uniqueone Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I think it's easier for women to be just friends with men than for men to be just friends with women. Men are more competitive. If a woman friend is going to be talking to her male friend about her dates, that often doesn't sit well with a man. I think that at some point a man always has some attraction to the woman. I don't think he'd pursue a friendship if he didn't. Personally I don't think Riddler felt too good about walking out of the picture when his friend was interested in another guy. What male feels good about that? Let's use the "fair game" comment (which I detest, btw, because women aren't "game") But...since you're alluding to a jungle mentality, I'll continue the analogy here.....what male ape wants to willingly let another male ape know that he's more dominant (the 2nd ape) and therefore he (the 2nd ape) should have access to the female for sex? I think natural selection would be killing off that first ape (sorry Riddler) for his weakness in the jungle kingdom. Sorry....but I just won't believe that Riddler walked away feeling good about it even if he tried to act like he did. Edited to add: Btw Riddler, I'm not saying you were weak. What you did was considered strong in our society today. However I don't think it's natural for a man to do and I think a scenario such as that causes a man to have to cover up what he really feels. Not that you were interested in a relationship with your friend, but still....being comfortable having your friend pass you over for another man.....I don't think it's natural for a man to feel good about that.
Timberlane Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Personally I don't think Riddler felt too good about walking out of the picture when his friend was interested in another guy. What male feels good about that? Oh man. You are thinking about a man that secretly has romantic feelings for his friend-girl. Don't put that on the Riddler. But friends do take a very keen interest in the happiness of each other, no? I absolutely love it when my best friend here in town, who is an attractive woman, gets some attention at a party or gathering that we are both at. I quietly encourage it. I want her to meet a cool, nice, handsome guy that is nuts about her! And she wants the same thing for me, with a nice woman. That's one good way you can tell when you are really friends with someone of the opposite sex. You make a good wingman. What's weak is not being able to watch your female friend meet attractive guys at a party, say. What, you can't go mingle on your own? Pffffft.
uniqueone Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Oh man. You are thinking about a man that secretly has romantic feelings for his friend-girl. Don't put that on the Riddler. You didn't follow.
Pyro Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Sounds more like a kind of an inter-gender wing man... ... but maybe that's the measure that this is truly a "friends" relationship because, for example, this is exactly the kind of thing a guy would do for another guy friend - facilitate a meeting like that. Only it's even better, because in this example, you and your friend are not potentially competing for the same targets... I like the way you put that. Personally I don't think Riddler felt too good about walking out of the picture when his friend was interested in another guy. What male feels good about that? Let's use the "fair game" comment (which I detest, btw, because women aren't "game") But...since you're alluding to a jungle mentality, I'll continue the analogy here.....what male ape wants to willingly let another male ape know that he's more dominant (the 2nd ape) and therefore he (the 2nd ape) should have access to the female for sex? I think natural selection would be killing off that first ape (sorry Riddler) for his weakness in the jungle kingdom. Sorry....but I just won't believe that Riddler walked away feeling good about it even if he tried to act like he did. Edited to add: Btw Riddler, I'm not saying you were weak. What you did was considered strong in our society today. However I don't think it's natural for a man to do and I think a scenario such as that causes a man to have to cover up what he really feels. Not that you were interested in a relationship with your friend, but still....being comfortable having your friend pass you over for another man.....I don't think it's natural for a man to feel good about that. You don't understand. She has been a good friend of mine since highschool. We have been to the bar many of times and have gone to concerts together many of times. I honestly 100% have NO FEELINGS whatsoever towards her. She is my friend. I walked away with ease and grabbed a beer at the bar. There was no competition. I was not passed up. Again, men and women can be friends. BTW: I didn't actually tell them "fair game". Thats just my fancy way of explaining it on here.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 You weren't imagining things. Trust your instincts....they're often right. Its "many uses"??? C'mon now.....we all know your everyday person (especially a guy) doesn't talk like that when they're talking about eating chocolate. When you questioned him, his mind said "uh-oh...pervert alert.....I need to tone it down or she's going to run off fast....." One thing I learn as time goes on is....trust your instincts. I can imagine the conversation just flowing along but right as you heard that sentence a little red flag popped up. When those little flags go up, heed them. They don't steer you wrong. That is true, though I didn't mind him hinting at things to do with chocolate other than cookies. If he was! LOL Ok here is another. Been talking to another guy from Craig's list from the platonic ad I made. He has asked me what clothing style I have, if I went to college (what I took) and what famous person people would say I look like (he said people say he looks like Johnny Depp! hee hee). Would someone interested in looking for just friends ask questions like that? To me those things wouldn't matter to be for a friend.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I like the way you put that. You don't understand. She has been a good friend of mine since highschool. We have been to the bar many of times and have gone to concerts together many of times. I honestly 100% have NO FEELINGS whatsoever towards her. She is my friend. I walked away with ease and grabbed a beer at the bar. There was no competition. I was not passed up. Again, men and women can be friends. BTW: I didn't actually tell them "fair game". Thats just my fancy way of explaining it on here. I didn't mean to imply that you were attracted to her or interested in her. I was just stating that it's not natural for a man to want to be put aside for another man to approach. It goes against instinct.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Ok here is another. Been talking to another guy from Craig's list from the platonic ad I made. He has asked me what clothing style I have, if I went to college (what I took) and what famous person people would say I look like (he said people say he looks like Johnny Depp! hee hee). Would someone interested in looking for just friends ask questions like that? To me those things wouldn't matter to be for a friend. First off: Craigslist....."looking for just friends".......those two things are not compatible. If you want to find friends, go to a coffee shop...join a cooking class......join an online meetup group........ANYTHING but Craigslist! A person asking another person the questions you mentioned could be interested in friendship because people like to know about their friends. They might want to know if there are shared interests, shared styles (clothing), shared backgrounds (college) and get a visual picture in their mind of them (his question about who people say that you look like.....Btw...Johnny Depp? Yeah....he wishes.....) So asking questions CAN indicate an interest in friendship. But consider the context it's being asked in. It's on Craigslist! A guy asking a woman personal things on CL is probably also typing with one hand. (I'm sorry...did I overstate my views on Craigslist here?)
Cobra_X30 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Hi Unique, I tried to send a pm... and your inbox is full. I will try again Monday! OP, The platonic section... does not always yield platonic results! Sounds like questions you'd ask someone you want to be a little more than friends with!
monkey00 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 This is a complicated topic. I think it's possible to be friends as long as there is a good level of maturity and mutual understanding on both parts. Personally I'm a very mature guy, and the most successful friendships I've had with women in the past or present are in fact very mature themselves and intellectually smart and pretty even depending on who's perspective. In this type of situation it's difficult to decipher if they are truly a friend or a good acquantance I've known for many years. But I'll leave that out in the open. I think the proximity of certain opposite sex friendships depends on the personality type of the individuals themselves. Some may use the friendship to vent about each others problems/take advice from each other, some may get along on an intellectual level and not be physically attracted, and there are those who use the friendship as a backburner if no one better/else comes along. I honestly don't have much female friends, the ones I do have I've either known since middle school, h.s., or college. But regardless at some point for all of those initially, either it was me or them wanting to get into the other's pants but never really acted on it and eventually got over it. But anyway female friends are often unreliable so they're actually pretty useless as friends, I wouldn't mind catching up with them every once in awhile...but honestly, I'd rather hangout with the guys, have some beer and talk about women or be each other's wingman and meet women. All the women I know can't hold their liquor anyway...they're no fun..
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I learned to keep male friends at a distance. I was way late in life in getting male friends probably because I didn't even know how to talk to guys at all until I was ...well.....let's not get into how old I was before that happened..... So then when I finally grew out of my shell (more like an iron fortress....) I began to acquire male friends. Only I was pretty naive. I pretty much had to be knocked over the head with a hammer before it clicked in me that they didn't just want to be my friend. I was clueless. I then learned to be outspoken about things and come out and tell guys that I wasnt interested in more (when I got the feeling that they were---such as them hinting things to me) The guy would swear up and down that he was fine with friendship, but inevitbably the hinting would crop up again. This especially would happen when they'd know of my dating experiences. If they knew about my lack of satisfaction in what I was finding on the dating scene or about my ending up with jerks, this gave them their opportunity to make a pitch to me that THEY were the answer to my dating problems. The way they saw it, we liked each other and they treated me well....and they knew that I WANTED someone who treated me well....so they couldn't see the problem at all with why I wouldn't be interested. [sIGH] why is it that some guys just don't *get* the "chemistry" thing, huh? Why is it that they don't understand that you could like talking to them till the sun comes up but that doesnt mean that you want to sleep with them??? So now.....I keep single male friends at a distance.
Yamaha Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 [sIGH] why is it that some guys just don't *get* the "chemistry" thing, huh? Why is it that they don't understand that you could like talking to them till the sun comes up but that doesn't mean that you want to sleep with them??? Men and women are different. If a man spends lots of time talking to you the chances are good he wants more than being a friend but a women can talk to a guy everyday but not want more. The more time a man spends with a women the more emotionally attached he becomes and the more he wants it to develop into a relationship. Women can become emotionally attached but they still don't have the "spark" that wants them to become physical. A guy has to learn the ways women are different and that takes trial and error.
Pyro Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I didn't mean to imply that you were attracted to her or interested in her. I was just stating that it's not natural for a man to want to be put aside for another man to approach. It goes against instinct. If I were interested in her in any way, then I would have felt bad about being pushed aside. My goal was to help a friend meet a guy and I suceeded.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Men and women are different. If a man spends lots of time talking to you the chances are good he wants more than being a friend but a women can talk to a guy everyday but not want more. The more time a man spends with a women the more emotionally attached he becomes and the more he wants it to develop into a relationship. Women can become emotionally attached but they still don't have the "spark" that wants them to become physical. A guy has to learn the ways women are different and that takes trial and error. I totally agree. To me that also says that men become friends with women they're attracted to physically. Then.....all they need is the emotional part to develop and it can turn into a relationship. Whereas women become friends with men whether or not they're attracted physically.
Timberlane Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 If I were interested in her in any way, then I would have felt bad about being pushed aside. My goal was to help a friend meet a guy and I suceeded. Good job wingman. My female friend helped out many nights ago by letting me have her car keys and me giving her mine. We were all the way in another town hours from home and my car was back at our carpool stop. She caught a ride back there with, it just so happened, a friend of ours she was interested in that was there with us. Two birds - one stone. On Sesame Street they called it cooperation.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 On Sesame Street they called it cooperation. I'm sure Big Bird would be pleased to know he had an impact on you......
Pyro Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Good job wingman. My female friend helped out many nights ago by letting me have her car keys and me giving her mine. We were all the way in another town hours from home and my car was back at our carpool stop. She caught a ride back there with, it just so happened, a friend of ours she was interested in that was there with us. Two birds - one stone. On Sesame Street they called it cooperation. Thanks. If I felt any ounce of uncomfortableness, then I would never have been such a good wingman. Not so bad yourself wingman.
Timberlane Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I'm sure Big Bird would be pleased to know he had an impact on you...... Big Bird creeped me out since he was so towering and had that squeaky little voice. Ooops, I didn't mean to get off topic. Please forgive. Back to your thread topic of "Can men and women really be 100% friends?" Yes, but I'd say 95% friends is about as close as it gets. You just never can eliminate that last 5% instinctual thing going on.
Yamaha Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I totally agree. To me that also says that men become friends with women they're attracted to physically. Then.....all they need is the emotional part to develop and it can turn into a relationship. Whereas women become friends with men whether or not they're attracted physically. Many times women like the attention from guy friends and they hope the guy doesn't reveal his feelings so they don't have to tell him they don't feel the same way. You can't always blame the guy because there are many women who feed off of his attraction and keep him on the string. Most people want their cake and eat it too.
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Many times women like the attention from guy friends and they hope the guy doesn't reveal his feelings so they don't have to tell him they don't feel the same way. You can't always blame the guy because there are many women who feed off of his attraction and keep him on the string. Most people want their cake and eat it too. Very true. Good point!
uniqueone Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Big Bird creeped me out since he was so towering and had that squeaky little voice. That explains your "killing two birds with one stone" comment.......
monkey00 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Many times women like the attention from guy friends and they hope the guy doesn't reveal his feelings so they don't have to tell him they don't feel the same way. You can't always blame the guy because there are many women who feed off of his attraction and keep him on the string. Most people want their cake and eat it too. That's one of the biggest reasons why I don't believe a guy should be friends with women in the first place. But then the guy should also take responsibility for his actions also. As long as neither is leading each other on, and there's equal give and take , that's a real friendship there.
Timberlane Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 That explains your "killing two birds with one stone" comment....... You see right through me!
Haner Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 All my relationships that started as friends ended as friends. For some reason they just don't work out. The ladder theory is has some merit. Women have a mental wall between friends and lovers.
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