greg2414 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Hi all, This is my first time on these forums and i've been readin alot of posts and it's inspired me to write what i'm going through the last few days. I've just split from a girl who i have been with for 6 years, engaged, had our own house for 2 years and have a little 1 year old and low and behold im only 21 so is she. Met in school and here we are now. I have never done any wrong to her and she has never done wrong to me, we had the best relationship ever and 6 years was a long time for 2 young people who have done alot for our age. She said she didnt know what she wanted with us anymore which i didnt really get, i answered her by saying well by saying that u must be thinking of a choice, either me or you want to be single or someone else ? She answered no i do love u and will never stop its just i dont have the feelings for a relationship with you anymore. I had to take it on the head and it was the hardest thing ever as i just want to find out a more solid reason and find out why she is feeling the way she is. The hardest thing about it all is taking her off everything i have e.g Bank accounts removing all her direct debits for her phone , car etc which i payed as she didnt work alot because of the baby. It hurts me doing this but i have to do it. Also the car is mine and she doesnt have a car so im a bit stuck as i've let her borrow it for time being for the baby. She has asked me not to get rid of her off the bank yet as she hasnt any money until she gets sorted aswell, what do i do ( id give her everything i have but should i :/ The main part in all this is our child who is 1 in 2 weeks which is horrible as we are not together for his first bday. I try not to text or ring her during the day but im a hawk on my phone i just sit there and wait for a sign to speak to her it's horrible, i try not to tell her i love her but obviously i do we both do but it's hard to kep that away. Also i've been very close to her family for the 6 years, lived with them for along time, so im like another son to them, they ask if i wanna cuppa etc if i pick my boy up but i do want this but i dont wanna be there seeing my girl coz it just upsets me and i wanna tell her how i feel everytime The hardest will be weekends when she goes out for a drink with mates, i will wanna know where she is, what's shes doing etc. Won't be so bad this weekend cos i'm off out but you get my just. Its so hard to do NC or anything as i have to see my boy every day. I need help ) hope someone has been through the same situation. Regards Greg
Aintayankee Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Ya, help her get a car at least. You should set her up her own bank account and give her the monthly child support money to support them. You are being responsible. Don't call or text or email her. I know it must be unbearable, but if she don't need you, then you don't need to be a part of her life, but still be a part of the childs. Who cares why. WHY, it is the classic question in philosophy. I don't think it matters. Just go off what is now. Don't spite her, or blame her, or anything, just go into hardcore philosophy. It is ok to never know why. As close as you were to her, you can never get inside her head (subjectivism). It is okay to doubt and question reality and everything about anything in the world forever. Just wander on aimlessly in that respect. You said you two bought a house together? If I ever went through a divorce situation like yours, I would leave her the house. I would just take my personal stuff, load them in the back of my truck, and go away, because that is her choice. I would leave her everything else, so long as she could afford the bills for them. If not then I would ask her about selling/getting rid of those items. Just be there for the child, and maybe from time to time ask her if she is doin okay, or ask/offer to help her do chores/errands or bring over groceries or whatnot. Don't stay long, just pop in if it something like that. Dont do this more than once a month. Don't bother her. Be careful bout that even though your heart is in agony. Good luck.
Author greg2414 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 thanks for the reply. we werent married but were engaged and was together 6 years. i just dont know how to plan my next step thats all, i'm scared of another relationship as i will want it the same as i had before if you see what i mean. It's hard thinking what to do next, as i need to get my own place again as we were renting not bought. But do i get my own place and go from there or wait to see if she turns. Im thinking of getting my own place coz im at my mothers atm , so its easier for me to have my boy for the night etc and if she ever wanted somewhere to come for the night, day should i let her etc. I would take with open arms but i dont know if its what i should do ) So hard love is hey. First time ive expereinced it as we were first lovers for both of us and we've basicaly done all what a family does Thanks for the help
coath Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 hi just wondering how your situation is going ! im in the same boat as you apart from i have a little girl who i five !
kirikat Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 for all practical puposes, you are married... and you will always be a family. Can I suggest that you get family counseling now? Not to stay together, but to seperate gracefully while remaining a family for your baby?
LakesideDream Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Greg, I do know how you feel. It hurts like hell, and feels like it will never stop. I wouldn't worry to much about No Contact. That usually works better for people who are angry or conflicted, or, way to dependant. You don't sound like any of those things. It's often said, but true... try to live an hour at a time, then a day, week, month. At some point the hurt will subside, and you will be able to smile when you remember the good things. I have good thoughts for you. The advice you will get here is good, hang around.
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