Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 First off: Craigslist....."looking for just friends".......those two things are not compatible. If you want to find friends, go to a coffee shop...join a cooking class......join an online meetup group........ANYTHING but Craigslist! A person asking another person the questions you mentioned could be interested in friendship because people like to know about their friends. They might want to know if there are shared interests, shared styles (clothing), shared backgrounds (college) and get a visual picture in their mind of them (his question about who people say that you look like.....Btw...Johnny Depp? Yeah....he wishes.....) So asking questions CAN indicate an interest in friendship. But consider the context it's being asked in. It's on Craigslist! A guy asking a woman personal things on CL is probably also typing with one hand. (I'm sorry...did I overstate my views on Craigslist here?) I don't like coffee, I don't have money for classes, I just moved here and want to meet new people. I work in a chocolate shop with ladies in their late 40s and I am late 20s. I disagree I have met some great people on there, men and woman. I don't expect every person who responds to truly looking for friends. I know not all responses are going to be who I was looking for. Hey I got a response from a woman sending me a pic in her undies, so isn't just the guys! LOL At least the guys are more subtle or borderline flirty!
halfarock Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I don’t at all agree with the idea that all men only see women as potential sex partners. It falls into the same category as the idea that through evolutional biology men are hardwired to spread their seed, thus will always cheat if given the opportunity. Maybe I’m not human but was dropped off by aliens. 99% of women don’t do anything for me from a sexually attraction point of view. The other 1% more than make up for it. My best friend is a woman and I just can’t imagine a situation arising where sexual attraction would come between us. We even talk about our love interests with each other. All my life I’ve had female friends. It seems to me that one of the reasons that I get on so well with women romantically is because I do hang out with women all the time. I’ve never been one of those guys who thought that women are so hard to figure out.
uniqueone Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I don't like coffee, I don't have money for classes, I just moved here and want to meet new people. I work in a chocolate shop with ladies in their late 40s and I am late 20s. I disagree I have met some great people on there, men and woman. I don't expect every person who responds to truly looking for friends. I know not all responses are going to be who I was looking for. Hey I got a response from a woman sending me a pic in her undies, so isn't just the guys! LOL At least the guys are more subtle or borderline flirty! Um....You don't have to drink coffee...it's sort of a term used for getting beverage. Yes, there are weird women on Craigslist as well as men....never said it was exclusive to men. Basically, any free site tends to have a larger share of undesirables in my opinion. My overall point was....don't expect much out of Craigslist. It's not exactly the epitome of class.
Yamaha Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 99% of women don’t do anything for me from a sexually attraction point of view. The other 1% more than make up for it. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
MeAndNotHer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 just like not all gay men are attracted to all other gay men, and same for women, not all people are attracted to all people of the opposite sex. it's not hard to understand. people have types, they know what they want. to assume that two will people will fall in love (or into bed) after being friends is a ridiculous assumption, everyone would just be screwing everybody then. besides, that would just be too easy.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Um....You don't have to drink coffee...it's sort of a term used for getting beverage. Yes, there are weird women on Craigslist as well as men....never said it was exclusive to men. Basically, any free site tends to have a larger share of undesirables in my opinion. My overall point was....don't expect much out of Craigslist. It's not exactly the epitome of class. LOL You take things too seriously!
xfess Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 One of my best friends is a girl that I went to college with and we have been very good friends for over 4 years. Ive went on road trips with her, stayed over at her house, always had great conversations together, etc. I admit I was attracted to her but I knew she wanted me as a friend and we've kept it that way ever since. I call her up just to get advice from a woman's perspective regarding the relationship I am in with a girl I am currently seeing. She says Im a very good friend and trusts me 110%. So yes it is possible, I know most girls would like to have guy friends, but you know guys most of the time dont want girl - friends, only girlfriends
uniqueone Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 One of my best friends is a girl that I went to college with and we have been very good friends for over 4 years. Ive went on road trips with her, stayed over at her house, always had great conversations together, etc. I admit I was attracted to her but I knew she wanted me as a friend and we've kept it that way ever since. I call her up just to get advice from a woman's perspective regarding the relationship I am in with a girl I am currently seeing. She says Im a very good friend and trusts me 110%. So yes it is possible, I know most girls would like to have guy friends, but you know guys most of the time dont want girl - friends, only girlfriends I think yours is the classic situation. The guy is interested in the girl as more than a friend. Some, when they find out that she's not interested back, are ok with it and can stay friends. Others can't. But I think most of the time, men become friends with women they're interested in being more than friends with.
monkey00 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I think yours is the classic situation. The guy is interested in the girl as more than a friend. Some, when they find out that she's not interested back, are ok with it and can stay friends. Others can't. But I think most of the time, men become friends with women they're interested in being more than friends with. then that's not a real friendship at all because of the ulterior motive. But eh, some say a good foundation for a relationship is friendship. The only good friendships I've had with women are the ones where we keep a certain amount of distance. Get too close and see each other too much, then the question of a couple is obviously up in the air or maybe fwb.
Yamaha Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 then that's not a real friendship at all because of the ulterior motive. But eh, some say a good foundation for a relationship is friendship. The only good friendships I've had with women are the ones where we keep a certain amount of distance. Get too close and see each other too much, then the question of a couple is obviously up in the air or maybe fwb. So true. Close friendships usually mean 1 of you wants more and you really don't have just a friendship. Women are much better at keeping it in the friends realm because it is usually the guy who starts the friendship and it was because he was attracted. Only if he can put his feelings aside and still want a friendship will it work out.
2sunny Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 i have lots of male friends and have for over 25 years. i would consider most of them in my very dear friends category.
Yamaha Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 i have lots of male friends and have for over 25 years. i would consider most of them in my very dear friends category. And how often do you see these male friends? Daily, weekly, monthly??????? Close contact with lots of one-on-one will change the friendship if 1 of you is attracted.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I have decided to give dating a break for a while and consentrate on meeting new friends in my new area. Re my post no one responded to LOL http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t131449/ Anyway I have been talking to some great new people, guys and girls. To make friends in the area I just moved to. I was talking to think one guy and he was asking me what I do and so on. I told him about working in a Chocolate shop and he said he loves chocolate and all it's many uses. My mind went directly to chocolate body paint! LOL So I thought, is that what he was hinting at? Hmm was he flirting? So I ask, many uses? And he says, ya in cookies, with peanut butter and so on. So I think ah ok it was just my brain that thought that meant body paint! LOL I had been in friend mode and was my idea to look for guy friends, but when the many uses of chocolate came up my brain just went there. Which lead me to wonder. Can guys and girls be friends with little things like that come up where one side or the other may wonder if the other is flirting. Or maybe one gets to be feeling like more than friends. I do have one guy friend and know nothing will happen with him. On my end I am not attracted to him physically or personality as more than a friend. He sees me as a sister so ya nothing will happen there! Sorry haven't read the whole thread but I think it's possible, but depending on the person, imbalances are likely at some point. I've always felt that the spark of attraction is what makes a great friendship in the first place. One of my best friends, we were originally gonna date but decided it would be better as just friends. I think our chemistry and spark is what makes the friendship so fun. I would love to date her someday, but not yet. I'm not ready, and we're at completely different places in life. So rather than blow her out by dating her for a short while, I'd much prefer to have her in my life as a friend, and if it's ever possible to renegotiate, I'm all ears. That being said, I have female friends who there is NO attraction on either side, and it makes things a lot easier.
squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 And how often do you see these male friends? Daily, weekly, monthly??????? Close contact with lots of one-on-one will change the friendship if 1 of you is attracted. I'm curious too. People use the word "friends" but it needs to be defined in terms of how much contact is kept up. If opposite sex friends are talking every day, one definitely wants more, whether the other acknowledges or not. I think it is possible to have opposite sex friends you are in touch with very sporadically, but that is more like acquaintance then. And it is not a coincidence that when one person becomes single-suddenly the opposite sex friends are contacting eachother more frequently. So much for "real friendship". 100% friends-no. Of course exceptions exist, but in general -no. Men and women can never be 100% pure friends who are in frequent contact without some feelings cropping up.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I'm curious too. People use the word "friends" but it needs to be defined in terms of how much contact is kept up. If opposite sex friends are talking every day, one definitely wants more, whether the other acknowledges or not. I think it is possible to have opposite sex friends you are in touch with very sporadically, but that is more like acquaintance then. And it is not a coincidence that when one person becomes single-suddenly the opposite sex friends are contacting eachother more frequently. So much for "real friendship". 100% friends-no. Of course exceptions exist, but in general -no. Men and women can never be 100% pure friends who are in frequent contact without some feelings cropping up. Interesting... cuz the friend I was referring to is always the one contacting me, yet she's always quickest to remind ME of what the boundaries are, even though I never push them. Sometimes I think she's trying to convince herself... I dunno... We talk about all of our guy/girl problems together. I can't figure her out so I've given up trying. I just enjoy hanging out with her and I don't really care where it's going. Someday, yes, but for now... bad idea. Oh, and we talk every day, almost without fail, and she's usually the one to call me.
squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Interesting... cuz the friend I was referring to is always the one contacting me, yet she's always quickest to remind ME of what the boundaries are, even though I never push them. Sometimes I think she's trying to convince herself... I dunno... We talk about all of our guy/girl problems together. I can't figure her out so I've given up trying. I just enjoy hanging out with her and I don't really care where it's going. Someday, yes, but for now... bad idea. Oh, and we talk every day, almost without fail, and she's usually the one to call me. Well you said that you both felt chemistry but decided friends for now so there ya go! It's true-frequent contact = 1 wants/will want more, the majority of the time. And those weird mixed messages from her in the situation you described are very typical too. How will that relationship be affected if you start seriously dating another girl? Contact as frequent or no?
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 You know, I've really been wondering about that. If she gets a serious boyfriend I'm sure I won't hear from her as often. And I did make out with one of her friends a while ago and she got PISSED!!! Since then she's been a lot less touchy with me, although the communication hasn't decreased. lol i really don't know what to make of it. When I feel like I'm ready to date her I'll attempt to ramp things up and see what happens, but until then, I'm fine with things the way they are. I really don't mind the ambiguity. I don't know what she'd do if I got a serious girlfriend... I'm trying to figure out if she's relieved that the other girl flaked on me (from the other thread) lol no matter what, I love her. She's such a sweetheart and always there for me.
squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Well Phateless I hope you know that you'd need to tone town your friendship with her 90% to maybe complete disconnect if you meet a new girl you intend to be serious about, or we'll see you back here or your GF with a post totled "BF's female friend-is there more?" or some variation.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 haha, yeah you're right... whenever we go anywhere together people always assume we're a couple. we stopped by her work and her coworker goes "oh is this your bf?" and my friend says "no, that's Josh." it was hilarious.
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