leela531 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 i am wondering how people have decided it was time to take a break from a relationship? how long did the break last? did it end up working out? here's my story ... i'm 24, have been dating my b/f for 4 1/2 years. about a month after we started dating he broke up with me because he wasn't sure if he was over his ex (i realize now that i should've run far away as soon as that happened ...). a couple of weeks after the breakup he told me he was in love with me and wanted to get back together. since it was my first relationship i went ahead with it, and i thought we've always had a really good relationship since then (we even survived 2 years of a 600 mile LDR). the only nagging problem over the past 4+ years have been my suspicions that he keeps in touch with his ex. ordinarily i don't think that would bother me, but as far as i'm concerned it's inappropriate and disrespectful for him to keep in touch with someone he broke up with me for. anways, this summer i found out through an online tracker that his ex has been stalking me pretty consistently. i confronted my b/f and he was really angry at her. he insisted that they'd kept in touch only to say happy birthday/happy holidays/chat about school, etc. i made the mistake of checking his email one day (totally out of character for me), and i found out among other things that she had been writing him telling him he was her soulmate and that she'll always love him, and that they even got together for coffee one day a couple of years back. all of this was 100% hidden from me. i have never felt this level of betrayal before in my life. he insists that he's never cheated on me and that he didn't think it was a big deal to just get together to catch up (but then why hide it from me?). i feel like i can no longer trust anything about our past, present, or future. things have gotten pretty messy over the past month or so. i feel so trapped, because right now it doesn't feel good to be in the relationship but at the same time i don't think i would feel better breaking up either. on top of all this, he is about to take on a female roommate (even though i've been telling him for months that i'm not comfortable with that). i'm so mentally exhausted from dealing with this relationship that i feel like i can't focus on anything else in my life (just started grad school too), and i'm wondering if it might be a good idea to just take a break for a while? sorry for the very long post, but i'd appreciate any input
carolinaboy Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 well the checking his email sounds pretty lame...even if it is out of character. love makes you do crazy things, eh? just go with your gut. it doesnt make you feel good that he is keeping in contact with her. He never brought it up so it seems kind of shady on his behalf. at the same time, maybe he is just a guy who had an ex that he wants to stay friends with and didnt want to hurt your feelings. What were his responses to the emails where she said she loved him and all that "soulmate" stuff. his responses to that should hold the answers for you. Bottomline, it's whether or not you trust him and if your relationship is good otherwise. This stuff is mind scrambling, but good luck.
Author leela531 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 well ... in my defense he was without internet access for a while after a move, and he called and asked me to check his mail, which i had never done to that point. once i had checked his mail i searched for the messages from the ex. i am only human!
Poboy Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 if things have become this bad , you should be looking at breaking up with this guy than just a break. i never understood this break thing. it never worked for anyone i know. a break meant one of the two doesn't want to be in the relationship, a polite way to end it & a slow death of the relationship eventually.
Msblueyes Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I have to say this, if you think there's a reason to check email, trust is out the door. I've been in this situation before & my gut was always right. Why, I don't know. It's just your body takes in what your mind denies. My bf of seven years is the one to say we needed a break. Well, he just got out of a 90 day break from me in Rehab. So I don't know. It's hit me hard because I thought things were on an upswing. In processing the break issue, I've lost my sanity in the past two weekends. I've confronted him with my 2 girlfriends who HE hit on. He said I've humiliated him. Really? And it's not humiliating for a girl to have one of her best friends tell her about her boyfriends tactics? Ok...so, then after that he said we need a break. I started screaming you need a break so you can get your *%$ sucked by someone else...oh and everything that goes with those comments. So he's not into me after all this time, good, go find another loving soul to screw up. I'm upset by it, angry and also sad. I've never done a break before, just a divorce, so I'm kinda new at this. I don't like the sacharin coating that a break is an "easier" way to say goodbye. If it's good bye, just lets' freaking end it, right?
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