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Posted

I've made a few posts the past few days. My situation just gets better, or worse.

 

Turns out a good friend of my ex, a girl who had to some degree slapped some sense into my ex before said a few things to my ex tonight. I had spoken with her a few times after the breakup and she said she would to some degree help me win my ex back. But, uh, uh oh. She ends up roasting my ass, revealing she had spoken with me to my ex and putting me down in all kinds of ways. My roommate was at a function this evening, which I didn't attend as I knew my ex would be there. They didn't know he overheard them. He only heard like 3mins of a 20min conversation and was pissed. He told me when he got home.

 

No doubt my relationship is over over. But I didn't expect to be betrayed by a mutual friend. A friend who had told me she thought my ex and I were good for eachother.

 

After doing much reading, it appears I pushed my ex away due to being needy, clingy you've all heard or done this. I was always nice, never a prick and she just walks off and doesn't give a crap. Now I know the people she hangs out with and what they put in her ear.

 

I feel, well I'm not sure how I feel right now.

Posted

I'm sorry to hear that you were betrayed by a friend, and sorry that your ex left you seemingly without a care. I don't think you should conclude from this that women are pure evil. I'm certain this extreme generilization is innacurate.

Posted

Yeah really. I hate these posts where people say "All women are this' and 'all men are that'.

Posted
I've made a few posts the past few days. My situation just gets better, or worse.

 

Turns out a good friend of my ex, a girl who had to some degree slapped some sense into my ex before said a few things to my ex tonight. I had spoken with her a few times after the breakup and she said she would to some degree help me win my ex back. But, uh, uh oh. She ends up roasting my ass, revealing she had spoken with me to my ex and putting me down in all kinds of ways. My roommate was at a function this evening, which I didn't attend as I knew my ex would be there. They didn't know he overheard them. He only heard like 3mins of a 20min conversation and was pissed. He told me when he got home.

 

No doubt my relationship is over over. But I didn't expect to be betrayed by a mutual friend. A friend who had told me she thought my ex and I were good for eachother.

 

After doing much reading, it appears I pushed my ex away due to being needy, clingy you've all heard or done this. I was always nice, never a prick and she just walks off and doesn't give a crap. Now I know the people she hangs out with and what they put in her ear.

 

I feel, well I'm not sure how I feel right now.

 

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover

  • Author
Posted
Yeah really. I hate these posts where people say "All women are this' and 'all men are that'.

Over dramatized no doubt. I didn't mean it as a literal blanket statement.

Posted

Both men and women are 55% Evil. To get Pure Evil you need some sort of distillation process.

Posted
a good friend of my ex

Don't you think you were expecting a bit much from someone who has strong loyalties elsewhere? She shouldn't have agreed to help you though but some people are people pleasers and have difficulty saying no.

Posted

Sorry, but you ex hangs out with yankees or ECBs. Women can be real nice when they want to, but then turn around, rip out your heart, and shred it before your corpse ever hits the ground. That mutual friend should be lit up in paintball till she cries.

 

Only my biased opinion. Take care man.

Posted

Sorry, but you ex hangs out with yankees or ECBs. Women can be real nice when they want to, but then turn around, rip out your heart, and shred it before your corpse ever hits the ground.

 

While I will agree this was a shady thing for the "friend" to do, lets not overgeneralize about all women here.

 

If I were to generalize based on the men I've had in my life over the last few years, all of them would be scum sucking pansies that would think with their wang even if someone elses life depended on it. :mad:

 

That however would be totally inappropriate and I, just like you, cannot make blanket generalizations about the opposite sex.

 

Back to the poster, call out this "friend" and be done w her!

  • Author
Posted
While I will agree this was a shady thing for the "friend" to do, lets not overgeneralize about all women here.

 

If I were to generalize based on the men I've had in my life over the last few years, all of them would be scum sucking pansies that would think with their wang even if someone elses life depended on it. :mad:

 

That however would be totally inappropriate and I, just like you, cannot make blanket generalizations about the opposite sex.

 

Back to the poster, call out this "friend" and be done w her!

I did call this "friend" after I had found out and was playing totally cool and not letting on I knew something. She asked me how I was feeling and I said I was pissed. Then she makes some comment that she's got someone on the other line, and will call me back. I parted with the words, it might be in your best interest to call me back... tonight. She never did. The reason I said that was I knew my buddy would be telling everyone he knew about this. I was giving this girl a chance to explain herself before being exposed to everyone.

 

What's done is done.

Posted
I did call this "friend" after I had found out and was playing totally cool and not letting on I knew something. She asked me how I was feeling and I said I was pissed. Then she makes some comment that she's got someone on the other line, and will call me back. I parted with the words, it might be in your best interest to call me back... tonight. She never did. The reason I said that was I knew my buddy would be telling everyone he knew about this. I was giving this girl a chance to explain herself before being exposed to everyone.

 

What's done is done.

 

Indeed. These sorts of people are everywhere. You should be happy that you have a good buddy who looks out for you and is loyal to. These are the sort of people you should have in your life.

 

For instance, I know some of my 'friends' I used to hang out with at Uni now talk about me behind my back with my ex, naturally it hurts, because you would hope these people would be loyal to you. But routinely these people are often quite the opposite, I don't blame them though, its just who they are.

 

Do I still call them friends? Not really, they can post as much crap in my Facebook as they want but deep down I know who they really are!

 

Maybe you should look at this breakup as also a way to 'clean shop' as it were. I mean use it as a way to seperate those who are loyal to you, from those who are loyal to your ex and remove the latter ones from your life.

 

Good Luck,

Reactor

Posted

I'm not evil - I'm the devil.. :laugh:

 

Seriously.... you need to move on... who cares what your ex and her friend say about you...

 

You sound bitter and that keeps you from moving on... you say

 

I pushed my ex away due to being needy, clingy you've all heard or done this.

 

Well that is exactly what I feel from your post.. you are emotionally needy... and it seems to me that you are blaming others for your problem.

 

I was always nice, never a prick and she just walks off and doesn't give a crap.

 

She's not here to tell her side of the story... :rolleyes:

 

Just forget about her, move on... who needs that kind of childish crap in their life. How old are you btw?

Posted

right after the breakup with my ex, a friend of his started phoning me every day or so, asking how i'd feel, saying things will be alright and he would be back with me soon, etc.

a few weeks later, i found out this... (ehm) good friend had asked my ex bf out.

 

yes, 85% women are pure evil :mad:

  • Author
Posted
I'm not evil - I'm the devil.. :laugh:

 

Seriously.... you need to move on... who cares what your ex and her friend say about you...

 

You sound bitter and that keeps you from moving on... you say

 

I pushed my ex away due to being needy, clingy you've all heard or done this.

 

Well that is exactly what I feel from your post.. you are emotionally needy... and it seems to me that you are blaming others for your problem.

 

I was always nice, never a prick and she just walks off and doesn't give a crap.

 

She's not here to tell her side of the story... :rolleyes:

 

Just forget about her, move on... who needs that kind of childish crap in their life. How old are you btw?

 

I don't feel it pushed her away. But after reading everything on these forums, apparently that's what I might have done. Whether you believe me or not, I'm the niave guy, whose nice. You know the kind that girls complain they can never find. But as I've come to realize... nice guys simply don't know any better.

 

You make it sound like being nice is a sin. In fact these forums permeate the notion, that to win or keep a girl, you have to be a relative jerk and never show your true feelings or intention.

 

I won't argue with you that I might be needy. As strange as this sounds, when things are good, I don't need to see or hang out with my girl. I'm content knowing that things are good, and when I see her I see her. But when I know in my gut things are wrong, despite her telling me to my face I had nothing to worry about, then naturally I could not stop thinking about it and wanting to fix it. If that comes across as needy, clingy, or weak, then that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is lumping this in with the genuine nice guys, who may not know how to play the game of being a jerk. But I'm learning real fast here and I think it stinks. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Posted

it's all about proportion...

 

You make it sound like being nice is a sin. In fact these forums permeate the notion, that to win or keep a girl, you have to be a relative jerk and never show your true feelings or intention.

 

No.. being nice is NOT a sin... it's nice... all women like nice guys... there is nice and there is NICE... some people mixes being nice with being naive and needy.

 

for me a 'nice' guy is someone who is definitely NOT a jerk but is independant, emotionally secure and confident and who doesn't act like a teenager when it's over.

Posted
I don't feel it pushed her away. But after reading everything on these forums, apparently that's what I might have done. Whether you believe me or not, I'm the niave guy, whose nice. You know the kind that girls complain they can never find. But as I've come to realize... nice guys simply don't know any better.

 

You make it sound like being nice is a sin. In fact these forums permeate the notion, that to win or keep a girl, you have to be a relative jerk and never show your true feelings or intention.

 

I won't argue with you that I might be needy. As strange as this sounds, when things are good, I don't need to see or hang out with my girl. I'm content knowing that things are good, and when I see her I see her. But when I know in my gut things are wrong, despite her telling me to my face I had nothing to worry about, then naturally I could not stop thinking about it and wanting to fix it. If that comes across as needy, clingy, or weak, then that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is lumping this in with the genuine nice guys, who may not know how to play the game of being a jerk. But I'm learning real fast here and I think it stinks. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.

 

Wow, you sound just like me. When the relationships good I'm not worried or edgy. But when she started threatening to break up with me because things weren't 'right' I let it get to me and it broke me.

 

I don't blame others, I merely think us type of men care more about our partners than ourselves, thus when we see our partner is hurting we try to comfort and help them, but more often than not we come across as the clingy, emotional type. As my ex put it 'I can't give you the love you want.'

 

Do I blame my ex for making me a mess? Partly, after all if she hadn't of rocked the boat I wouldn't of turned like I did. Of course I've realised its my fault too, and that I have to keep these sorts of emotions hidden and controlled best I can next time round. It was good because it allowed me to discover these feelings and now I know how to control them.

 

I think it comes down to you have to always put yourself first, that way, if she wants to 'break-up' with you it at least can't be because you're too 'clingy'.

 

And I wouldn't worry too much about saying you're needy, its only envitable that when someone you love or care for tells you they're not happy and want out that its going to hurt you and probably change you. As well as make you constantly think 'Its over if I do this or that.'

 

Good Luck,

Reactor

Posted
Seriously.... you need to move on... who cares what your ex and her friend say about you...

 

You sound bitter and that keeps you from moving on... you say

 

I pushed my ex away due to being needy, clingy you've all heard or done this.

 

Well that is exactly what I feel from your post.. you are emotionally needy... and it seems to me that you are blaming others for your problem.

 

I was always nice, never a prick and she just walks off and doesn't give a crap.

 

She's not here to tell her side of the story... :rolleyes:

 

I dunno I feel like this is a bit much. Krying is trying to cope, I've seen people in their 30's having the same issues going on. I wouldn't call this childish behavior, and anyway sometimes breakups just do things to ya...we are all human.

 

He'll move on in time, and Krying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice guy who cares. It's especially natural when you feel people start to slip. *However, IF you are paranoid about someone slipping, it may be something you would work on in therapy.*

 

Sometimes it takes breakups to see who is true and who is not. Breakups also help you become true to yourself and improve for you and your next relationship.

 

:)

Posted

Once again, in not moving on, you only hurt yourself and continue to allow someone else to define what you feel. Also, not moving on doesn't make you someone who feels deeply or is a nicer person. It only helps to propogate the victim mentality.

 

Take charge of yourself.

Posted
Once again, in not moving on, you only hurt yourself and continue to allow someone else to define what you feel. Also, not moving on doesn't make you someone who feels deeply or is a nicer person. It only helps to propogate the victim mentality.

 

Take charge of yourself.

 

Hey, Some poeple like to be victims!

Posted
Hey, Some poeple like to be victims!

From what I've seen, apparently so...

Posted
Once again, in not moving on, you only hurt yourself and continue to allow someone else to define what you feel. Also, not moving on doesn't make you someone who feels deeply or is a nicer person. It only helps to propogate the victim mentality.

 

Take charge of yourself.

 

 

Yeah this is true. Yet, we all will get to this point at our own rate. No one on this board can tell me that they were over it just like that (if the relationship meant anything, and one had hopes and dreams invested into it). It takes time, and focusing on doing constructive things to rebuild.

 

I think if we polled the amount of folks on here that broke NC, or went back for one last shot, it would be the majority. Some people just need to know they gave it all before they can truly hit the ground and GRIEVE. Once the grief starts, its a whole other ball game of letting go. These things are normal things that happen after a breakup. Eventually, the light inside your head comes on.

 

I can tell you I haven't moved on 100% because I am still angry. Do I personally like feeling mad at my ex for giving up so fast? Not at all. I get mad that I am mad at times....but now really where is the logic in that...I am a human, I am allowed to have feelings, and they will dissapate at a personal rate. Do I think that makes me a victim? Absolutely not.

 

Myself, the original poster, and others have had feelings invested and sometimes, when feelings get hurt its ok not to "snap off" those emotions but work through them so one may "take charge of yourself" in due time.

 

It ain't overnight folks.

 

Hugs to all.

Posted
Yeah this is true. Yet, we all will get to this point at our own rate. No one on this board can tell me that they were over it just like that (if the relationship meant anything, and one had hopes and dreams invested into it). It takes time, and focusing on doing constructive things to rebuild.

 

I think if we polled the amount of folks on here that broke NC, or went back for one last shot, it would be the majority. Some people just need to know they gave it all before they can truly hit the ground and GRIEVE. Once the grief starts, its a whole other ball game of letting go. These things are normal things that happen after a breakup. Eventually, the light inside your head comes on.

 

I can tell you I haven't moved on 100% because I am still angry. Do I personally like feeling mad at my ex for giving up so fast? Not at all. I get mad that I am mad at times....but now really where is the logic in that...I am a human, I am allowed to have feelings, and they will dissapate at a personal rate. Do I think that makes me a victim? Absolutely not.

 

Myself, the original poster, and others have had feelings invested and sometimes, when feelings get hurt its ok not to "snap off" those emotions but work through them so one may "take charge of yourself" in due time.

 

It ain't overnight folks.

 

Hugs to all.

If you're still grieving after 6 months, you're not only hurting yourself, you're scarring yourself for life. Let it go.

Posted
If you're still grieving after 6 months, you're not only hurting yourself, you're scarring yourself for life. Let it go.

 

 

Don't know if you are referring to me or the OP, but it's been 5 weeks since my relationship ended so your statement doesn't apply to me for the record.

 

Also, you can't put a cap on grief. Yes, if you are overly consumed by your grief at 6 mos, maybe you need to recruit outside help. But to each their own, and I still grieve relationship/friendship losses that happened in my past in small ways every now and then. Such as missing that person, or missing chats/jokes/feelings/nice things they'd do. Do I think or miss these things a lot? Hardly at all, but a loss is a loss. They all scar in someway, thats what makes us tougher in the end.

Posted
Don't know if you are referring to me or the OP, but it's been 5 weeks since my relationship ended so your statement doesn't apply to me for the record.

 

Also, you can't put a cap on grief. Yes, if you are overly consumed by your grief at 6 mos, maybe you need to recruit outside help. But to each their own, and I still grieve relationship/friendship losses that happened in my past in small ways every now and then. Such as missing that person, or missing chats/jokes/feelings/nice things they'd do. Do I think or miss these things a lot? Hardly at all, but a loss is a loss. They all scar in someway, thats what makes us tougher in the end.

Bringing out treasured memories aren't scars. It's positive. You can miss someone but not allow it to overwhelm your life.

 

I take the more pragmatic approach of, if they come back into my life and are worthwhile to accept back, it's all good. If they don't, c'est la vie.

  • Author
Posted

Man I'm feeling like crap right now. Canadian thanksgiving only a few days away. Naturally not going to be able to spend it how I liked. I'm trying here to buck up and not let this get me down but it does. It's just so freaking weird right now.

 

A so called friend who was going to help me with the moving on part, so as to be able to move on, but also to hopefully get my ex back, ending up betraying me to my ex. I bet she prob knows everything now that was discussed and thus thinks of me even less. No way to undo any of that. I believe this "friend" was actually envious and jealous of me and my ex. My ex's Dad is distraught. He also believes this "friend" basically poisoned the relationship I had with his daughter.

 

I have no choice whatsoever but to move on as best I can. I am trying, but this is all still fresh in my mind. And I'm a guy who does not take rejection well. I'm sensitive and naive and haven't had my heart rip to shreds too many times. Unlike some people here I can't just turn off a switch and voila I'm happy as larry. It takes time no matter how long a relationship I was in. Granted a one day thing has no effect, but a month or more does.

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