dropdeadlegs Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I think that there is nothing wrong with excitement, it's just human nature. Just make sure the excitement is paired with some solid realism. There is nothing wrong with saying "I'm so excited about this guy I've been seeing! I know there are no guarantees but he seems like bf material" I agree with allina. I understand that you don't want to get hurt, but there is always that risk and it seems impossible to enjoy the excitement if your guard is kept up. You know, what I mean. Don't be writing your wedding vows, but don't be too distant and afraid to show you're "gaga" about him either. I guess if I have a mantra it's "he will be mine, he will be mine, he will be mine" until it changes to "he's so not worthy, he's so not worthy, he's so not worthy."
latefragment Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 dropdeadlegs - would you be able to PM me as well? (sorry!) I am very interested to know how you "won" him back. I've been through a VERY similar situation but did not succeed. But on the thread topic: I go through the same thing - the crazy feelings. It's hard to control. It's like those feelings are being beamed at me from outer space, from another planet. It's irrational. I'm not sure how to keep them in check - but either (1) usually the guy turns out to be a mean jerk really fast and instead of being devastated, which I have been, I just get really, really sad for a while. or (2) I've been burned so many times now I mentally prepare myself for the worst by *expecting* the worst.
fray718 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I've been burned so many times now I mentally prepare myself for the worst by *expecting* the worst.lol i do that too but ppl tell me its a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think maybe the best approach is just to enjoy the ride and not have ANY expectations at all. There's this quote that 'happiness = reality - expectations.'.....thats how i interpreted it as. I think I tend to think of ppl I date (well this is just me thinking this way recently so not sure how well it will work but we'll see) as just my friends. So I dont expect anything from them and think that well if they dont call they are prob busy and i'll just go find some new 'friends'
Krytie TV Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Wow DDL, you need to write a book. There are apparently many women that feel the need to force someone to love them Sorry Star... keep it up...
sb129 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 You need to find a middle ground with your hopes unless you want to create a self fulfilling prophecy. If you are too hopeful, when the slightest thing feels different, you'll freak out. If you are too pessimistic, you will doom it too. Like Lou Reed said, it's best to be in a near constant state of alright. This is really good advice. You all know how wonderful I think Wonderboy is. (despite todays hiccup, and SG I started my own thread about it) He was the first guy I had met in a while that I didn't have fantastical daydreams about. He is very what you see is what you get, and I thought to myself, "well, I have been to rockbottom (with exMM) and survived, so this guy seems like fun to hang out with, and lets see how it goes." Knowing that you will be OK if it doesn't work out really helps- it helped me relax, be confident, and most of all it really helped me be myself- the old, well, I have nothing to lose attitude, something that I was never very good at before.
oppath Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Again, I think you need to step back from "wow, I feel this chemistry" and focus on "wow, I feel compatible." There is a difference. Don't have a checklist marking off compatibility, but really focus on him for who he is, not how you feel. Enjoy getting to know him for who he is. focus on the areas you feel compatible and explore them further.
sb129 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Again, I think you need to step back from "wow, I feel this chemistry" and focus on "wow, I feel compatible." There is a difference. Don't have a checklist marking off compatibility, but really focus on him for who he is, not how you feel. Enjoy getting to know him for who he is. focus on the areas you feel compatible and explore them further. Again, I agree totally. Chemistry is notorious for fizzling out, but compatibility lasts and grows. I think (fingers crossed!) that I have got compatibility- there has never been the kind of chemistry that made me behave stupidly, but what we have got is lovely. Sorry sorry, talking about myself again.
Timberlane Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Again, I agree totally. Chemistry is notorious for fizzling out, but compatibility lasts and grows. I think (fingers crossed!) that I have got compatibility- there has never been the kind of chemistry that made me behave stupidly, but what we have got is lovely. Sorry sorry, talking about myself again. No, I'm listening. This is good stuff. For me the chemistry in my current thing was really making me nutty, all floating around and unusually happy. It's been great, but last night was a little more down to Earth. It was a nice adjustment, as the evening was still enjoyable.
Recommended Posts