googlezap Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I was reading another post that said that girls who play hard to get and other advanced games are generally pretty experienced daters. Is this always true?
Timberlane Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Or, like I said they probably have confidence and are willing to let one get away. But a dating nOOb can get a hold of a copy of "The Rules" and start following it on their first date. Hopefully you'd be able to tell. But yes, anyone that has a way of doing things already in mind has obviously done it before, ie., has experience. Otherwise you are inexperienced and making it up as you go. But it looks like you are implying that having dating experience is a bad thing. Is that what you are getting at?
uniqueone Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I was reading another post that said that girls who play hard to get and other advanced games are generally pretty experienced daters. Is this always true? No. With some women it's not a game.
Timberlane Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 If you are doing things with the intention of manipulating another person, whether it be how they perceive you or to make them more interested or to do things a certain way, by definition that is a game. Maybe the word "game" is a little loaded and has bad connotations.
uniqueone Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 If you are doing things with the intention of manipulating another person, whether it be how they perceive you or to make them more interested or to do things a certain way, by definition that is a game. Maybe the word "game" is a little loaded and has bad connotations. A woman can APPEAR playing hard to get by a man and she may actually be shy. That's not playing a game. Another situation would be someone is going through a bad time (for example, a recent breakup) and they APPEAR to be playing hard to get. That's not playing a game either. There are men who interpret that a woman is playing hard to get just because she acts friendly towards them but does not show further interest in them. This kind of man perceives the woman as playing games, when, fact is, she was just being niceto them (or in some cases, she's not sure HOW she feels). A lot of it has to do with perception and some men interpret anything as game playing that doesn't result in them getting an actual date.
jcster Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I was accused of "playing" hard to get for years - but in truth, I was just clueless. I had no idea that guys were hitting on me - I guess I was a bit socially backward. I know that guys think that women are sensitive to social vibes - but until I was at least 30, I was utterly clueless.
Krytie TV Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Yeah, I don't think there's really any correlation between "hard to get" behavior and dating prowess.
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Often men think that someone is playing hard to get when in fact the girl is not interested in him. I have been out with men few times that I didn't feel attracted to but felt they were nice and should give it go. I guess I was nice and pleasant to them but somewhat distant (because I genuinly didn't feel passionatly about them). They all interpreted that as me playing hard to get. I would say that in 8/10 cases when you think that girl is playing hard to get, she is actually just not that interested. Also a lot of girls would flirt and be friendly for fun with no intent of hooking up, that might be interpreted as hard to get too.
Author googlezap Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 Well that may be true. But I mean stuff more like hot (and flirty and touchy) and cold and then hot again and then cold again. Or doing last minute cancellations repeatedly (sure she could just not be interested, but then why not say "no"? Just seems sadistic), and then asking you to dinner and being all flirty again. If you were just trying somebody out wouldn't it be more like lukewarm and then cold PERIOD?
Jinnah Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I don't think so. Some women just don't go overboard... for some women, relationships just aren't their top prioroty.
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Well that may be true. But I mean stuff more like hot (and flirty and touchy) and cold and then hot again and then cold again. Or doing last minute cancellations repeatedly (sure she could just not be interested, but then why not say "no"? Just seems sadistic), and then asking you to dinner and being all flirty again. If you were just trying somebody out wouldn't it be more like lukewarm and then cold PERIOD? That's exactly what I used to do when I wasn't all that interested. I don't say no because I want to keep my options open, but then when the time comes, I either get better offer for the night or I just end up canceling because I can't be bothered going out with someone that I don't really like. Then few days later, I start thinking that maybe I'm being too picky and should give it go, which is typically when I would contact the guy and ask him out. This can go on and on, I would even go on a few dates with the guy and really make an effort, be flirty, entartaining etc, but eventually this would feel fake and I would pull back again. I have been doing this to one guy for over 5 years because he has no backbone, most of the others get sick of this soon enough and pretty much tell me to f%^& off. I can also do this in non-dating situations, like at work I know few guys that like me, and on the days that I'm feeling low and unttractive, I would initiate some flirting, and when they respond to that, it makes me feel better about myself. So hot and cold rarely has to do with delibarate games and most often just means low interest level.
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Also people tend to do what they passionatly want to do. Imagine if you were supposed to see a girl that you truly like, you get butterflies just thinking about her, you truly look forward to the date all week, can barely concetrate on work and then at the last moment you cancel just to "play some game". I mean that would take incredible strength of character and most people simply don't have it.
Author googlezap Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 Wow, excuse me, but that's just heartless. You keep one guy around for 5 yrs because he has no backbone, and just keep playing games? Think of all the times you keep hurting him, and the fact you are probably hurting his chances of being able to find somebody else. Strength of character? I think it takes more character to be emotionally empathetic and let him go. Let him get on with his life instead of keeping him around so he can stroke your ego when you feel like it.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I was accused of "playing" hard to get for years - but in truth, I was just clueless. I had no idea that guys were hitting on me - I guess I was a bit socially backward. I know that guys think that women are sensitive to social vibes - but until I was at least 30, I was utterly clueless. Yep...that was me too.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Often men think that someone is playing hard to get when in fact the girl is not interested in him. I have been out with men few times that I didn't feel attracted to but felt they were nice and should give it go. I guess I was nice and pleasant to them but somewhat distant (because I genuinly didn't feel passionatly about them). They all interpreted that as me playing hard to get. I would say that in 8/10 cases when you think that girl is playing hard to get, she is actually just not that interested. Also a lot of girls would flirt and be friendly for fun with no intent of hooking up, that might be interpreted as hard to get too. Yep...I agree. That's exactly what I was trying to say in my post. You put it more clearly.
monkey00 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 IME, there's no such thing as a woman playing hard to get. Either she's afraid of getting hurt, very very shy, inexperienced, attention wh0ring, or just uninterested but doesn't want to be a b*tch and tell you to pissoff, so instead she just plays nice and hopes you get the picture
Lunar Sonata Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Wow, excuse me, but that's just heartless. You keep one guy around for 5 yrs because he has no backbone, and just keep playing games? Think of all the times you keep hurting him, and the fact you are probably hurting his chances of being able to find somebody else. Strength of character? I think it takes more character to be emotionally empathetic and let him go. Let him get on with his life instead of keeping him around so he can stroke your ego when you feel like it. I agree with this. Sounds like the kinds of actions of an insecure, selfish person. Taking advantage of somebody's weakness to "keep my options open" is just a strong invitation for bad karma. If somebody ever does this to you, you'll be crushed. Don't do that.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 By the time you've hit your thirties, you've heard a lot of song and dances so you get a little more cautious.
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I agree with this. Sounds like the kinds of actions of an insecure, selfish person. Taking advantage of somebody's weakness to "keep my options open" is just a strong invitation for bad karma. If somebody ever does this to you, you'll be crushed. Don't do that. Hmm.... karma, interesting. I did have this done to me as well and it did hurt but I get over it. However, I think that I'm getting better as I get older, I tend to need less validation. I guess the main point I was trying to make is that when you think the girl doesn't seem that interested, your first thought shouldn't be that she is "playing hard to get", but that she is just, well... not that interested.
Timberlane Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 A woman can APPEAR playing hard to get by a man and she may actually be shy. That's not playing a game. Another situation would be someone is going through a bad time (for example, a recent breakup) and they APPEAR to be playing hard to get. That's not playing a game either. There are men who interpret that a woman is playing hard to get just because she acts friendly towards them but does not show further interest in them. This kind of man perceives the woman as playing games, when, fact is, she was just being niceto them (or in some cases, she's not sure HOW she feels). A lot of it has to do with perception and some men interpret anything as game playing that doesn't result in them getting an actual date. Playing hard to get to me involves one or more of the following: 1. Does not return phone calls or does infrequently. 2. Is non committal with date plans yet is encouraging of more dates. 3. Cancels dates frequently due to not feeling well, but goes out anyway. 4. Acts sweet in private, but aloof in public or around friends. 5. Flirts openly around others while on date. Pretty much standard hot and cold. Manipulative flirting to make the other person jealous is especially vile. In the situations you describe, I agree, that's not game playing. I was assuming that none of those issues were in play. Also, it's fairly easy to tell if someone is shy at the first meeting and if they are going through a tough time. The person I am currently seeing is going through a tough time, so sometimes I don't get called back for days. With her I suspect she can only handle a little at a time, so I give her a lot of room to breathe.
bish Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I was reading another post that said that girls who play hard to get and other advanced games are generally pretty experienced daters. Is this always true? True or not...don't care. I don't consider women who play games. The only type of man who goes after women who plays head games or hard to get either just want to get in their pants and its a conquest to them...or the needy/clingy guy that will do anything for a woman. Don't get me wrong...I am all into courting and attracting a woman, just not one that plays hard to get or plays games. Not worth my time. And in my opinion shouldn't be worth anyone elses time either.
FleshNBones Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Women who like to play games in general are flaky. Women who cancel dates at the last second are flaky and unreliable. Women who don't show up for a date are flaky, unreliabe, and arrogant. Women who want to break my heart for self-satisfaction are just plain cruel. Experience should be unimportant for people who are genuinely interested in a relationship. If she is rejecting you, she will give every excuse under the sun. The truth will usually be the last thing assuming she even gives it.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Playing hard to get to me involves one or more of the following: 1. Does not return phone calls or does infrequently. 2. Is non committal with date plans yet is encouraging of more dates. 3. Cancels dates frequently due to not feeling well, but goes out anyway. 4. Acts sweet in private, but aloof in public or around friends. 5. Flirts openly around others while on date. If a woman posted this about a man's behavior towards her, the response would be: "He's not that into you." No one would say that the man was playing hard to get. This is interesting because it references a point I made awhile back..... When something happens to a woman, they assume there is something wrong with themselves (he's not that into me). However, when something happens to a man, they assume that there is wrong with the other person (she's playing hard to get (or) she's playing games). This is nothing new...there's documentation on how women internalize things and men externalize things. I just find it interesting to see examples of it.
Timberlane Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 No, many men internalize things and think they said or did something wrong, and hence need to fix it. In fact, I assumed I did something wrong in almost all cases of problems cropping up in relationships. Recently, I was the one that did something in at least one case, so I was right. I left out the sex of the game player intentionally, as it is not specific to sex. Believe me, uniqueone, I see no difference in the capability of either sex to be either bad or good, game playing or genuine. And you come across as very direct, honest, and trustworthy. I like reading your point of view quite a bit.
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