soulseeker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 So I'm going through a social lull at the moment and I'm taking it pretty hard. Seems like all of my female friends are preoccupied with a relationship or what have you. I keep getting asked out by guys that I am not interested and I do not want to go out with "just for something to do." Looks like I'll spend Friday night alone and I'm not looking forward to it. I do enjoy my own company, but I live alone so I get enough alone time. I feel like Im coming down from an excessively socially busy summer and its difficult to adjust to. There's a film festival Im supposed to go to tonight, but my friend jsut cancelled. I'd normally go alone, but Im just not into it tonight. I feel like I might spiral down into a worse place, but I dont want to! Profesionally, educationally, my life is top notch, and I am busy with these things. Just want that gd special guy and some friends with free time. Is this how life is if you are in your late 20's and beyond? Less friend time? Just venting How do you stay positive if you are the only current single person in your social circle? Sorry if this is not in the correct forum
latefragment Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I totally hear what you're saying. like you, I've got a lot going on in my life, just no guy. And it's really, really lonely sometimes. I don't like advice like, 'work on getting happy with yourself first' or 'get some new hobbies' because (1) I'm very happy with myself, very confident, and fun and cheerful to be around. it's just that, late at night, when I'm climbing into bed alone, or on some weekends, that's when the loneliness hits. (2) I have a ton of hobbies, and pursuits, outside of work. I'm constantly tryign to improve myself. And i have friends, too, to spend time with. (but I totally get you on people with no free time. I have friends but a lot of them don't have time. So that's tough I agree. Also I know what you mean about living alone). I personally don't believe in the "once you're happy then you'll meet someone" because I think that some (most) humans were wired to have romantic companions and if you don't have one, no amount of hobbies and friends is going to fill that role. But you can still be happy!!! Like I am, I'm happy. Just missing that special someone, and the loneliness can get pretty bad sometimes, but that's the way it goes. Anyway, hope this post kinda helped. I know what you mean.
Author soulseeker Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 Yes, it did help. Thanks I really do like my life, just sucks when I let the lonliness get to me. I dunno, I had such an amazing summer that this slow down is in high contrast to that. And yea, I'll see friends this weekend, but damn, it would be nice to be in a relationship and have that great person to spend time with on a Friday (or Monday, etc) night just watching a movie or lying in the grass looking at the stars, or cooking dinner together, or going for a hike on the weekend. -Sigh- It's always that one aspect that's missing that I focus on. And I am happy....most of the time. But I KNOW that when I am not, I am not good at hiding it. I suppose I need to get better at that.
Yellowboy Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I know exactly what you mean. I was pretty occupied with many things like work, parties, dating and what have you. But this month, it just came to a complete stop. Everyone seems to be busy doing their own thing so it seems I have more alone time again. I decided to take up new hobbies to occupy some of that though so it's getting a little bit better, but I still haven't made new friends so it is still somewhat of a downer. I've also avoided hanging out with the same social circles because they've caused enough troubles recently (particularly with dating!), so I'm really trying to find new people right now. I completely hear ya...we don't mind doing things alone but we wished there was that special somebody...
lino Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I feel the same as you guys. I've pretty much always been happy with things in my life, just not the romance side of things. I personally don't believe in the "once you're happy then you'll meet someone" Neither do I. Infact I've often found that the people who say this are also conveniently always married, engaged or in a relationship
sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I was in the came boat, I just moved and I don't know anymore around here and was home not going anywhere cause I didn't want to go alone. I didn't know where to meet people here. Last week I thought about Craig's List and posted some Platonic ads one for girl friends and one for guy friends. I have gotten lots of responses from both and I think I am going to be very busy! Just a thought! Worked for me!
fray718 Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 i hate to say it but yea craigslists is an awesome and cheap way to meet new ppl, just becareful cuz there are lots of weirdos on that site too.
birdie Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I hear what you are saying soulseeker. If you had a really busy summer the odds are that you may have neglected some of your friends because it's impossible to socialise with everyone constantly. Maybe this lull is an opportunity to catch up with them
jcster Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I've found that my social life ebbs and flows. Sometimes it's just not happening, and just when I start to despair, it starts up again to the extent that I'm happy for a rest. My advice is to be patient. It's not going to be this way forever. Eventually, your friends will come around, or you will make new ones.
lino Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I thought we were talking about partners, not social life in general. My social life is fine, it's my love life that stinks I've never heard of craigs list, I assume it's a north American thing? I'm not into online dating/meeting people.
latefragment Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Lino - i know you were concerned that you weren't meeting any "nice girls" because you have the tattooed/muscles "bad guy" look going. Just wanted to let you know I am a "nice" person who really likes the tattoo, etc. look (i have some small ones myself) and I've never treated a guy horribly or just used him. In fact I'm usually the one crying endlessly for weeks or months after someone's just done the same to me. So - just so you know - there ARE some nice girls out there who want a nice, tattoo-type guy who won't be mean to them. That would be my dream come true. Oh and I once traveled from Sydney to Brisbane and Australia is a great country. I'm sorry you're having trouble meeting someone. Soulseeker, I'm sorry if this counts as hijacking the thread, just wanted to say that, and provide some encouragement... Are you feeling any better today? I've been a little lonely and bitter... but these last couple weeks - I'm taking 3 classes and working in addition to sports, music, other pursuits ... Aack!!!! so I just realized this morning ... that I don't have time [for someone]. (that's just what I tell myself to make myself feel better.. we all know i'd *definitely* make time for someone...) Oh and Lino it's SO TRUE what you said about how people who give those platitudes concerning the "key" to finding someone are always, very conveniently actually irritatingly conveniently in a relationship of some kind. I don't think they remember how they felt at the time. I am sure they felt lonely. It's gotten to the point where I judge someone (well not really, but it's a good test) as to how empathetic they are by what they say. My friends who understand and say, "yeah.... I do remember what it was like before I met my bf/husband/whatever... I was very very lonely. I know how you feel". Those are the ones who "get it". The ones who say, "you just need to lighten up and be happy being alone." They dont' get it. At all. Side note: The happiness advice would definitely be highly applicable for someone suffering from very low self esteem , etc., I mean occasionally i have self esteem issues but I don't need a guy to make me feel good about myself. I think there's a difference there. I would really like a guy to add to my life and to share things with ... and its been... forever. really . you know how that goes. Nothing like the feeling of being cuddled...
Author soulseeker Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 Thanks. I am feeling better. A friend called me after work last night and invited me to the film fest with free passes. I had an awesome time. Was up until 3 dancing. Sooo many good looking men too. It's not as if I dont really appreciate what I do have going on in my life, but yes, it feels damn nice having that someone special in your life. That's all.
sweetbutcheeky Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 i hate to say it but yea craigslists is an awesome and cheap way to meet new ppl, just be careful cuz there are lots of weirdos on that site too. It was a last resort because I didn't know what else to try. And I put it off because it seemed strange putting up an online add to meet new people. But it has been great. Ya for now just chatting online getting to know people, seeing who I click with and weeding out the weirdos, though there haven't been too many. Well today I did get one from a girl who sent me a site with her pic and she was in her underwear!
thisisarandomperson Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Im only 19, but i experience a similar thing. Im a hard worker and am in my 2nd year at uni, so i spend a lot of time studying and doing work, which can make things a bit lonely. I live with a bunch of other students but they aren't really my type of people. All the people i know are people who just want to get drunk and/or get laid, etc. Im not that kind of person so i just feel like i don't fit in at uni! I can cope with not fitting in because im happy to be different, but it does bother me that i don't have a special someone. Whereas everyone else i know does! I could just do what most people do, go out, get drunk, and get laid but as i said im not that kind of person, but it seems almost all the girls out there are just like that! So im in my own little lonely world! I do always hear of people either being academically/professionally successful, but social life lacking, or its the other way round!
lino Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Lino - i know you were concerned that you weren't meeting any "nice girls" because you have the tattooed/muscles "bad guy" look going. Just wanted to let you know I am a "nice" person who really likes the tattoo, etc. look (i have some small ones myself) and I've never treated a guy horribly or just used him. In fact I'm usually the one crying endlessly for weeks or months after someone's just done the same to me. So - just so you know - there ARE some nice girls out there who want a nice, tattoo-type guy who won't be mean to them. That would be my dream come true. Oh and I once traveled from Sydney to Brisbane and Australia is a great country. I'm sorry you're having trouble meeting someone. You must have read one of my first posts on LS then I've never been treated horribly or used, as far as I know anyway. For me it's more a case of being judged unfairly & wrongly on appearance alone. Nice to know there are some out there, now just need to find them Oh and Lino it's SO TRUE what you said about how people who give those platitudes concerning the "key" to finding someone are always, very conveniently actually irritatingly conveniently in a relationship of some kind. I don't think they remember how they felt at the time. I am sure they felt lonely. It's gotten to the point where I judge someone (well not really, but it's a good test) as to how empathetic they are by what they say. My friends who understand and say, "yeah.... I do remember what it was like before I met my bf/husband/whatever... I was very very lonely. I know how you feel". Those are the ones who "get it". The ones who say, "you just need to lighten up and be happy being alone." They dont' get it. At all. Side note: The happiness advice would definitely be highly applicable for someone suffering from very low self esteem , etc., I mean occasionally i have self esteem issues but I don't need a guy to make me feel good about myself. I think there's a difference there. I would really like a guy to add to my life and to share things with ... and its been... forever. really . you know how that goes. Nothing like the feeling of being cuddled... This I totally agree with.
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