tomwiz Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I have been going out with a girl for the past year-year and a half. For a long time, things where great between us, open honest, basically a nice healthy relationship. Then approximately 2ish months ago, we started to have problems, our sex life slowed, I just seemed as more of an annoyance to her than a nice part of her life. I realize this now and am willing to reel it in a little bit. Both of us are in graduate school, however I work as well...I try to make an effort to see her at least 3x a week, couple of hours. she continually rejects me as far as hanging out stating that she is too busy. I know she feels/felt like I was smothering her, but is calling like 1x-2x a day and routinely not getting a call back for 5ish hours normal? I had asked her if she wanted to be together she said yes. Well, after a arguement on sunday, a "break" was brought up, after a few lengthy emails regarding what is/was going on stating things such as "i think it is the best thing for us or we;'re just gonna keep gettin into the same ****...i think you know it is the best thing too...i want time to myself and you need it too and you know it...you cant just keep pushing something that isnt working....so please just give me some time to think on my own" it all seems pretty final to me, however last night, I texted her, "I need to know right now if we are done for good, or is there still some hope for us" she responded with "No, I just need time to think and I know you do too" So essentially, this is my plan of action, I know breaks rarely work out. I figure I will play it cool, try to get over this and take some time for me, while she "thinks". However, I need to know...is there ANY hope here?
Reactor Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Feeling smothered is she? Thats what a relationship is, you spend time with someone, you cuddle, you kiss, you have fun. Sounds like she doesn't know if she can accept you for who you are, or that the spark is dying and shes losing interest. Sometimes people go through the "I don't really want a boyfriend/girlfriend atm" stage. Mine went through it too, she even called me 'The most clingy person she knew'. But I wasn't clingy, I was loving and caring because I wanted to support her. Unfortunatly she misinterpretted this support as smothering, maybe this is what your girlfriend is doing? Space is always good in a relationship, especially when you are young because it helps both people miss one another. It sounds like your ex is really giving you and her a good think over in her mind - which is good. I remember asking my ex to make a decision about 'us', needless to say she called me the next day and broke up with me (Haha). So don't be too pushy about it, let her think, and you should think too. I will stress though that you and her can think all you like but you have to talk about the problems or whatever in the relationship at some point, so if I were you I would be ready to approach these when you see her next. You have nothing to loose by giving her space. But be wary, I wanted to give my ex space and when I asked "How long?" She said she didn't know. If thats her answer, then well, I recommend you walk away. Oh yeah, and when/if you talk about the issues, don't repeat yourselves and don't talk about them too much and try not to get emotional! Good luck, Reactor
Author tomwiz Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Reactor, thank you, i feel your post has some real insight. Its tough right now, I already had the whole breakdown and crying thing. Just trying to pick up the pieces, find out what makes me happy, stop worrying so much about her and idolizing our relationship for something recently that it was not. I just read a pretty helpful thread on how to win someone back, it can only happen if they actually want it to and there is no real way i can fix it on my own. Through our emails back and forth, I've kinda succumb to some of her points and just let her know that I still care about her, enough to give her her time, even if that leads to things being completely over, the process for possibly getting her back is the same as getting over her and I'm not holding my breath
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