OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 he has a history with you. A history is not a future. You need to look forward, not back. If you want to be with him, you need to talk to him about it, see if he wants to be with you too. Go for relationshiop counselling and work on it if you both do. If not, go for separation counselling and work on the futures that are within your grasp.
OWoman Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 is it my fault that my sex libido is low now? he stopped initiating, he gives up easily.... my fault? I'm sorry, but this bit I don't get. If you want to have sex with him, but he's not initiating it - why don't you? If you don't want to have sex with him, why are you wanting him to initiate? So that you can refuse him? Of course he gives up! So would I if someone didn't want to have sex with me. Forcing them to have sex against their will would be rape.
Lyssa Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 OWoman, I don't get it either. Women always complain not getting enough sex, same thing goes to men but the difference with some women and men is that if one doesn't initiate, the other does. I also think that when a man or woman cheats, it's not just about not getting enough sex from home. I think that happens only when SEX is the ONLY thing on their mind. L.Warm, you gotta do what you think is the right thing. Scrap that. You should do what's best for you and your family. If you're both unhappy, work it out by talking about it. Doesn't necessarily be MC. Try talking to him. Don't attack.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Honestly, LWarm, women like you give other women a bad name. You basically blackmailed your husband into staying by using the kids and you also admit he makes great money so you want to keep him around. I'm all impressed to He*ll, let me tell ya. Maybe you should consider using some of that great money your husband makes to get some higher education so you can get a decent paying JOB? Seems to me you have a little too much time to play with friends and take up hobbies - yet too 'tired' to let hubby near you. Anyway, if you get a degree and then subsequently a job where you can support yourself, you could quit hanging onto your meal ticket - ooops, I mean husband - because of the money he makes. I also think it's pathetic that you want to tell the OW she's "stealing your man." Geez, I haven't heard THAT since junior high.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 You told your children that their father was a bad person to win an adult argument and keep him in your life? I dont think I have to tell you how wrong it is involving them in your mess. The problem is, your H cheated. He is accountable for that and should have tried to figure it out before looking outside the marriage. Warrented. However, you've just forced his hadn by using your kids. Thats going to build resentment alongside the resentment you have for his cheating. That doesn't make for a happy marriage, but it CERTAINLY doesn't make for happy children.
foreverchanged Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 PC, while it is true that the MM is responsible for his behaviour, it is also true that the "single" OW is just as responsible. Just because you are single, doesn't give you carte blanche. When someone is married, they are unavailable, that's why they professed in front of God and family/friends to become a unit. I am tired of single OW/OM deflecting all the blame towards the WS/BS. It takes two to tango dear. Also, if the "single" OP is so innocent, then why is it against the law to sleep with married people in some areas? There are cases where the BS has sued the OP, and won. So, sleep with whomever you want, I don't care. But be big enough to own it if you knowingly enter into a relationship with a married man.
Lyssa Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 PC, while it is true that the MM is responsible for his behaviour, it is also true that the "single" OW is just as responsible. Just because you are single, doesn't give you carte blanche. When someone is married, they are unavailable, that's why they professed in front of God and family/friends to become a unit. I am tired of single OW/OM deflecting all the blame towards the WS/BS. It takes two to tango dear. Also, if the "single" OP is so innocent, then why is it against the law to sleep with married people in some areas? There are cases where the BS has sued the OP, and won. So, sleep with whomever you want, I don't care. But be big enough to own it if you knowingly enter into a relationship with a married man. You're right, I'm tired of BS putting the blame on OW/OM. Really. Read over and over again all over this forum... it's neither one's fault. It's the cheater's fault. Oh well, some people just don't want to admit certain things...
GreenEyedLady Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 When someone is married, they are unavailable. Maybe they should be reminded that they're unavailable then. I am tired of single OW/OM deflecting all the blame towards the WS/BS. I am tired of all the blame being deflected from the WS to the OP...Hello! Also, if the "single" OP is so innocent, then why is it against the law to sleep with married people in some areas? I guess it's a good thing I'm not in one of those areas... There are cases where the BS has sued the OP, and won. So, sleep with whomever you want, I don't care. But be big enough to own it if you knowingly enter into a relationship with a married man. And what if you don't knowingly enter into the R, but find out later? Hmmm...murky waters...
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 This thread has brought many issues to my doorstep, not least the fact I feel sorry for the MM. Its so easy to blame them. They cheated...they lied. But why? L you have said yourself you did not meet his needs. He brings home a good paycheck and is father to your kids - is that all he deserves? Is that all YOU deserve?
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 RIght now, I wouldn't be too concerned with his daily routine. You know he's cheating or he HAS. So let's get real here. What you SHOULD be working on is building up STRENGTH emotionally to leave him. Also working up your independence and start relying on yourself to get tasks accomplish and pay your way.. hunny, you need to leave the bastard. Don't you think you would be happier even on your OWN than dealing with this BS??
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 i haven't talked to him about it. i don' know if i want to. how is it wrong to keep him with me and our kids?? our kids need their father! i am not blackmailing him..... i just want to do whats right for our kids and me. i haven't seen his mistress but i want to meet her and tell her she has ruined my family. she's taking the man i love away from me. is it my fault that my sex libido is low now? he stopped initiating, he gives up easily.... my fault? He gives up easily? What are you saying? You REALLY want to have sex with him even though you say NO?? What do you expect him to do? Keep trying so he can continue to feel rejected? I mean, let's just play fair here and quit the mind games.
passionateconfusion Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 PC, When someone is married, they are unavailable, that's why they professed in front of God and family/friends to become a unit. That is what THEY professed - not the single other woman. It takes two to tango dear. DO NOT refer to me as 'dear'. I don't know you, don't want to know you. Sounds to me like you are on a power trip. Also, if the "single" OP is so innocent, then why is it against the law to sleep with married people in some areas? There are cases where the BS has sued the OP, and won. Well, I see you are from the South ... no comment .... Seems to me you are a BS perhaps some counselling to deal with your issues?
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