amythan Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I will try to keep it short but I need some advise …Situation is very complicated. He works with me but based in other country. We started to chat every day two years ago, but just small talk. We met several times for dinner as friends and during the following months we started to intimate and get closer. We flirted for a while but without going further. I had a bf with whom things were pretty bad and I started to be more involved with the work guy. Six months ago we meet with a professional excuse and we started a relationship. I am completely in love with him but I always accepted the implicit rules and never asked for more than he offered me. We were really involved, we chatted for hours, we sent hundred of emails and I could not take him out of my mind. He seemed happy but always reluctant to see me. He said that more contact and more times we meet more involved we will be and there was not future in this relationship. He had feelings for me but I am ten years older, we come from different cultures, we see future with different perspective, we live in different countries … Anyway we continued talking and being more and more involved until he stopped to communicate with me. I was going crazy, I did not have any clue why he didn't reply my emails without giving me an explanation .. I went on holiday two weeks and I sent him an email right after and he replayed as if nothing happened. Just I was thinking of you but I didn't find the right time to send you an email … We started again and he seemed really happy to see me again. I visited him and we spent an amazing time together and he was lovely and I didn't ask anything, I just wanted to be with him without put any additional pressure and thinking that now everything would be easy. He asked me to come back soon and when I back at home I managed to go visiting him again. I send him a message with the news … and he never replied. Two weeks without any news. At the beginning I thought he was busy but I couldn't stop crying during days.Finally I asked him straight why are you doing this to me ? He said that he has sincere feelings for me but he can not see any future here. We meet once to say goodbye and we finished both of us crying. I got the usual 'it is not you, it is me', I am lost with my life, I love you but you see as me this is impossible .. and no, I do not see that !! I do not reproach anything and I just can think of him as someone amazing. I am really in love with him. We decide to stay friends and we continue to contact each other every day several times with flirty emails and jokes, as we used to do in the past. But this was more than I can handle with. I am not ready to have this kind of friendship as if nothing happen.So I sent him an email explaining my feelings and that in case he is not over me I would like to try. I understand that it is not pleasant to receive messages begging so I just wanted to tell him that I care and I do not want to rush him but I am in love with him. I will not try again because I do not want to do things that make me feel bad and I do not want him to had bad memories of me. But reality is I want him with me, I got hurt very badly and I can not stop crying … What all this mean ? How can I convince him to try ? Has he any feelings for me ? He has not replied yet and it is ok. I will not contact him anymore if he does not reply, and I do not think he does …. And even if he does I am not ready to start the contact again as friends. I need time before being able to talk to him without this pain .. Am I doing the correct thing ? I am really in love with him and I do not want to lose him, even if perhaps I already did.
Author amythan Posted October 5, 2007 Author Posted October 5, 2007 I am really sad. Not sure what i should do. I am trying to do not contact him anymore but realize that perhaps he does not care at all makes me completely desperate. I kwow that insist and begging will change nothing just it will make me feel stupid. If he really loves me why he prefers to give up ? Does it mean that i was never important to him ? I am very confused ...
Author amythan Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 After sending the last emal he tried to contacted me without reach me and he sent an email saying i am not ignoring you, i will write back soon. It was yesterday. I guess he will do but i think that if he wanted to be with me he had already replied .. well, not sure I told him that i was not rushed and he could take his time .. i do not want to put pressure on him but i do not lose him either. if he does not love me it would be fine and i will move on but if he does i can not accept that this is no sense .. i really love him. What should i do ?? Is it really over ?
Author amythan Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 he does not replied to my email but .. he sets private options and blocked me on all our common networks as if i was an stalker !! I am not contacting him at all so he can not feel any pressure .. why is he doing that ?? It seems that is he who is doing the NC thing but one week ago he was asking me if i sleept with someone ?! I start to think he is really over me but i do not understand his behaviour .. I need some advice, please !
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