Brooks06 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 So, as a lot of you know my girlfriend of 3 years left me over a week ago...I have experienced every emotion possible and this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. She has been out of town all week and gets back tonight. I have not contacted her in six days, but its going to be so hard not to try and call her tonight when I know she is in town. When she walked out my door she told me to "call her when I figure out who I am." She also said she needed some space and time and all of that, but it was the figuring out who I am part that is bothering me. Since we broke up I have had plenty of time to do some self discovery. The break up seemed like a shock at first, but now that I have spent so much time thinking about it, I was a ****ty boyfriend. Although we were deeply in love, I never supported her or encouraged her (at least not enough). I dont know if I felt insecure or what, but it was hard for me to express how proud I was of her, and I was truly proud. When she left me standing there in my yard and sped away I thought I would never "figure out" who I was and put all of the blame of this break up on her. Everyone I have talked to has told me "she left you, if she still loves you she will come back...just dont contact her." I know she will be hurt when she gets back in town tonight, turns on her phone, and has no messages, no voicemails, nothing. I am proud of myself for trying to be strong and not contact her, but I mean she told me to call when I figure out who I am. When she told me that I thought it was a bull**** statement, that is until I really thought about it. I do know who I am...I am that guy for her. I am that guy who is supposed to support and encourage her. That guy who is supposed to stand by her side no matter what. I am that guy who is supposed to keep her safe and to protect her, to love her and to hold her in my arms forever. It was right in front of me for three years, and for the last year I have neglected it. I have put all the blame for everything on her and I hate myself for that. Sure she walked away, but it was me who forced it, it was me who put so much pressure on her. I guess my real question is what the hell do I do now? Should I call her, pour my heart out to her, tell her I know who I am and that I am so sorry for neglecting her? Or should I keep with the no contact and give her time and space. Even though she ended it, it was largely my fault. Sure, I wish she would have talked through it with me and been more mature about the break up, but if we talked through this issue, it would have never been solved. This break up, or break, or whatever it is is what our relationship needed. It has opened my eyes so much and I cant let her go. I have to get her back or at least let her know that I know who I am and that I am so sorry for hurting her. I am afraid that if I keep with the no contact she will have her space, but will think I dont care and will move on. I did call her the day after she left me, but it was out of desperation. I didnt tell her who I was, I didnt take any responsibility. After a week I really see what went wrong and I just cant let this end for good. I have too many regrets from the past and too many hopes for the future. What do I do? She has told numerous people she still loves me so much and that no one will ever replace me but that she needs space right now. Maybe she is just waiting for me to figure this out and come running back. And if and when I do let her know I ****ed this up, do I call her, write her a letter, just show up one day at her house? sorry for another long and annoying post, but this girl is the love of my life and I wont walk away so easily.
Reactor Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 If I were you, well I wouldn't contact her but only you know your ex and only you know whats best. Contacting her will either do one of two things, push her away or bring her back to you, if you do decide to contact her I don't recommend you pour your feelings for her out, this may drive her away as she'll think you're saying it just to get her back. As hard as it is, cover them up as best you can and ask her out, casually. If she wants to talk about your relationship, she will. Let her do it, not you. I know its sucky but if you seem to eager or pushy she won't believe you've changed or she'll feel like you're trying to make her make a decision - both of which are bad and most people hate. After all if someone keeps bothering you about something, what would you do? If she does decide to talk things over I recommend you try not to go round in circles and admit that you realise you did wrong (if you did) and say that you feel knowing what was wrong that you can take steps to rectify those issues. Then its down to her. I will say that a relationship is not a one way street. Just because you think you were a '****ty' boyfriend doesn't mean to her you were. And you also you have to think hard if this girl is really the one for you. I know how you feel and the pain you must be going through. Loving someone and thinking that they know that love is there only to be told you don't do A or B enough, or they don't feel you like them as much as they like you is horrible. But maybe this girl is too high maintenance for you, some people expect a hell of alot from their partners, sometimes ordinary people just can't give that sort of love or support. As I said, if you really want to see her I recommend you organise a casual date and take it from there. Good Luck, Reactor
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