The final contact!

[Bosiell]

Well thats it for me, no more contact ever with my ex.

 

Its been just under a month. Worst month of my life for sure. It that time although I was aware of the importance of NC iro healing the heart, I simply couldnt, I had to at least try to make her reconsider. but to no avail.

 

It is her birthday today. We had planned a trip to a nice hotel and meal etc, god damn I was so looking foward to that Anyway I had always intended on sending her a card, and thats what I did today. Nothing too heavy, just saying I still care and thinking of her. I did in fact drive to her house (about 15miles) and put it through her door, I knew she wouldnt be in. Driving down her street again was awful, such an extreme in emotions from the last time I drove down there, when I as ever I couldnt wait to see her and give her a hug. This time it was gutting, I was shaking. Anyway I posted it and drove away asap.

 

I have not really sent the card in any expectation of her changing her mind however. I am not even expecting her to acknowledge it and at least thank me. Just really to let her know that there is someone out there who still cares for her very much.

 

Moving on. As the title states. That is DEFO it for me. I still miss her, think of her 24/7, and I know that isnt gonna change overnight, but enough is enough. She now needs to be dragged down of that pedestal I have made for her, hard as it will be, it will happen. There is only person who will ever be back up there, ME

[Spinderella]

Hi Bosiell,

That sounds very difficult. I think you are wise to leave it now, theres nothing worse than to keep putting yourself through that pain, as I know from first hand experience! Put it out of your mind as much as you can, and keep reminding yourself that if it was meant to be, it would be.

Thats the advice I am giving EVERYONE today! LOL

Its good advice! Someone gave it to me once.

[Jmina]

Tough decision bos to send her that card... she already knows that you care about her... but if it is a closure thing then make sure it is def the last contact now.

 

what if she contacts you back after reading it? its going to be awfully hard..

 

keep working on you. all the best

 

Jmina

[Sanslatete]

I know the feeling, I wrote my ex a last letter and can sympathise with how you felt putting it through her door. We had many, many happy times there and it tore my heart out to be there under these grave circumstances, ones I never saw happening between us. I don't expect to see or hear from her in a hurry, if ever again and that's just so sad. I thought she was special, but she prove me wrong.

[tinke]

bosiell

i understand your need to make that last contact. after my LTR, my ex did not grant me a final discussion...nothing. so, i was always left with MORE to say. of course, he would not accept calls, etc.

 

for myself, i had to express all i needed to say...i am most positive, he never read it...but, at least i knew i released my thoughts.

but...i also knew when i had reached the point of ENOUGH! there is no more to say, i'm done! but for me, expressing those thoughts has helped. i am worth more than a goodbye e-mail! there is a gentlemanly and lady-like way of doing things...i deserved better.

 

you will know (as now may be the time) when you have depleted all energies on the subject, and surrender.

 

it has been a slow process for me, and i still have low times (mostly wknds), but, i do feel a shift of emotions for him. i am NOT in love with him anymore, mostly i am saddened by the way it ended.

 

you have to do what feels right for you, as only you will have to make peace with this.

 

coming to the point of finality with contact is a sure sign of begining to heal, protecting

yourself. in time, the lack of desire will bring you serenity.

 

hang in there...keep posting.

[hopeforlove243]

I don't know your story, but I feel your pain. My ex-bf's birthday is coming up at the end of the month, and he was going to introduce me to his parents -- we have been together 2 years, he said he won't introduce any girl to his parents till engaged, so I was really looking forward to his birthday :( I don't know if I should send him a birthday card or not. I was very happy before, now I had to go restroom to cry at work!

[Bosiell]

As always, many thanks for all the replies to my post.

 

>Spind, hi hon Yep I remember that advice from one my early posts about, "it it was meant to be then it would have happend", cliched but oh so true.

 

>Jmina, hi hon to It was tough call to send a card, must admit during the day I did start to regret it . But now I am ok with it. And yes she did send me a text saying thank and asking how I was, must admit I was a bit surprised. Not sure I really wanted her to say anything. I did reply (after quite a while) saying you are welcome and that I was fine. What it is very important now is that I DO NOT read anything in the reply from her. Like you have said, she knows how I feel.

 

>Tinke, good post Interesting you should say that. I was very very close to also writing a letter along with the card. I felt our relationship ended oh so soon and abruptly that I never really had chance to express my thoughts on the situation. She didnt want to see me again to even hear what I had to say. Felt I needed to get some things of my chest and my heart. But I decided against it, I was worried that some of the progress I had made iro recovery would have been taken away and I would have taken some steps back. But yes I can fully understand with what you have said.

 

>Sans. I am sure we are not alone in what we felt. Even I was surprised how shook I was, damn hurt like mad

 

>Hope. Sorry to hear about your position. Just this minute realised that we would have been in a really nice hotel now having a great meal etc .

As for sending a card. I suppose it depends the break up situation etc and how you think he would react to it. Whatever decision you make, do notdoubt you have made the wrong one. Hope you are feeling better soon tho, take care.

 

hugs all