muse27 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 new to the community so please be kind ive dated a million billion ppl, but never dated a lawyer...till now. he's relatively young and a partner ~ total workaholic. its a great trait i know..better than dating a deadbeat. but ive just never been in this situation where i cant see him until 7-10 days later. (we've only been dating for a month though we do text or email every day (he's not much of a phone talker). my question is: what goes into dating a lawyer? ambiguous question yes, but want the generalties. i know every relationship is different, but any insight would be appreciated.
Mustang Sally Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Well, I don't know about lawyers, specifically, but as a professional woman married to a professional man, who know a bunch of other professional couples..... I would say to prepare yourself to take a back seat to his job at times. For some people, that means more of the time than others. His job is very noble, to be sure, but careers like that can definitely take a toll on a relationship. However, if you both have realistic expectations and place appropriate priority on your R, it can certainly work out well. Good luck.
Author muse27 Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 i shouldnt equate it to how much he likes/cares about me though right? unless it starts to really get in the way?
Tony T Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 People are NOT what they do for a living. Forget the attorney part. If he were a cashier or a salesman, would you tolerate seeing somebody only every ten days or so? You have to understand that he's a young professional and concerned about his future. It's not likely he's going to give you the attention that will make you feel special. Believe me, if you do see him for a while and he does start liking you more...a chance you have to decide on taking...he will find a way to see you more often. People do what they passionately want to do...including finding time to see a lady they truly care about more often. Please, for your own sake, drop this thinking about profession and start seeing people for who they are and how they act. I'm not saying date men who are irresponsible and don't have a pot to poop in...but see the men you are interested in as human beings and/or potential mates and decide on whether or not you want to pursue things based on their behavior and interest level...and how you feel. Most of the women I've know over the years who were married to attorneys are now divorced from the...but I have no way of knowing if the problems had anything to do with their profession. I rest my case.
Timberlane Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Never date someone exclusively that can only see you every so often due to their so-called busy schedule. If they are ultimately worth it, great, but don't end up at home waiting for them to be free. I noted a mutual interest with a very busy, professional woman recently and we finally exchanged phone calls and admitted we liked each other. Then the planning of the date began. Oh, I didn't look at my work calendar and the date we had to see each other is booked. Can we do Oct 8? In the mean time, I met someone else and we are already spending the night once a week. I have yet to go on an actual date with busy professional lady. It's all about priorities. Oh, and I don't mire myself with workaholics.
Author muse27 Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 good lord tony. thanks for the opinion i dont date ppl for their professions..that's why its my first time dating a lawyer! but just wanted to get some insight as im not used to dating someone who is a workaholic. i think it a commendable trait. i just want to know more of what to expect so i can be understanding about it and not pressure the poor guy if im just not used to getting what i want. i have a curious mind. therefore i like to get to know what goes on in the head of the ppl i meet. i like to be openminded
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I'm a VERY busy attorney. So is Herzen. We still make time to post on LS, and we're able to have a social life as well. When I meet a guy I really like, it becomes a little difficult to concentrate at work but I do make time to see him. The only reason why it would be a week before I'd see him is if it's long distance or I'm physically out of town for a conference, meeting, investigation, deposition, court appearance, whatever. In addition, in my experience, partners are far LESS busy than young associates who are trying to MAKE partner...but this could be different in your guy's case. No matter what someone does for a living, if they're really into you, you will know it. They will make time. But I agree with Tony. When dating, ya really gotta completely remove their profession from the picture. While their chosen profession might justify their occasional unavailability for play time, it shouldn't change your wants and needs in a relationship. That said, what kind of law does he practice? Is he a member of a small, mid-size, or large firm?
Blackberry Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Basically, if he is not calling and not making time to see you, and not acting crazy about you, then he is not that into you, busy professional or not. It's the same with any other relationship. Let him make most of the calls, emails, etc. You won't need to ask if he is absolutely crazy about you, you will know.
Author muse27 Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 i guess a small firm here in LA. class action. about 16 employess and only 2 partners. its still very early in the relationship like i said..only first month..so im not complaining to him yet..just want to know what im getting myself into.
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 i guess a small firm here in LA. class action. about 16 employess and only 2 partners. its still very early in the relationship like i said..only first month..so im not complaining to him yet..just want to know what im getting myself into. Uh oh. I knew a guy in L.A. just like you describe, actually. I hope it's not the same person!
jcster Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 im not used to dating someone who is a workaholic. i think it a commendable trait. I think too many people think it is a commendable trait, actually. There's a difference between being busy in a job you enjoy, and being a workaholic. Workaholics are addicted to their jobs. They'd rather work than do just about anything, and their lives show it. If your new guy is truly a workaholic, then I wish you luck - because you're always going to come 2nd.
Author muse27 Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 Uh oh. I knew a guy in L.A. just like you describe, actually. I hope it's not the same person! LA is big..but i wouldnt be surprised i guess. i still hope its not the same person. id be mortified.
Touche Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Basically, if he is not calling and not making time to see you, and not acting crazy about you, then he is not that into you, busy professional or not. It's the same with any other relationship. Let him make most of the calls, emails, etc. You won't need to ask if he is absolutely crazy about you, you will know. I had to quote Blackberry here. I am a woman who was married and involved for 9 years with a lawyer only to divorce him and get involved with another lawyer:rolleyes: right after that. We've been together 13 years now (married for 12). All that said, please read Blackberry's post again. He/she is spot on. That was/is my experience with both men...both attorneys.
Tony T Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 good lord tony. thanks for the opinion i dont date ppl for their professions..that's why its my first time dating a lawyer! but just wanted to get some insight as im not used to dating someone who is a workaholic. i think it a commendable trait. i just want to know more of what to expect so i can be understanding about it and not pressure the poor guy if im just not used to getting what i want. i have a curious mind. therefore i like to get to know what goes on in the head of the ppl i meet. i like to be openminded Not withstanding my allusion to this guy's profession, I made it very clear that you have to evaluate any dating situation by how you feel. Go with your gut. If it doesn't feel good to date someone who is a workaholic, then don't. We can advise you on how you feel. You have to do that yourself. And please be honest with yourself. If you would prefer to spend more time with someone you are dating, then this isn't the guy for you. If you really and truly don't care that he must put his profession before you and must give it top priority in apportioning time, then continue to date him. I hope you understand that what you do with the situation has to be decided by you...based solely on how YOU feel about it. We can't tell you how to feel.
Lizzie60 Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I think too many people think it is a commendable trait, actually. There's a difference between being busy in a job you enjoy, and being a workaholic. Workaholics are addicted to their jobs. They'd rather work than do just about anything, and their lives show it. If your new guy is truly a workaholic, then I wish you luck - because you're always going to come 2nd. there is a huge difference... the profession has nothing to do with it... it's just you... are you willing to be 2nd...
Recommended Posts