heartbroken_27 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I don't know even how to start. I always wanted to wait for marriage until I ever had sex, so as you can imagine, boys didn't take it well. Then I meet my husband and he agreed. But he also could be distant and resentful when he tried to change my mind. Then we can married, so I thought he was going to be more affectionate because that issue was no longer an issue and things were fine until we had our son. Then he agin was in his own bubble, hardly interacting with the baby.He said he loved him but spend less than 5 minutes holding him. I thought, despite being angry, maybe he's tired from working and the baby is small, once he grows my husband will spend more tme with him. Two years have past and nothing.My son six months used to follow him and my husband just shrugged him off and said to me he was tired.I have been playing mom and dada with my son and trying to finish my university, until last month when I had a panic attack. My husband can be affectionate at time, but most of the time he likes to be alone, playing video games or watching movies. I know he works 65 hours a week and needs some downtime, but is this normal? I feel like a single mom and I am lonely, so I spend days at my parents, so I can have some adult company and like that I don't feel so alone.My husband works the night shift at Fedex, so I get to sleep alone if I stay home.I am so tired of feeling so isolated. I don't have a number to reach him at work, and that frustrates me because our son has asthma and we live far from a the children hospital and I don't drive. Four times, I had to call my parents or in-laws to take us to the hospital when he gets an attack. Our sex life is none existant,becuase of the hours and I feel rejected.I'm fit and young, I just don't get it.When guys hit on me, I feel like "at least someone noticed me".I feel anxious all the time because it feels like my world is falling down.Shoud I start my life over even if I still love him?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Yes it can be saved! But its going to take alot of work. Are you willing to take the risk and do the work? You need to start out by communicating with him. Let him know how you feel... find out how he feels. It may come down to using the nuclear option...
GoodOnPaper Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Yes it can be saved! But its going to take alot of work. Are you willing to take the risk and do the work? You need to start out by communicating with him. Let him know how you feel... find out how he feels. It may come down to using the nuclear option... heartbroken, Cobra's right. And you have probably just found the tip of the iceberg. There are several red flags in your post regarding your husband. Among them . . . -- emotional disconnection from the family -- turning affection off-and-on like a switch -- overall pattern of avoidance and evading(?) I could certainly be off here, but what really surprises me is that he was OK with waiting until you were married before having sex. This usually implies a strong family-oriented personal philosophy, and now he avoids the resulting family. It makes me think he simply waited because that's what you wanted -- and there could be a host of other things in your lives that he is going along with but that he doesn't necessarily really want. I can relate to your husband's behavior. A couple of years ago, I realized I fit the profile for what some psychologists call "Nice Guy Syndrome". Your husband may fit this profile too. Look up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover or go to his website, http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com. (I'm not Glover or an employee of his, by the way, but I will say that thanks to the book and website, I'm much less of an emotional wreck than I was 2 years ago.) Cobra's right, you most likely have a lot of work to do. Also, realize that this isn't a matter of "fixing" him. He probably has very deep-rooted emotional issues spanning his entire life that he must want to work through for himself. Another catch is that men with emotional issues like this tend to attract mates with equally-deep emotional issues, so be prepared for serious self-examination yourself. Best of luck.
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