rocketpixie Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I've been friends someone since elementary school. She's always been headstrong and driven and I've had a policy to never tell her what to do. But recently she's fallen into a really destructive pattern. She doesn't work even though she needs the money, refuses to see a counselor, and spends her days playing video games and smoking weed to take her mind off the fact that she's jobless and depressed. I really care for her and I've encouraged her to go back to school or try for different jobs, but she just keeps saying she can't and she doesn't know what she wants to do. The longer she takes to figure things out the worse her health is getting and the bigger her debt grows. She sometimes scares me by talking about dying and I feel like shaking her. I'm just trying to be there for her, but nothing seems to change. Is there anything I can do?
Lyssa Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Do you know what made her change in such a way? You did not state whether she lives with her parents or not, I'm assuming she doesn't... so here's a Q - how's her family background like? Did she change drastically?
Author rocketpixie Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 I'm not sure what happened. It was a drastic change. But no, she doesn't live with family. Her family is kinda abusive, and there's a lot of history there but most of this happened long after she moved out. She was still strong and driven to succeed when she left. She started out with a lot of debt and I guess she just gave up after many years with no support.
Lyssa Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 That is really sad. I can imagine how you feel as her friend. It would bug the hell out of me if this happened to a friend of mine, esp one I am close to. Well, you have tried talking her into going for counselling but she refuses to do so. I don't know I'd be any help to be honest with you, I read your thread and felt sad and just wanted to say something... the thing is, she really needs help. She's getting herself deeper now.. taking weed and on top of that, talking about dying... I'm sorry this happened to your friend. I really hope someone will reply to your post with really good advice. [[[rocketpixie]]]
Author rocketpixie Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Thank you. She always seems to talk about dying in the "what if" type of way and I don't think she'd do anything...but it still bothers me. She never talked like this before. I've started ending most of our conversations with "I love you" (that's not even something I typically say to family). Sometimes she says it back and sounds like she's going to cry. It just seems like now would really be the time to do or say something, I just don't know what.
melodymatters Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Set up a date with your freind and go over there and TELL HER, everything you've told us. Ask her is as a favor to you, she will try counseling or antideprresants for a month. Just the fact that you are SHOWING her that you care so much for her, might help her hold on until things either get worse or better. ( I can totally relate to your friend, I used to be succesful, on top of the world and now......, so I am saying this because it would mean the world to ME if somone did that. When depressed and feeling hopeless it is VERY HARD to break out of it alone)
SuperHands Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 It sounds to me that she's suffering from a complete lack of self confidence and low self esteem. Unfortunately some people get like that. I would go with melodymatters advice and show her that you care. Some depressed people get like that because really they want someone to care for them and don't have the strength to it themselves. Perhaps even talk to a counsellor yourself about this? Might be worth a try. Not that i'm suggesting that you have issues or anything, just that they may have some good advice for you.
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