that makes sense ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!jasmine jasmine jasmine i have got to be there for her !!!but i dont feel as if she needs me !!!!! someone please talk
sumdude Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I know how you feel.. been there, it takes time and you have to do everything you can to keep going and know that your life will get better. It's been 10 months for me and I'm really just now feeling like myself again. Like Gunny says it's all day hard andu have to fight for yourself. One foot on front of the other, remember to breathe, to take good care of yourself physically and know that whatever happens you're going to be just fine in time. Get some counciling, have you done that yet? Go see your doctor please OK? You need someone to talk all this out with in person. Find a good freind you know you can trust who will listen to you whatever you're saying and/or a therapist.. there's nothing wrong with seeking help. That's what they're there for.
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