uniqueone Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Remember the guy from the trail parking lot I mentioned awhile back? Well after running into him regularly, sure enough. after that thread, I didn't see him for awhile. I think I've seen him in the parking lot only 2-3 times since....today being one of them. There we were....both there in the parking lot at our cars, putting our gear on. I see him out of the corner of my eye repeatedly looking my way again. I refuse to look his way. I'm not going to play the staring game. The way I look at it, if he's interested, then he should do something or just forget it. I acted like he wasn't there. I DID notice a cyclist once or twice saying hi to me while I was out on the trail today and I have no idea who it was. They pass by so fast so I don't even have time to think about it. I guess it could have been him. Still though....that's not enough......passing me at 30 mph saying "hi" is not going to do it. Then there was the one that DID talk to me awhile back but I wasn't interested in. He's been running into me and since he'd asked my name awhile back, he keeps saying "HI UNIQUEONE". I hate when that happens when it's someone you're not interested in. I should start giving a fake name. One reason I hate it is that it tells others what my name is and I don't want others to start being too friendly (if it's uninvited). Case-in-point....there's an apartment complex near the trail. There's a guy who lives there always sitting outside with his dogs. He's fat and doesnt seem all that educated. During the summer when it would look like rain, he'd tell me how I needed to hurry because the weather report said that the rain was on its way, etc.... so I'd make small talk back about the weather as I passed by. BIG MISTAKE. Ever since, he's tried to say something when I pass by....or whistle. First it was the cat-call whistles. I ignored them. Then he tried yelling to me. I put my cell phone to my ear and acted like I was talking. He's also tried whistling like he was calling a dog (ALWAYS a surefire way to get a woman's attention........) I ignored him. He's also said things like: "Hey....don't you ever talk to anyone?" This has gone on for WEEKS and I've ignored him EVERY TIME. So I've been thinking how I won't have the trail to go to very much longer this year and it's making me sad. I start thinking that maybe I should try to talk to some people more before I'm stuck inside for the dreaded cold months (which I hate). I'm not looking forward to the isolation of winter. It's already getting so that I barely have enough time after work to go to the trail before it gets dark. In fact, yesterday I was out there when it got dark. Stupid move on my part especially since two guys were out there hanging way too close to me. Darkness sucks too. Did I mention everything sucks lately? Is there anyway to keep from getting the winter doldrums? Should I try to make more out of the time I have left on the trail?
Timberlane Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 You sound like you are heavily into game playing. And what is the deal with you not wanting to say hello to guys you aren't interested in? Ever hear of common courtesy? It actually allows you to say hello to repulsive people. Shouldn't you just enjoy the staring game? What's so bad about it? For that matter, why can't you go talk to the guy yourself? Make it quick and then leave seeing if he will continue the conversation or follow you. Yeah, more manipulation. Ahhhhh. What perfectly stoopid creatures we are. As for the fat, stupid guy with the dogs. Yeecccch. Dirty looks are in order now. Really. That sort of crap is useless.
underpants Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Unique, I remember plotting silly ideas for that guy. If you are interested in the guy on that trail you can (and should) step up and initiate a "hello". He might be shy or maybe you give off a vibe of "leave me alone". You might suprise yourself if you just loosened up and initiated a convo. "Hi there, I have noticed you come to these trails often. Looks like we won't have many more days before it gets too cold or dark to enjoy it. My name is Unique." Good luck.
Timberlane Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 If you are consciously ignoring his conversations, then I would bet you are giving off that vibe underpants spoke of. I know a girl like that I run into occasionally and try to make plans with it seems like on and off over the last few months. We met after work exactly once. She sometimes acts aloof when I see her, is more warm over the phone, and is really inviting if I happen to run into her randomly. It's confusing as hell, but I keep playing along. Whatever.
Author uniqueone Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 You sound like you are heavily into game playing. Care to explain that? And what is the deal with you not wanting to say hello to guys you aren't interested in? Ever hear of common courtesy? It actually allows you to say hello to repulsive people. 1. As I mentioned...some of them sped by too quickly. 2. Some will not leave you alone once you say hi. They follow you to your car. They wait for you to show up the next day. I've had this happen. All because you said "hi" to them. Shouldn't you just enjoy the staring game? What's so bad about it? What's to enjoy? You enjoy it? I don't have time for it. I'm spend almost an hour in traffic. I get to the parking lot, get my things on and go to have time to workout before it gets dark. No time for staring games. For that matter, why can't you go talk to the guy yourself? Make it quick and then leave seeing if he will continue the conversation or follow you. I don't pursue. Yeah, more manipulation. Ahhhhh. What perfectly stoopid creatures we are. I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. As for the fat, stupid guy with the dogs. Yeecccch. Dirty looks are in order now. Really. That sort of crap is useless. I have no clue what this last part of your post means. I'm not going to give the fat guy dirty looks.
Author uniqueone Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 Unique, I remember plotting silly ideas for that guy. If you are interested in the guy on that trail you can (and should) step up and initiate a "hello". He might be shy or maybe you give off a vibe of "leave me alone". You might suprise yourself if you just loosened up and initiated a convo. "Hi there, I have noticed you come to these trails often. Looks like we won't have many more days before it gets too cold or dark to enjoy it. My name is Unique." Good luck. I'll try to make it a point to pay attention to who's saying hi to me as they pass. It's been hard to do though since the gnat situation on the trail has been horrendous and you all but have to cover your nose and mouth to prevent from ingesting them.
Author uniqueone Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 If you are consciously ignoring his conversations, then I would bet you are giving off that vibe underpants spoke of. I know a girl like that I run into occasionally and try to make plans with it seems like on and off over the last few months. We met after work exactly once. She sometimes acts aloof when I see her, is more warm over the phone, and is really inviting if I happen to run into her randomly. It's confusing as hell, but I keep playing along. Whatever. Uh....whose making conversations???? I never mentioned the guy was making conversations. Sounds to me like the girl you are referring to is just being friendly to you.
Timberlane Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Uh....whose making conversations???? I never mentioned the guy was making conversations. Sounds to me like the girl you are referring to is just being friendly to you. I agree. What we keep trying to do is get together to do a shared sport, so it keeps going and going. And what is this about you "not having time" for this and that? How long does it take to catch a quick glance (stare)? Two seconds? Yes, you too are stoopid. The sooner you accept that the better off you'll be. What it looks like to me is you are too preoccupied with saving face in case something goes awry. And you don't pursue, hmm? Well, you give up control when you refuse to do that sometimes. Flexibility is better. Lots of rules, rules, rules with you I think. Loosen some up and it might be more fun.
johan Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I've been kind of tempted to create an ID called "trail guy" and lament the fact that some hot girl I keep seeing when I'm out riding my bike won't talk to me. But I thought you might take it as if I was making fun of you, instead of just kidding around.
Timberlane Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Most cyclists I see are all business with their gear, bikes, and what have you. Sunglasses are firmly in place. No detectable smile. Hardly an inviting social scene at the trailhead. Hikers are a little more relaxed, approachable, etc. But then you are looking for a bike guy I gather? Charitable ride perhaps? Lots of those to attend.
Trimmer Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I refuse to look his way. I'm not going to play the staring game. The way I look at it, if he's interested, then he should do something or just forget it. I acted like he wasn't there. I'm not sure where you stand on this guy - would you like to strike up a friendship/relationship with him or not? If you don't want to, or you don't care either way, then your actions are fine, but if you do, then you are expecting him to do all the work to break through your defenses, while giving absolutely no indication of interest on your part... If you want him to leave you alone, then fine, but if you are interested, there's got to be some give and take here... This is "Parking lot guy", not "Southern Guy", right? I remember in your earlier thread you said: Sure enough, here comes a cyclist who stops to talk to me.... I could tell the guy was interested. I was a little but not too much so I didn't let it get too far. So he did, at one time, show interest, and make the initial effort, but it sounds like you have been giving off the vibe that you are ignoring him, while secretly hoping that he would.... what?..... work harder and show more interest as a result of being ignored? For most guys with any sense of self-respect it doesn't work that way. I think your words here, again from the earlier thread, are still good advice: I'm off in my own little world and it dawned on me that maybe I should pay more attention to these people who might be trying to get my attention.
Timberlane Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Trimmer, you did a much better job of looking at the situation.
Kamille Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Unique, I think you need to harness the power of condidence. I am most likely one of the least confident woman you could ever meet... But I know that if you just so much as approach a guy with a smile and a glint in your eyes, he will be putty in your hands. And it's the easiest thing to pull off. Plus, I don't think saying hello to a guy in a park qualifies as "pursuing someone". I find it helpful to distinguish between approaching someone and then pursuing someone. Once you've approached him, then it is up to him to pursue. He won't do it otherwise... I mean, since he's a reasonable human being, he probably thinks you are ignoring him because perhaps you already have a bf, are not attracted or what have you. So... Just say hi. It's all it takes and it's a minimal investment on your part. As for the other guys, yes guys chase, stare etc. but I wonder why you feel annoyed or even threatened by this. It's not like they can force you to pay attention to them or to go out with them. And if they do ask you out, then you can always say no.
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Hey, Most cyclists I see are all business with their gear, bikes, and what have you. Sunglasses are firmly in place. No detectable smile. Hardly an inviting social scene at the trailhead. I'm with you on that one. It's very frustrating. I roller-skate, and when I do I park the car somewhere where I see plenty of guys unloading their bikes from their cars and putting on gear. Usually I look their way for a few seconds (trying to catch a smile) but they seem to be performing brain surgery. Forget it. (My take is that if they are looking good, as they usually are, they must be looking for a Paris Hilton look-alike) Is not like there's plenty opportunites to meet people here in LA (unless you go to some club) and when there is some, guys have to be doing their bike thing. Next thing is to actually walk to the guy, hey dude, ex-cuse-me, got a gf? Here's my number, I'm looking for a bf. Pest guys. Ariadne
Author uniqueone Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 Seems this came out all wrong. I was simply stating the update on trail guy. I'm not pursuing him and don't care to. I simply notice that he stares every time. It was just something to talk about....not something to solve. I DO say hi to people and have no problem doing so. This pertains to both men and women. If they pass me at 30 mph and say "hi" then I usually don't realize it until they're long past me. My point is that I should try to be more alert to those approaching me, therefore maybe I'll have a chance to say "hi" back. That doesn't mean that I want to date them. It just means that I should get outside of my thoughts and see what's going on around me. I'm often caught up in my thoughts and pay no attention. I'm not out looking for a cyclist. I have no trouble meeting athletic people....in fact, most have been super-athletes. Someone said these male cyclists don't often look at anyone. That is more the case with me than with them. I the one with sunglasses, not much of a smile....hat over my eyes. I have plenty of confidence when I'm out on the trail. Most out on the trail need a partner to chit-chat with. I don't. Others tend to see this as independence. Many without partners tend to be looking like they want to start up a conversation with anyone who will pass by. These are the ones who look needy, not me. I look like I'm there to do what I enjoy doing. So it appears I was misread on this thread. Probably another thread I shouldnt' have posted.
Trimmer Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 So it appears I was misread on this thread. Probably another thread I shouldnt' have posted. Sorry - it's not that you shouldn't have posted, by any means... It's just that it is in the "Dating" section, you were talking about a guy who had shown interest in the past, along with examples of other guys, then ended with "Did I mention that everything sucks lately?"... Hey, if you have no interest in trail guy, then ignoring him is the way to go... Typical male/female miscommunication - you just wanted to be heard, and we jumped in and tried to "fix it."
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