starlite Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 So i have to make this as clear but as quick as possible.... My bf of 2.5 years adn I broke up. The night we were breaking up he went out and ended up at a bar. After the bar he hung out in a parking lot until 3:30am with his best friends ex gf. He lied to me at first and said they were only alone for 45 minutes. And he didnt pick his phone up when i called, claimed he didnt hear it or something. So, we are now back together...but I am having doubts about this situation as i feel like 3 hours is a long time to catch up. I was just talking to his best friend and he is really mad too and feels it is shady...by the way we are all 25 to 30 years old. His best friend told me that my bf used to hook up with his ex's in the past without asking first and then would tell him after that fact. They werent all ex's, but people he had either dated or had interest it. Mind you this ex is an ex of 3 years, they lived together. And this Ex also kept my bf and his best friend apart from being friends for like 8 months by being a bitch but apparently my bf completely forgives her and doesnt care. What do you all think??? Shady, cheated? Should i be back with him? I really love him but.....
Cobra_X30 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 But? Why would you want to be with someone you cant trust?
Author starlite Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 you raise a valid point.... Because I love him and I want to trust him. I want him to earn his trust back, the trust he lost from the lies he had told me in the past. What I am feeling now may be insecurities?
Saxis Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 This isn't exactly clear from your post: Did that night with the Ex cause the break up, or did you break up and THEN he went to the bar and saw the Ex? If you were already broken up, there's no cheating going on there... Definitely a crappy thing to do, but not cheating. That is if he actually cheated or not, or whether you believe him or not. Either way, if you don't trust what he says is true and/or forgive him, there's no point in continuing this relationship.
Author starlite Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 We were fighting when he went out. He came home at 3:30 and the fight continued and we finalized the break up the next day.
Saxis Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 So you have a fight, he runs out and possibly cheats with the first girl that comes along (even someone that he shouldn't give the time of day to), lies about it, breaks it off with you and he has a history of messing around with his friend's Xs? That's a pretty big "but...." If you think you can still trust him after this, then maybe there's a chance. He doesn't sound very committed to the relationship though.
Krytie TV Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 What do you all think??? Shady, cheated? Should i be back with him? I really love him but..... I'm having a hard time spotting the lies you mention in the title. All the info you have comes from one apparently jealous friend that sounds like was wronged once (or more). I wonder why if you love your b/f and want to trust him so much you would trust what a jaded friend of his has to say over him. That sounds a bit unfair to me. That said, he was freshly broken up. Even if he did do something with her what's wrong with that? Anyone knows that when you break up it can sometimes be a very freeing feeling and many people could feel the need to do things they wouldn't otherwise do while committed. You seem to worry a lot about something you really have no right to even care about, as he was single. Should you get back together? Well, I think that night and the stories you hear should have no bearing on that decision. Choose to ignore the drama and let it go. He wasn't your b/f. You can't control people all the time.
Saxis Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 I'm having a hard time spotting the lies you mention in the title. All the info you have comes from one apparently jealous friend that sounds like was wronged once (or more). I wonder why if you love your b/f and want to trust him so much you would trust what a jaded friend of his has to say over him. That sounds a bit unfair to me. That said, he was freshly broken up. Even if he did do something with her what's wrong with that? Anyone knows that when you break up it can sometimes be a very freeing feeling and many people could feel the need to do things they wouldn't otherwise do while committed. You seem to worry a lot about something you really have no right to even care about, as he was single. Should you get back together? Well, I think that night and the stories you hear should have no bearing on that decision. Choose to ignore the drama and let it go. He wasn't your b/f. You can't control people all the time. This is why I specifically asked if they were broken up yet. They were not broke up when he went out to the bar and met his friend's Ex and did "who knows what" with. They broke up when he returned very late that night.
Timberlane Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 When breaking up, sleeping with other people can start the very minute you say the words. And your now ex is under no obligation what so ever to discuss who or what he or she slept with after the break up. That's what breaking up is all about. Now you want it to be some quasi-break up with full disclosure of sexual partners and timelines, fine, but that is not the norm. The best thing to do is either move on or kick this guy to the curb. But you weren't owed an explanation in the first place. Had you done a similar thing, it too would have been none of his business. On the other hand, he cowardly lied, but that's another issue.
kymberann Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Besides any obvious lies, if he did this once to you after an arguement, he wil do it again.
daphne Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 I'm going to take a stab at the gender of the posters who indicate that as soon as you break up, sex with anyone from go is ok. Male? If this happens to a guy, I promise you it isn't ok. Because deep down, you know that if you get back togehter, the other person was making excuses to break up to run nilly willy with someone else. Or the depth of the person's feeling was pretty shallow in the relationship. That being said, they were still together. I like to believe in people, but I doubt I'd believe your boyfriend. He sounds shady.
confused10 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 just a thought...if he didnt do anything wrong, why would he feel the need to lie to you about how long he was with her? this does seem like a pretty unclear situation and from what I've read, it seems like you should give him the benefit of the doubt...but watch him a little more closely than usual for signs of cheating with this or any other girl
Lyssa Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 My bf of 2.5 years adn I broke up. The night we were breaking up he went out and ended up at a bar. After the bar he hung out in a parking lot until 3:30am with his best friends ex gf. He lied to me at first and said they were only alone for 45 minutes. And he didnt pick his phone up when i called, claimed he didnt hear it or something. He didn't hear the phone rang? Did he put it on silent? Does it come with a vibrate mode? I'm sorry but that's pretty lame that he didn't hear it... it's a parking lot - at the hour, I'm sure it's quite quiet down there? His best friend told me that my bf used to hook up with his ex's in the past without asking first and then would tell him after that fact. They werent all ex's, but people he had either dated or had interest it. Do you know why your BF hooked up with the EX without asking? I think that's a red flag.... Mind you this ex is an ex of 3 years, they lived together. And this Ex also kept my bf and his best friend apart from being friends for like 8 months by being a bitch but apparently my bf completely forgives her and doesnt care. Wow - what kinda GF is she to do something like that? Wait... what kinda best friend is your BF for letting a woman come in between him and his best friend?? What do you all think??? Shady, cheated? Should i be back with him? I really love him but..... Shady, yes. I'm sorry but she's whacked! Your BF isn't doing any of you a favour by being a 'good friend' to her. What does your BF's best friend have to say about all this?
Author starlite Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 Thank you all for your replies. To clarify...We were NOT broken up when he left. He had called me to apologize when he left for the night....we did not break up until pretty much the next morning. The problem with the benefit of the doubt is..he has lied to me in the past. He does it when he thinks he is going to get into trouble...such as being out until 7am (before we lived together), writing his ex, going to a bar with a female friend, going to lunch with his ex's sister...all things he either lied about, hid from me or omitted from stories. And there were a couple more things too. Lyssa- His friend is mad...and my now EX bf doesnt fully get it. He did the classic thing he had been doing with me...my bf would do something he knew was wrong, or maybe wasnt sure of...and then get mad at me when I would get upset. We broke up last night. Not just do to this situation (which has been eating at me), but I am having a hard time trusting what he tells me, among other things. He doesnt seem to grasp the idea of how important honesty is in a relationship. I deserve 100% no matter what the circumstances because that is what i give. I'm very sad...even more so because he now doesnt have me or his best friend, but I told him how to get there friendship back and i hope it works because the last thing i want is for him to be alone. He doesnt have many friends anymore, and the only one that is a decent one, well, he may have screwed up. I really hate how bad i am feeling for him right now! Especially with the sadness i feel due to the break up.
Lyssa Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Lyssa- His friend is mad...and my now EX bf doesnt fully get it. He did the classic thing he had been doing with me...my bf would do something he knew was wrong, or maybe wasnt sure of...and then get mad at me when I would get upset. That classic thing he pulled on you... that was the exact thing my ex bf did to me. Heck, it's what everyone does when they know they did something wrong. Okay - not everyone but most people would. Even I did that and I did something wrong alright! Was I proud for pulling that crap on my loved one? No way!! I hated myself and stopped doing that because it will only make things worse between 2 people who love each other. We broke up last night. Not just do to this situation (which has been eating at me), but I am having a hard time trusting what he tells me, among other things. He doesnt seem to grasp the idea of how important honesty is in a relationship. I deserve 100% no matter what the circumstances because that is what i give. I'm sorry for being blunt here but it's a good thing that you guys broke up. How long are you going to put up with his crap? You know you deserve more because you give nothing less so make sure you take your time in getting involve with someone in the future. You deserve the best! I'm very sad...even more so because he now doesnt have me or his best friend, but I told him how to get there friendship back and i hope it works because the last thing i want is for him to be alone. He doesnt have many friends anymore, and the only one that is a decent one, well, he may have screwed up. I really hate how bad i am feeling for him right now! Especially with the sadness i feel due to the break up. I'm sure you're sad and it will take time to get over something like this. I felt the same way about my ex. I felt pity for him because he has no friends. All his close friends are older and married so he doesn't have a lot of friends to hang out with etc. but you know what? I don't care anymore. It's his life. Your EX chose to let things happened without seeing the repercussions... so he's gonna live with not having his best friend and you around. You'll get over this... not now... but you will....
daphne Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 star, Hang in there. Like shop girl said, you can take the pain now or later. Later, you'll have lost a lot of time where you could meet someone better for and to you, and it'll probably get worse if you stayed. Better now because you'll gain some self respect from not taking this kind of crap.
omit Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 in my limited experiance, id say clap your hands and walk away. If hes lieing to you thats seems to be a sign of lack of respect he has to learn that he cant treat people like that especialy not people who care.
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