sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I have decided to give dating a break for a while and consentrate on meeting new friends in my new area. Re my post no one responded to LOL http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t131449/ Anyway I have been talking to some great new people, guys and girls. To make friends in the area I just moved to. I was talking to think one guy and he was asking me what I do and so on. I told him about working in a Chocolate shop and he said he loves chocolate and all it's many uses. My mind went directly to chocolate body paint! LOL So I thought, is that what he was hinting at? Hmm was he flirting? So I ask, many uses? And he says, ya in cookies, with peanut butter and so on. So I think ah ok it was just my brain that thought that meant body paint! LOL I had been in friend mode and was my idea to look for guy friends, but when the many uses of chocolate came up my brain just went there. Which lead me to wonder. Can guys and girls be friends with little things like that come up where one side or the other may wonder if the other is flirting. Or maybe one gets to be feeling like more than friends. I do have one guy friend and know nothing will happen with him. On my end I am not attracted to him physically or personality as more than a friend. He sees me as a sister so ya nothing will happen there!
Lyssa Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 It is possible for a man and woman to be just friends. It will be hard if both are attracted to one another, of course but it's not impossible! I have a lot guy friends that are good looking and have great personalities but I just don't see myself seeing one of them as more than friends. #1 is most often than not, those guys are gay #2 great personality but no chemistry. It's harder when you're in a relationship - that's what my girl friends keep telling me but I have no problem being loyal and a friend is a friend to me, nothing more. It can never be more especially when I am involved with someone. I don't know if my insight is relevant but at least you got a reply!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 He was probably bieng coy! Notice that when you called him on it.... he had left himself an out! I'd bet money he knew exactly what you were going to think! Platonic friends.... Very hit and miss in my opinion. I dont try to keep super close female friends! What happened to that one guy you were dating? The bad kisser.
lino Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Yes I think guys & girls can be friends without problems. I have several female friends which I've known for many years without a problem. I don't like it when a girl has many more guy friends than she does girlfriends though, from my experience there's usually a very valid reason for that!
Krytie TV Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 It will only be completely innocent if both people are 100% not attracted to the other. Otherwise, there's feelings somewhere.
Replicant Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I have decided to give dating a break for a while and consentrate on meeting new friends in my new area. Re my post no one responded to LOL http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t131449/ Anyway I have been talking to some great new people, guys and girls. To make friends in the area I just moved to. I was talking to think one guy and he was asking me what I do and so on. I told him about working in a Chocolate shop and he said he loves chocolate and all it's many uses. My mind went directly to chocolate body paint! LOL So I thought, is that what he was hinting at? Hmm was he flirting? So I ask, many uses? And he says, ya in cookies, with peanut butter and so on. So I think ah ok it was just my brain that thought that meant body paint! LOL I had been in friend mode and was my idea to look for guy friends, but when the many uses of chocolate came up my brain just went there. Which lead me to wonder. Can guys and girls be friends with little things like that come up where one side or the other may wonder if the other is flirting. Or maybe one gets to be feeling like more than friends. I do have one guy friend and know nothing will happen with him. On my end I am not attracted to him physically or personality as more than a friend. He sees me as a sister so ya nothing will happen there! So after he eluded to it being in cookies and baked goods..now did you chase that thought with chocolate being great on a human canvas back at him? A real wildcard of a question you ask here i would typically consider that flirting and respond in kind. If it leads to friendship or more, who knows...let it go how it goes. It's not hard to figure that stuff out. Anyways, but i think it also depends on who people are personality wise, it's like saying that to a typically shy girl and have her not know how to respond to it! Ooops conversation overkill then
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 Thanks for the input. I guess it depends on the people and if they are gay which I hadn't thought of but I don't think counts for what i was asking! LOL As for the guy I was dating, he is no more. I broke it of with him, decided to end it when he started to be one of those bait and switch type guys. Says one thing in the start but the story changes later on. In this case "oh your not far from me I don't mind driving!" to "it's a lot of driving to come and get you do something then drive you home" I'm only 20 mins at most from him. And still a bad kisser! LOL Lino, I found it funny that you were ok with your girl friends but were nervous about your girl's guy friends! Hee hee But true you probably have reason to be.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 So after he eluded to it being in cookies and baked goods..now did you chase that thought with chocolate being great on a human canvas back at him? A real wildcard of a question you ask here i would typically consider that flirting and respond in kind. If it leads to friendship or more, who knows...let it go how it goes. It's not hard to figure that stuff out. Anyways, but i think it also depends on who people are personality wise, it's like saying that to a typically shy girl and have her not know how to respond to it! Ooops conversation overkill then I didn't mention what came to my mind! LOL I though "oh I was the only one that went to that line of thinking!" LOL And if I mentioned it that maybe he would think that I'm not looking for just friends and going back on what I was saying. Though not that I am apposed it anything with any of them may happen ... Personally not worried about it, meeting some great people and it some become more than friends then great. Just not my first intention. The chocolate thing could go either way but I can't help having my flirt alert up! LOL Though why do I when I am looking for "friends". LOL Can't help wondering if they are doing the same. I have met some great girls too, but don't have to worry about this stuff with them! Just more girls to talk about the guys with!
jcster Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Maybe not 100% but usually you can manage about a 85-90%. Most of the male friends that I have are truly just friends, but there still is a little "something" there. They get jealous and protective, and there's a little flirting, even if it's not really going to go anywhere. I don't think I've ever had a 100% platonic male friend (not even the gay ones).
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Look no further than the ladder theory. If you Google "ladder theory" you'll get a tongue in cheek (but brutally true) look at why men and women cannot truly be friends unless one of them is gay, is completely turned off by the other, or one of them is already sexually involved with someone else that they prefer over said 'friend'.
KittenMoon Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I have tons of 100% platonic male friends. In fact, I refer to myself as one married male friend's "platonic mistress", because if his wife doesn't want to do something with him (like see a really geeky action film) she makes him go with me! Male friends rock, even more so when it's totally platonic and you can really just be yourself with them.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I have tons of 100% platonic male friends. In fact, I refer to myself as one married male friend's "platonic mistress", because if his wife doesn't want to do something with him (like see a really geeky action film) she makes him go with me! Male friends rock, even more so when it's totally platonic and you can really just be yourself with them. LOL... LB is right You need to google Ladder Theory and read up on it!
KittenMoon Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 LOL... LB is right You need to google Ladder Theory and read up on it! I looked at it for about 30sec- chock full of stupid!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I looked at it for about 30sec- chock full of stupid! So you disagree that men are like that?
KittenMoon Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 So you disagree that men are like that? I disagree with stupid generalizations.
reboot Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 KittenMoon, What's your answer to the quote below? From the Ladder Theory: I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he: 1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements. 2. Comply.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I disagree with stupid generalizations. Hmmm.... Thats another thread entirely. Why do we use generalizations? Because they often apply in a large majority of circumstances! Its part of associative learning. So while you may disagree with the generalization... I'd say its a pretty safe bet that most of your male friends given the opportunity would.... well you get the idea!
KittenMoon Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 KittenMoon, What's your answer to the quote below? From the Ladder Theory: I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he: 1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements. 2. Comply. I can think of several male friends who would freak out and think I lost my damn mind. And no, they would not have sex with me. Am I saying all? Nope, but I can definitely think of several.
KittenMoon Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I'd say its a pretty safe bet that most of your male friends given the opportunity would.... well you get the idea! And given no other opportunity, straight guys f--k each other in prision. The only thing you've concluded here is that people like to get off.
lino Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Lino, I found it funny that you were ok with your girl friends but were nervous about your girl's guy friends! Hee hee But true you probably have reason to be. No I didn't mean it like that. I don't mind at all if a girl I'm involved with has male friends, what I don't like is when they have LOTS more guy friends than they do girlfriends. If they have more male friends than female friends, from my experience it's because the guy 'friends' are just sticking around to have their 'turn' Yeah I do have female friends but I also have much more guy friends. It would be hypocritical of me to say I can have friends of the opposite sex but a girl I'm involved with can't. However if I'm involved with a girl & then find out as time passes that she has lots of guy friends and not many girlfriends then I'll stop to consider her as gf material. Hope I explained it better this time
alterego1234 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 sweetbutcheeky, I've been wondering the same thing. I think it's possible where there is absolutely no possibility of a relationship and both parties accept that (for example, if one or the other is gay/lesbian, or if one is happily and devotedly married) or if both are not attracted to each other and there are lots of other people around. I do tend to think that if an "available" guy and an "available" girl hang out together and have a good time together that the thought of romance and/or sex will come up sooner or later. But depending on the two people involved and what they want, I think it can be relatively easily quashed. Personally I'm recently divorced and would like to have strictly platonic female friends in my life. And there are three that fit in that category, but all three are in the married category. I really appreciate them because they've been able to talk with me about my divorce and help me work through it and also give me some insight into my ex (they all three know my ex). Then there's another woman who is an acquaintance who seems to be wanting to get together with me in some capacity - friend, boyfriend, lover, FWB, former client? - who knows. I'm considering having coffee with her but I'm conflicted about it for many reasons, but one of them is the question you pose: can she and I just be friends? And the risk is on both sides of the equation and in the middle: First, can I avoid falling for her? Second, can she avoid falling for me? And third, what are the chances that both of us want the same level of relationship? Maybe she wants a FWB and I just want a friend, or maybe I want a wife and she just wants a friend. Egad, it's talk like this that makes me want to just be a relationship monk for the rest of my natural days. Good luck, though.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I have tons of 100% platonic male friends. In fact, I refer to myself as one married male friend's "platonic mistress", because if his wife doesn't want to do something with him (like see a really geeky action film) she makes him go with me! Male friends rock, even more so when it's totally platonic and you can really just be yourself with them. You may not be seeing them as anything more than 100% platonic, but you don't know what they are thinking. With tons of male friends I'm sure the olds are good that one of them has had a thought about more than friends or maybe flirted and you didn't notice.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Yes, I believe there can be platonic friendship between genders. I've got two sets of male friends. Set one are mainly guys that are in happy marriages or relationships. We've known each other for years upon years and we're like siblings. I'm also even better friends with their SOs. Set two are guys who might or might not be interested, therefore, I keep them to a reasonable distance. Friendly but not too close.
KittenMoon Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 You may not be seeing them as anything more than 100% platonic, but you don't know what they are thinking. With tons of male friends I'm sure the olds are good that one of them has had a thought about more than friends or maybe flirted and you didn't notice. I'm not retarded. But I also won't deny that maybe one or two of them were initially attracted to me- but know someone long enough and yes, a relationship can be strictly platonic. But I maintain I still have male friends that things have been 100% platonic from the start, and our friendships became based on shared friends and interests. I'm a little concerned that people here seem to think that every new person of the opposite gender you meet is just a potential f--k. Is everybody really that one-dimensional? Or has the fact that I've always had lots of friends of both genders altered me in some way?
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 i have a lot of good-looking, sweet guy friends who have been my friends for years. i mean yeeeeears. there's no rule that says guys and girls can't be friends, but i think there are just so many people who have been screwed over in relationships that they are hesitant to believe that frienship-only relationships could occur, because nothing seems innocent anymore. not to mention, a gay man and a gay woman would have no problems being friends.
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