Tim_001 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Went out with this girl for a 18months which ended, she started a new relationship but wanted to stay friends with me. We get along brilliantly however unfortunately i never fell out of love with her. Now three years later, I cant seem to move on. She calls me all the time to hang out. She has a boyfriend but I hang out with her more than he does. I know Im being used for the emotional support that her boyfriend doesnt give her which isnt fair on me. Everytime I find a new girl, she teases me with sexual favours, only to cease as soon as the new girl threat is gone. This has happened a few times. Very much attracted to all aspects of her I think I am mainly highly addicted to her. I recently cut all contact which annoyed her. I wasn't mean, just said I was too busy every time she would call. She tried to turn the tables and tell me that she thought we could no longer be friends. I just agreed. Now after 6months I bumped into her at a party. We talked for a bit but then I hung with my friends and left after a while. She called me that next week for a catch up to see if we could possibly hang out like we used to which i did. She is now being overly nice. I have always been friendly to her and do nice things for her but she has treated me poorly at times and I have felt like doormat. She is very witty and smart and I think she is skilled at getting things her own way. She throws ideas my way that we could hook up in the future but I think it could be just her way of keeping me in her life. Mainly my question is, is she worth keeping in my life, even though she causes me stress and happiness? I feel sometimes that she is the one for me, but she must grow up a little first (her age 21). All my friends tell me to get rid of her. Im not sure what to do. "Follow your heart" they say.... Well so far, it aint working.
Saxis Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 How were you doing in that "no contact" period? I'd suggest that's where you need to be until you can move on, or she grows up. Games are no fun...
Lizzie60 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I know Im being used for the emotional support that her boyfriend doesnt give her which isnt fair on me. I always say to women or men.... they abuse you ONLY if YOU let them abuse you... simple.
Aintayankee Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 This is tough. You have to tell her that you won't be her toy. Tell her you aren't a yankee, and you don't like how she cuts you off with other girls by teasing you with sexual favors. Tell her that you will end up alone in life if you continue to be used by her. Tell her she is nice, but if she don't need you, then you don't need to stay around.
Trialbyfire Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Does it matter what her motivations are? What matters is that you're not getting over her by staying in some form of contact. Stay away from her.
CaliGuy Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I know Im being used for the emotional support that her boyfriend doesnt give her which isnt fair on me. I always say to women or men.... they abuse you ONLY if YOU let them abuse you... simple. EGGS-actly People can ONLY use you if you LET them. He needs to cut her off. I recommend this book all the time for men who feel like people take advantage of them so I will recommend it again: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. Read it. It's for door mat men who just think they're "niiiiiiiice....."
jcster Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I have always been friendly to her and do nice things for her but she has treated me poorly at times and I have felt like doormat. You didn't feel like a doormat - you acted like a doormat. Most important word in this statement: you She is very witty and smart and I think she is skilled at getting things her own way. She throws ideas my way that we could hook up in the future but I think it could be just her way of keeping me in her life. If you see it that clearly, then what is the problem? Say NO! You are responsible for how others treat you in the long term. That's not a nice thing to realize, but it's true. If you don't want to be used - stop offering yourself for use. Mainly my question is, is she worth keeping in my life, even though she causes me stress and happiness? As what? An excuse to avoid getting closer to any other women? As a reason to be miserable? Take responsibility for your actions and feelings, and stop accomodating people who treat you badly.
Author Tim_001 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 No contact period was ok. I missed her, but got on with life. When we hung out that time after i bumped into her, it brought back the same feelings. I noticed that I was very happy and in a great mood except at times i was also stroppy & distressed. During the 6month no contact period, i wasnt overly happy, but never upset either. Just normal. Thats why i mentioned before that i feel addicted to her. Like a drug, Ups and downs. Yeah, i shouldnt have ever let her use me which is what has been happening. I feel that if she's happy, then so am i. I would do things that made her smile especially if she was upset. I have always acted the same way. When we dated, we were equally as nice to eachother. She has changed alot. Thanks heaps everyone for your advice. I see the mass response is to let her go. Due to the long friendship it is very difficult because she is awesome fun to hang with. If we were meant for eachother, she'll be back i guess, which is why i gave it another shot at being friends. Feel like im running around in circles sometimes. Like a forked road, one way is her which is very familiar, heaps of fun, however ive been that way before There is a brick wall at the end though, i keep banging into it. The other is a path which i have not been, new adventures to be had?
Timberlane Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Play "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" on a tape loop continuously for seven days. Then follow up with static for six days.
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