datingsecondchances Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months. Its been about a month of trying to find time to talk about this. His schedule is busy with college, night job and a daughter/baby momma. Not spending time was my issue. The break up was me stating the facts and saying its not going to work..now I want him back. He says he wants to talk and knows its important but its just not happened. He says he likes me, thinks Im good people but doesnt know if he can trust me because I broke up with him and have threatened to before. He has abandonment issues that we had just discussed too. Does he really want to discuss this? I dont know if i should call often or not. He answers my calls half the time. while we were dating he always answered. Is he is interested or if I should move on? Is this healing time and should I not call or if I dont, will he assume I am not interested.
Author datingsecondchances Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Author datingsecondchances Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I could just use a little guidance on whether it is better for me to contact him or not. Crowding him is not my goal but also dont know if I should just not contact him. Would he interpret contacts as pressure or would he interpret no calls as not interested? He always tells me to be more vulnerable, and when I call him and he doesnt return my calls I feel like being vulnerable is the last thing I am willing to do.
Lyssa Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Why do you want him back? I can understand why your ex doesn't trust you. I wouldn't want to go back to someone who broke up with me. Especially if he hurt me big time. I don't really know your situation but I do hope you give him some time... and yourself as well!
Author datingsecondchances Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 Ok, details. He works 12 hour shifts and then goes home to sleep in the am and goes to school. This was working for us, suprisingly. I was happy and we made time to call or see one another for lunch on our way to work. It was complicated but it worked. As time went along he was worse about it and would agree to meet and then say oh, I cant I have to watch my kid. I was really confused about how he couldnt remember from one minute to the next that he was watching his child. How could that schedule be so unpredictable. It was to the point that I would get excited about meeting, only to get disappointed about his baby momma running away, his not knowing his schedule etc. He was not forthcoming with the details and would just call or not and cancel. THis was a long shot from the guy who brought flowers, calls every day and let me know when he was taking his daughter to school. THe day after we broke up, we spoke on the phone. He told me that he doesnt have control of his time because the baby mom drops off the daughter about 5 days a week and at best 2 without notice. I did not know this! He always says he has it under control. I put that together and realized, no he doesnt have control of his time and this is why he falls asleep all the time, doesnt and isnt where he says he will be. After I found out that was his reason and that would obviously cause our dating to be complex, I realized I was wrong. I know his life is complex but I am willing to work with him together. But I didnt find this info out until after the break up. He is gun shy to trust me, however he likes me and onece described me as a favorite tshirt and a safe person who doesnt ask him for anything...and doesnt get a moment to himself to think about his life to process everything. His parents and brother are a part of his responsibilities he says too. He lives in a small place behind them on the property that he bought for them. But he doesnt tell me more than that and after 5 months, Ive never been there or met anyone. I want to work with him- my life is pretty simple and I am I want to meet his family. I want us to work through these things together. I would like to be given another chance.
Lyssa Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Thanks for the details. So you broke up with him because he didn't seem to have the time to see you? You both should sit down and talk about what you both want. You seem to be willing to be part of his life - which is a good thing and I don't think he really sees that. If I am not mistaken, you mentioned something about not having enough time to sit and talk due to his kid being dropped off at his place out the blue sometimes... right? Take the time to call him and make a date to go out and talk. If being with him is really what you want, go for it but be prepared with all the baggage that comes with him. Tell him you would really like to be given a second chance and prove to him that you want to be with him.
Author datingsecondchances Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I think that is a great idea. With his schedule being so busy and inverted from mine, it seems like scheduling a time is difficult. I would like to do this soon, and we both have talked about that prospect but actually getting together hasnt happened. This is where I get trapped between not knowing if i am being pushy or persistent. I also dont want him to get too comfortable being a part and unwilling to put effort in due to his over busy schedule. An example of how I feel lonely...I say I want to meet his brother...he says we wont get along and laughs. I mean it, if he spends all his time with his brother then I would like to meet him. Without being, again, pushy, this is important to me. It also makes sense to me that if his brother and I are in the same room, it makes it easier for him to see both of us instead of one of us. Is this some kind of sign or just me overthinking? I want to be integrated into his life more.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 ^^^^ Exactly correct. He has a child to worry about. Are you prepared to always be #2?
Author datingsecondchances Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 So after I cried all day again, I finally got through to him to arrange for our meeting. I have to be out of town for work starting Wed and asked if we could meet before then. He said yes, he thought he could work that out. He says he will call me from work to make that arrangement. I will keep that a light conversation but make sure I get a date and time to talk. I am very nervous. I dont know what to expect from this meeting. I want him back. I dont know where his head is right now, except that he is a busy person and he feels like I ran over him. THoughts? How much should I share or hold back. I dont want to come across as too emotional however he always says I could be more vulnerable. THoughts? To answer Cobra... Yes, actually i would enjoy being involved with his daughter's life and that i understand that it is complicated to be involved with a dad and a baby momma.
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