nev Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I've been with my current wife for 6 years now and things are not very good at all between us. She's withdrawn from me physically altogether and, of course, that impacts on everything else and creates a bad atmosphere which feeds on itself and makes everything worse. My question is this: I constantly ask her if she's OK, what's worrying her, does she want to talk about anything. Sometimes I try and insist, I say "Come on, I know there's something wrong, please tell me." but she won't. Things have got to this sorry pass because she seems almost to be proud of not talking about her feelings. She lived with a landowning millionaire for fifteen years and I think this stiff-upper-lip thing has rubbed off on her. Even when dreadful things happen, if she can keep them from me, she does. How can it be more important to her to keep quiet than actually save our marriage? I've tried telling her to talk to a friend if she won't talk to me but she seems to find that incomprehensible. I actually had to explain to her, stage by stage, about the mechanics of how you actually discuss your problems with a friend. Anything I do get out of her is by badgering her and, of course, all I get is anger and accusations - in other words, just fighting behaviour. She's not unemotional. After all, at the moment she's very good at being sullen, angry and resentful but she doesn't seem to have a clue about introspection or describing how she feels. How can I get her talk, as opposed to saying nothing, but at least with some structure rather than just rage?
blueladybird Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 You are a very nice man...I lwas having the same problem with my ex. I kept on asking him what was wrong he never said much. We ended up splitting..he was not myhusband though, so dont fear. I think you should give her some time. Dont prob her too much. Still something may be wrong..could she be seeing someone else? Having problems in certain areas?...Its confusing but you need to make her talk. Do something romantic...like maybe lay in bed with her, and hug her...look into her eyes and tell her she can trust you...dont be too persuasuve but coerce her. Women usually talk, I wonder what the problem could be. If she still refuses to speak, maybe you can get a friend of hers to try and speak to her........
blueladybird Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 You are a very nice man...I was having the same problem with my ex. I kept on asking him what was wrong he never said much. We ended up splitting..he was not myhusband though, so dont fear. I think you should give her some time. Dont prob her too much. Still something may be wrong..could she be seeing someone else? Having problems in certain areas?...Its confusing but you need to make her talk. Do something romantic...like maybe lay in bed with her, and hug her...look into her eyes and tell her she can trust you...dont be too persuasuve but coerce her. Women usually talk, I wonder what the problem could be. If she still refuses to speak, maybe you can get a friend of hers to try and speak to her........ or has she been sexually asaulted?..it could something she doesnt think you would take too kindly..or something that she may be embarrased about..so many options but you need to get her to speak
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