concernedquestion Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Hi, I've been married for over 10 years. I sought separation about 10 months ago. I started dating a man around that same time. He has a 16 year old daughter. He's been divorced for 14 years and carries a lot of guilt. He often remarks and feels torn between spending time with me when his daughter is with him. I am trying to understand how to move forward in this relationship without getting hurt. I don't want to invest a lot of time and energy into something that he ultimately has more control over (his ability and willingness) to balance his life with me and his daughter. I also am stressed about my own needs. I don't know if I am compromising too much by being with someone who has a child or if this is right for me in my life. He is a wonderful man and makes me very happy and I could see a life with him. However, these 2 years are going to be somewhat challenging with me having to share his time and with him adjusting to life with me (after over 10 years without a serious relationship which took any time with his daughter). Also, my question is also to the level of responsibility that I may have to feel for his daughter. I don't have the same feelings that he does, obviously. Also, I am kind and like to take care of people, but, also recognize that there are no returns in this relationship for me. I am concerned that I will take the focus off my life and focus too much on his life and his daughter. I am interested in having my own children and focusing on my own life. I don't know if this is possible with a person who already has a child and his focus is going to be divided. In other words, will there be a time when he will be able to have the same focus on my life and our life together as I do. or am I always compromising because he has a child from a former marriage.. or will he always see his life as 2 separate lives.
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