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Ex-boyfriend passed away a year ago...


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Posted

Well, my last boyfriend and I had been going out for almost two years, when we broke up (we had been fighting for awhile, after we started living together). I felt like he wasn't putting any effort into the relationship and we ended up going on a break. He was definitely against this, as he wanted to stay together...but I felt like our relationship was pretty much over. For me, it felt like the relationship had been going downhill for almost a year. I started dating someone else, and he was hurt and so he went back to his ex-girlfriend and started dating her too. The last conversation we had was him talking about how he was with this girl probably because he needed to get over me.

 

A few months after we broke up, he died in a car accident driving to see his new/ex girlfriend. I went to the funeral and I felt very out of place and unwanted. Although everyone was superficially nice, it didn't seem genuine. I strongly got the impression that his new/ex girlfriend didn't like me, and his friends hated me too because I had "broken" his heart.

 

I felt so guilty and upset. It wasn't that I didn't love him...I just felt like I tried so hard and he didn't put in as much as I did. And yes, I was the one that wanted to break up, and I was the one who found someone else first. And now...even a year later I feel horrible. I was fine until the one-year anniversary of his death came this past weekend. Then I felt so sad and upset....I don't even know how to explain it. Although I'm content in my current relationship (we're doing long distance so things aren't exactly perfect)...I find myself wondering why I broke up with my ex in the first place...if I lost something really good...if I just didn't try hard enough?

 

I feel bad because I'm the one who ended things and I do have someone else in my life already (for over a year too). Am I wrong to feel this way? These past few days he's all I can think about...

Posted

I can understand how you feel but these are things you can not control.

 

He wasn't putting in what you felt was the necessary amount of effort into the relationship so you left him to find someone else who would. There is no shame in that for your needs were not being met. It sounds like you even tried to work things out with him and it was not until after you broke up that he started to make changes.

 

I'm sorry that he passed away, but I am not sure why you are feeling guilty. You did not contribute to his death. I would even go so far as to say this was God's plan for him and that He helped you pull away from him before so that the loss would not hit you as hard as it could have.

 

Be thankful he is in a better place and don't fret too much.

 

You've done nothing to be regretful over.

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Posted

Maybe I felt guilty because toward the end of our relationship...I had grown closer to one of my close friends (who I ended up dating). My feelings for my friend grew as my relationship with my boyfriend slowly deteriorated. As many times that I brought up our relationship with my ex, he never made any effort to work on it with me...which is why I ended things. Then when I started dating my friend, he made me feel guilty for betraying him (which may be my fault, I don't know).

 

I just keep thinking thoughts like "were things really as bad as I thought they were?" or "maybe he's the best I ever had"...I don't know >.<

Posted

Firstly im sad to hear of your ex's passing.

 

Just be honest with yourself! Deep down you know the answer.

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