marine Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Idk wat to do........ I love her so much.... We were goign out for 2 years.... and things started going sour.... so we ended up splitting. (This occured a while back) and we started taling again 2 weeks ago, and everythign seemed perfect again. We talked, aout how muhc we had missed each other, and it was dumb of us splitting up. Eveything was good. But now... she dont want me. She admited to me that there was this other guy, that she had feelings for. She told me she loved me. ut she needed to know wat she felt for him. So she went with him. She told me to wait for her, that hopefully she'd come back. Its hurts........ a lot...... I cant stand to be away from her. I cant do it, I feel like my life has come to an end..... I dont want this I cant handle this..... death suddenly seems so much more better. A broken heart can no longer be broken, so I have nothign left to lose. I hate me life, I despise my life, i want it to be through. Sould I just squezze the trigger? I think I should, I got nothign left to live for.... it all seems so lost. NO more heartache, no more pain, no more sadness no more tears. Death seems good. comfort is wat it can supply, and comfort is wat I seek.......................
directx Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Woah! Hold on! Don't do anything like that! The fact you posted your feelings on here and didn't do anything so drastic shows you can get through this! Everyone has gone through what you have described! Tell us more about it! That's why we are here!
Author marine Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I just can't........ she was so perfect. So nice and sweet. So kind and forgiving. And I tired, I really did try with her. God help me I did my best. but in the end I wasnt good enough. I thought aout marrige with her, settleing down. Starting a family, we talked about all this. yet........ it was all for nothing. I cant deal with this, I cant cope with this........
Travis L Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Spill your heart man... ALL of us have gone through this stuff... You're at the right place! For now, scan your brain for even ONE negative thing about her... If you think hard enough, you can think of it. Now, focus on that thing for a while.... Obviously, killing yourself will not solve your problems! It's really hard to see through the fog but all of us on here have gone through it and are on the other side (or in the process). Tell us your back story...
tommycapnpants Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I understand what you are feeling my friend. You must understand that you are not alone in this pain. All of of us here are experiencing these emotions in our own personal way. Your pain is just as important as anyone else's. But, remember that no matter how bad it is, it will get better. Death is not the answer. Im sure you are a good guy. People leave our lives because of their own reasons. Not because of us. People come into our lives to help prepare us for the next thing to come. Just know that there is someone coming your way that you will be all the wiser with. A relationship that will benefit because what ever mistakes you made in this one, you wont in the next. We are here for you.
NocturnalRaids Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 If you are in the armed forces, then you can go the shooting range to get out the frustration right? Sorry this happened to you. Have a good day.
Bosiell Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Really sorry to hear your sitatuation my friend. Death is NOT an option, never think of that, cast out of you mind immediatley. Many many people have gone through what are going through. Nothing can compare with the pain, of that there is no doubt. You have to be very very strong. Keep posting, it will help.
Spinderella Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Dont take it personally. People have different paths they have to walk, sometimes they join for awhile, and sometimes they split. Its nothing personal.
Sanslatete Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 We feel your pain, it's unbearable, but somehow you find the strength to go on. Who knows what's around the corner? It's worth sticking around just to see.
Author marine Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 It just feels so hopeless....... Today I gave her a ride home, (we had somthign schedualed from a week prior) So we were talking in the car, and she told em that no matter wat..... I was always going to have her heart. That hopefully she would come back, Just to wait for her and let her do this......... She still wants to remain friends. I told her I loved her, and that I would be waiting for her...... Did I mess up in this?
Ssheena Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Telling you to wait for her and that she might come back is not fair on her part. What are you getting out of this? Nothing. What is she getting out of this? Let's see.... she is seeing someone else, in a new relationship and she has you as her backup. Are you second best? Are you settling for some crumbs of friendship when you know what you want with her? Believe me, hearts can be broken and heal. They will never be the same as they were before but chicks dig scars (sorry.. that was not where I wanted to go). I think of my heart as a battered, scared, currently with a bandaid on it muscle in my chest. Some scars are worse than others, some in different stages of healing but I and others here have and do go one. Some people really, really have had it bad and gone through much worse situations as you have. I know that you are hurt and hurting and getting through the day seems impossible. You will make it. Post here, read old posts, reach out to your friends. I would suggest staying away from her and cutting all contact with her. If she was "perfect" she wouldn't be keeping you hanging like she is. Make a decision for her and don't let her treat you like this. Please post and let us know how you are doing. Best wishes for the day!
joekurtz Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 It just feels so hopeless....... Today I gave her a ride home, (we had somthign schedualed from a week prior) So we were talking in the car, and she told em that no matter wat..... I was always going to have her heart. That hopefully she would come back, Just to wait for her and let her do this......... She still wants to remain friends. I told her I loved her, and that I would be waiting for her...... Did I mess up in this? No, you didn't "mess up in this" dude. It's NOT your fault. And it's NOT hopeless! I know, from FAR too much personal experience with this exact sort of thing over the course of my life, that it feels hopeless, but it's not. I guess you can say that I'm a grizzled, battlescarred veteran of just the sort of situations that you describe. Both in my past & now, with the wife that I'm seperated from. Believe me, I know the routine all too well. And I'm not going to make light of it. I know just how badly it hurts. But you CAN get through this. But first, you're going to hurt like hell & there's no easy way through it. You're going to think about her constantly. You're going to obsess about her being with this other guy. Her spending time with him. Her going over to his place. Him being over at hers. Her giving him all the attention both emotionally & physically that you absolutely CRAVE from her. While all this is racing through your head you're going to feel like your having a heartattack sometime & you'll have a hard time breathing. You'll lose your appetite & you won't be able to sleep. And, you'll wait by the phone on the edge of your seat. You'll just stare at the damned thing, begging for it to ring. And every time it does, you'll pray to God that it's her. And, every time it's not, your heart will sink & then you'll be pissed that it wasn't her & you'll want to throw it out the window. Or smash it against the wall. But you won't, 'cause she might call ... And when she does call, all she'll want to do is talk about HIM. And while she does so you'll grit your teach through it all, giving yourself a massive headache in the process, but you'll listen. Because, you'll want to "be there for her". And, you'll discover new, vast reservoirs of faith that you didn't know you had, because you'll be praying constantly that she'll come to her senses, dump this guy & come back to you. And every time she cries or complains to you about something to do with her relationship with this guy, you'll think that your prayers are going to be answered & that she'll "see the light" & come back to you. But then, there's a very good chance that the next time you talk to her, everything will be great between them again. And your heart will be twisted out of shape inside your chest as you recognize that swooning, preoccupied tone to her voice that means that she's head over heels about him all over again. Buddy, I've been there & done that in my life. More than once. And it's excruciating. But damn it, it won't kill you. It'll feel like it is, but it won't. The only advise that I can give you ( which I know you will not want to hear & most likely won't take, because Lord knows, I didn't ... ) is give yourself the gift of time & distance. It is the only thing that works, believe me. Take a big step back away from the sitch & DO NOT "be there for her" while she's seeing this other guy. Because, if you are, she'll use you like a kleenex & toss you away. Repeatedly. And everytime she does, your heart will get broken all over again. This doesn't necessarily mean that she's a cruel person or a bitch or anything like that. It's just how scenarios like this always play out. It's not even a gender specific thing. I'm sure that men do the same exact things to women just as often in similar situations. I don't know what your situation is, but if at all possible, I'd strongly suggest getting away for a bit. With no contact with her whatsoever. A couple of weeks would be ideal, but even just a couple-few days would help. Even if it's just a town or two away to bunk at a friend's place for a change of scenary. That would help tremendously. Other than that guy, all I can say is take care & hang tough. You can do it. If I did, you can, believe me. Peace bro.
Author marine Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 ...........sigh I dont want to distance myself from her............ thats the thing. I cant stand to be apart from her, What if she thinks I dont care about her and thinks less of me? Know wat I mean? I just wish I knew what he has that I dont. What makes him so special? What makes him so great? All he is, is a new face in her life, of course, he's going to make her happy, of course she's not going to see any flaws in him. Y doesnt she open her eyes and realize this dammit........ I wish he was out of the picture, I hate his ****in guts. I just want to beat his *** so adly, u have no idea. I'm ale to do it, no dout about that. I know where he lives, where he spends his time....... I know him. It'll be so easy to handle bisnuess (mispelled I know)
joekurtz Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Oh, believe me. I am very well acquainted with the stage you find yourself at right now. I call it the "Knight in Shining Armor" stage. I've played that role before, more than once ... I'm not going to tell you to stop, because I know you won't. I didn't back in my early twenties the first time that I went through it & I haven't totally stopped myself some falling into the role with the wife that I'm seperated from now. I know you've gotta do what you've gotta do my friend. But, I'm also compelled to warn you that in all liklihood you're just prolonging your agony & that you're willfully giving her WAY too much power over your mental & emotional well being. But, I'm down with the fact that you've got to see it through regardless ...
Ariadne Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Hey, No, if you wait for her you are going to be the strong one. You are going to stand for what you believe in, which is honor and loyalty. Let's hope that the guy she is seeing turns out to be lame and that she doesn't really like him, even if he's not lame, and that you are going to be her hero. Sometimes when girls are very young they like to have the chance to see what else there is out there. She might feel like she is missing out in life. You can't hold her like some prisoner and forbid her from doing what she feels is the right thing to do, you have to respect her if you love her. Let her make up her mind. And is a good thing that you can still have some contact with her. I wish I could still have contact with the guy I love but I can't. He started seeing someone else who forbid him to talk to me ever again. Now, that sucks. Imagine if this new dude did that to her. So, you are not so unlucky. I wish I could still be his friend and hear from him sometime. Just listen to her, you know her well. And if it's meant to be she'll come around. Hope you are not feeling too bad today, but most of the people here in this board know just what you are going through. Good luck, Ariadne
joekurtz Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 ...........sigh I dont want to distance myself from her............ thats the thing. I cant stand to be apart from her, What if she thinks I dont care about her and thinks less of me? Know wat I mean? I just wish I knew what he has that I dont. What makes him so special? What makes him so great? All he is, is a new face in her life, of course, he's going to make her happy, of course she's not going to see any flaws in him. Y doesnt she open her eyes and realize this dammit........ I wish he was out of the picture, I hate his ****in guts. I just want to beat his *** so adly, u have no idea. I'm ale to do it, no dout about that. I know where he lives, where he spends his time....... I know him. It'll be so easy to handle bisnuess (mispelled I know) That burning desire to seek this guy out & TCB? That NEVER goes away, believe me. I almost had to scratch that itch this past June over some nonsense with my wife's current BF, but while it would give you a tremendous sense of satisfaction for a minute or two, at the end of the day it'd do more harm than good. You'd likely spend a night or two in jail on harrassment or assault charges, she might freak out & get a restraining order, from that point on her friends & family would probably call you a stalker ... Honestly, it's just not worth it. Trust me.
Author marine Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 The guy is a boxer, (which might pose a prolem for some) but if there's one way to beat a boxer, its the ground...... which I am fairly good at. I just wanna make him hurt............. I do love her, and I do respect her, which is why I let her go...... Hopefully she comes back to me. At this point I am still feeling very down about things. But a new emotion has also come up......... anger. IDK y, I just do........ My friends have really been there for me. Even (to my surpirse) her sister is one of the people helping me out the most in all this........ Also u guys....... thank you for all the advice u been giving me........ It helps...................
hopeforlove243 Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Don't do stupid things, it won't help your situation, and you might end-up in jail, it is not worth it. My ex-bf asked for spaces 2.5 months ago, the next thing I know, he is sleeping with other woman, he insists that they are just friends. Anyway, I tried to break up with him, he kept calling me till this Monday, he wants to be friends. I realize that he just wants to have me as his backup, he knows I love him deeply, and want him back into my life. Your ex-gf is just like him, they want to have fun themselves, but they also want to keep ex there for them as back up, or fill in their empty slot. Don't be fool, let her go, no matter how much you love her, you need to do NC with her at this time, maybe that will bring her back, maybe not, but you need to focus on yourself. It is hard, trust me, today is the 5th day of my NC, I still barely can function, but I know if I contact him, I will go back to square one again. hang in there, and you are not alone, others can go through this, you can too.
joekurtz Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Don't do stupid things, it won't help your situation, and you might end-up in jail, it is not worth it. My ex-bf asked for spaces 2.5 months ago, the next thing I know, he is sleeping with other woman, he insists that they are just friends. Anyway, I tried to break up with him, he kept calling me till this Monday, he wants to be friends. I realize that he just wants to have me as his backup, he knows I love him deeply, and want him back into my life. Your ex-gf is just like him, they want to have fun themselves, but they also want to keep ex there for them as back up, or fill in their empty slot. Don't be fool, let her go, no matter how much you love her, you need to do NC with her at this time, maybe that will bring her back, maybe not, but you need to focus on yourself. It is hard, trust me, today is the 5th day of my NC, I still barely can function, but I know if I contact him, I will go back to square one again. hang in there, and you are not alone, others can go through this, you can too. Well you stay strong. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders & you realize that NC is the only way to get through this sitch. Like I said earlier in this thread, I know just how incredibly difficult in can be, but each day gets a wee bit easier & at the end of a couple of weeks, when you finally feel like you can breath again unencumbered, you'll thank yourself for staying strong. As for these individuals who do ( or have done ) these things to us, I really don't get it. I never figured it out when I went through it years ago & I don't understand it now. I've no clue what makes these people tick. I've been through being the one to end a relationship & it's no fun. But, you do what you have to do & try to be as decent about it as possible. Then you move on, so the individual that you've broken up with can move on. There's absolutely no need for any of this lingering, leave 'em with false hopes for your eventual return nonsense. IMO that's just cruel. If you're so insecure that you need to keep some poor soul "in your back pocket" to use as a contingency plan for your love/sex life, then you're a pretty ****ty person in my book.
Author marine Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Im feelign a bit better, I started no contact the other day. ( a lot of ppl were advising me to do so) but i got a few questions on how this is supposed to work, if she calls me, do I answer? if she messages me. do I respond? if she see's me and says hi, do i walk away or talk to her? I was able to clear my head the other day........... I was wiht my cousins, and uncles, and well we were just drinking, it helped....... a lot, I know they say u shouldnt drink ecause of somthing, but dammit it helps, So ya......... any more input would be gladly appriciated.
Bigfootedfred Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 If she calls? Answer if you feel you have anything to talk about. dont get into a call and say nothing place. if she messages, yeah sure. just dont go mad. and yes, going on a piss up does help alot, just dont start drinking yourself silly every night!
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