Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 First, can I avoid falling for her? Second, can she avoid falling for me? And third, what are the chances that both of us want the same level of relationship? Maybe she wants a FWB and I just want a friend, or maybe I want a wife and she just wants a friend. Egad, it's talk like this that makes me want to just be a relationship monk for the rest of my natural days. Good luck, though. Wow that's even more confusing and complicated than I thought. I was just curious. Good luck to you too.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I'm not retarded. But I also won't deny that maybe one or two of them were initially attracted to me- but know someone long enough and yes, a relationship can be strictly platonic. But I maintain I still have male friends that things have been 100% platonic from the start, and our friendships became based on shared friends and interests. Who said anything about calling you retarded or anything like that? My point and my post wasn't that men and woman couldn't be friends. It was about could they be friends without one of them thinking about the other differently or flirting happening. They can be friends without anything happening (dating or having sex), but there can be attraction, thoughts and flirting.
alterego1234 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Wow that's even more confusing and complicated than I thought. I was just curious. Good luck to you too. I am disposed towards making things complicated. Thanks.
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 It will only be completely innocent if both people are 100% not attracted to the other. Otherwise, there's feelings somewhere. This is why Krytie and I are not friends. He wants me. But really, I agree. Unless there's no attraction whatsoever, it really cannot be completely platonic...and you really have NO idea whether or not the other person truly isn't attracted to you, making finding opposite-sex friends so damn difficult.
Pyro Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 If I had a dollar for every new thread about this matter I would have lots of dollars. Of course men and women are capable of being platonic friends. Most people that I talk to say that its not possible, so around here it is a rarity.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Of course men and women are capable of being platonic friends. Most people that I talk to say that its not possible, so around here it is a rarity. Everyone creates their own reality.
Krytie TV Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 This is why Krytie and I are not friends. He wants me. *swoooooon* ohhh Staaaaar... I think there are also 2 discussions going on here. Yes, 2 people can be physically platonic regardless of the attraction level by either party involved. However, unless there is a mutual zero attraction, I don't feel it can be emotionally platonic. And given that most men only become friends with women they are attracted to (yes, I completely believe in the "When Harry met Sally" philosophy), that pretty much indicates that inter-gender friendships always have a desire from one or both people.
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Ofcourse men and women can be friends! Just keep things in check, respect eachother and if you're married or have a boyfriend/girlfriend, involve your spouse too, in the friendship. Not everyone falls for their opposite sex friend.
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 It will only be completely innocent if both people are 100% not attracted to the other. Otherwise, there's feelings somewhere. This is true...But, let's assume some thoughts are there, even if it's never spoken of. Here's an example an old male co-worker buddy of mine used to say: IF you are friends with a guy, at some point in time he's thought of you naked, thought of banging you - But then he gets over it and it's no big deal. For the woman - Don't talk about the PMS thing, or any other female issues down there with a guy. Don't take things personally, men don't think or plan to hurt a friends feelings. If I say I'll call you later and I don't, it doesnt' mean I'm pissed off at you, it means I just forgot. PERIOD. LOL this friend is a friend of my husband's and he's one of the weirdest, funniest guy's we know. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. Gaawwdd, I hope what I'm writing is making sense! I'm sick and things aren't making 100% sense in my head! LOL
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 Ok here is a second question along the same lines. I have wondered before when hanging out with a guy friend of mine. We are both single, but not interested in each other. Will other guys be interested or look my way if they see me with a guy, assume I am taken? Or vise versa for him?
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Guys, you can correct me if I'm wrong and yes, I know you will......but... some guys will still consider you fair game, if the body language doesn't reflect a more intimate relationship. They will be more tentative to approach though, except if you're in a bar/club. It doesn't seem to matter to guys, within this atmosphere, although once again, it's reliant on personality type.
Pyro Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Ok here is a second question along the same lines. I have wondered before when hanging out with a guy friend of mine. We are both single, but not interested in each other. Will other guys be interested or look my way if they see me with a guy, assume I am taken? Or vise versa for him? When my female friend(s) and I are out somewhere and she happens to notice that a guy is looking at her, she will tell me to go away so she gets a chance to talk to him and vice versa. A few times I went up to the guy and told him that she was fair game.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 A few times I went up to the guy and told him that she was fair game. ohhhh, so you's a pimp kinda friend...
Pyro Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 ohhhh, so you's a pimp kinda friend... Never thought of it like that. It did surprise them though when I walked up to them like that.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I would feel bad blowing of my friend to meet a guy
Pyro Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I would feel bad blowing of my friend to meet a guy I wasn't offended. She told me to go away for the time being, like up to the bar or something. She wasn't telling me to go away for the rest of the night.
Timberlane Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I wasn't offended. She told me to go away for the time being, like up to the bar or something. She wasn't telling me to go away for the rest of the night. I have a close friend like that, too. She's usually shy, so she wouldn't tell me to go away. I would do it on my own accord. In fact, one night I had to explain that she wasn't my girlfriend. That quickly done, I turned my attention to the nice blond girl that asked. My friend is very hot, incidentally. Not my type to date exactly, but I do find her physically attractive. We also like to call each other the next day and give high fives over the phone at work. I would say no male-female friendship is completely devoid of some sexual tension. But being rational, you should be able to deal with it. If not, eh, maybe you should be dating?
Replicant Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I didn't mention what came to my mind! LOL I though "oh I was the only one that went to that line of thinking!" LOL And if I mentioned it that maybe he would think that I'm not looking for just friends and going back on what I was saying. Though not that I am apposed it anything with any of them may happen ... You didn't mention it, now why's that!? I think he was reciting different chocolate products...In admiration of your being a 'chocolate artist' just not realizing you already had your brushes out! Personally not worried about it, meeting some great people and it some become more than friends then great. Just not my first intention. The chocolate thing could go either way but I can't help having my flirt alert up! LOL Though why do I when I am looking for "friends". LOL Can't help wondering if they are doing the same.Yep that's cool, i guess you cannot paint everyone with the same brush eh? I'm sure you'll draw out many whom just want a friend for the same reasons you do, they are too busy and cannot find the time or don't know anyone here. If they are genuine it could carry on that way if it's made clear..period. Relationship wise, there is too many variables in such a discussion. So what if it did not work out relationship wise, maybe she'd play matchmaker with her other friend(s) who would be more suited!? I have met some great girls too, but don't have to worry about this stuff with them! Oh! Probably not a good idea telling that girl in her underwear you work in a chocolate store, she may update her link
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 Oh! Probably not a good idea telling that girl in her underwear you work in a chocolate store, she may update her link Oh ya I won't be telling that underwear girl anything! LOL Having fun with the chocolate painting idea aren't ya? Personally I could try something more with someone and if it didn't work then go back to friends. Or have started dating a guy in the past, made out then ended up being friends so it doesn't really matter to me as long as everyone is up front.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 6, 2007 Author Posted October 6, 2007 I wasn't offended. She told me to go away for the time being, like up to the bar or something. She wasn't telling me to go away for the rest of the night. I didn't think you meant for the whole night. I meant though when I made plans to go out with my friend I would feel bad telling him to go away for a little bit so I can get hit on by a guy.
amber1 Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Men and women can only be JUST friends if there is zero attraction between them.
Yamaha Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Generally you can be friends if you don't have a physical and emotional connection ( chemistry ) with them. I have never been able to be friends with someone I really liked and wanted to be with and, quite honestly, I wouldn't even try. There is no sense trying to force a friendship if all you can think of is kissing them.
Trimmer Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 ohhhh, so you's a pimp kinda friend... Never thought of it like that. Sounds more like a kind of an inter-gender wing man... I meant though when I made plans to go out with my friend I would feel bad telling him to go away for a little bit so I can get hit on by a guy. ... but maybe that's the measure that this is truly a "friends" relationship because, for example, this is exactly the kind of thing a guy would do for another guy friend - facilitate a meeting like that. Only it's even better, because in this example, you and your friend are not potentially competing for the same targets...
uniqueone Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I was talking to think one guy and he was asking me what I do and so on. I told him about working in a Chocolate shop and he said he loves chocolate and all it's many uses. My mind went directly to chocolate body paint! LOL So I thought, is that what he was hinting at? Hmm was he flirting? So I ask, many uses? And he says, ya in cookies, with peanut butter and so on. So I think ah ok it was just my brain that thought that meant body paint! LOL You weren't imagining things. Trust your instincts....they're often right. Its "many uses"??? C'mon now.....we all know your everyday person (especially a guy) doesn't talk like that when they're talking about eating chocolate. When you questioned him, his mind said "uh-oh...pervert alert.....I need to tone it down or she's going to run off fast....." One thing I learn as time goes on is....trust your instincts. I can imagine the conversation just flowing along but right as you heard that sentence a little red flag popped up. When those little flags go up, heed them. They don't steer you wrong.
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