Bobby NoBrains Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 BentSpine wrote in another post that - "In general, I think cheating is a sign that one is with the wrong partner." It made me do a think and a rethink. While it makes sense, could it really be as simple as that ? I'd love to know some views on this either way. No flames, please It's my first non-personal thread Bobby
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 "In general, I think cheating is a sign that one is with the wrong partner." Sometimes that is the case, but I think more often its a case of not the wrong partner, but the wrong mindset of the person cheating regardless of whether or not his partner is right for him. People cheat on 'right' partners all the time. I know I did.
silktricks Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 "In general, I think cheating is a sign that one is with the wrong partner." Like so many one-liners, it can have some truth for some people. More often, though, I think cheating is a sign that the communication between the two married people has broken down. The problem is that there are so many different situations and people across the world that any simplistic answer is just that - simplistic. There are probably many different scenarios for which neither BentSpine's statement or my statement are accurate.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I think cheating is a symptom of something bigger within the person that does it. I have seen many cases where men had these incredible women from the outside but they were bored and wanted excitement. It says alot that a person would risk their health through nhealthy sexual practices and almsot get another woman pregnant becuase your emotional needs arent being met. But when you even enter an affair your not even giving your spose or S/o a chance to meet those needs. but some people are socioptahs that can never be happy. Which one is you married to that's the question?
ohmy3 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I agree w/ the other 2 posters for a direct answer that relly aint poss............... I myself have never cheated on anyone I was with. as the signs of the relationship was wearing out it always wore out the love well before that would have happened and the break up came 1st easily.................
Lizzie60 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I think cheating is over-analyzed... there is just as many reasons as there are cheating individuals. Each situation is different... but the main reason would be: partners drifted apart in one or all aspects (emotions, intellect, sex, etc.)
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I think cheating is over-analyzed... there is just as many reasons as there are cheating individuals. Each situation is different... but the main reason would be: partners drifted apart in one or all aspects (emotions, intellect, sex, etc.) But lizzie even you gotta realize that there is a darkside to it. Over analyzing aint the problem. Cheating and the actual act of it is. Why promise a persona monagamy if you aint gonna keep it. Alot of women out here catching HPV and developing cervical cancer. ALot of people catching STD's like nothing. When you put yourself out there like that? Your bound to hurt yourself. It aint always about drifiting apart. The thing is , if that's the case either seperate fully or work on your problems. You dont make anythings better by F-ing around! You only make it worse.
norajane Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 No, cheating is a sign that the cheater has issues within themselves. Anyone who chooses to lie and sneak around to suit him/herself one way or another is making poor, hurtful choices and needs to resolve the issues within themselves that make cheating appear to be a viable option.
smartgirl Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Basically, everyone who has posted has made points that are valid for some people who cheat. In most cases, I do not personally believe that cheating is a sign you are with the wrong partner. Breaking up and divorcing however, are pretty good indications you are with the wrong partner. I believe cheating is more about the individual and something they feel they need at a particular point in time. Sometimes that has to do with the spouse, but sometimes that need was there all along in the cheater. I think this applies to serial cheaters as well as people who do it one time and never again. I've said this before, but no single person can meet all of another's needs. That is unrealistic. Sometimes people focus on the few unmet needs and then trouble follows.
Mustang Sally Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I agree with LB. Also, I will restate what I have stated before: the only people who REALLY know what goes on between two people are the two people themselves.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I agree with LB. Also, I will restate what I have stated before: the only people who REALLY know what goes on between two people are the two people themselves. LOL... sometimes not even them!
Author Bobby NoBrains Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 So perhaps it's the duration that someone cheated ? Or when they started ? Cause incompatible people would start as soon as they would realize ? Heh, even as I'm saying these I don't agree, myself ... Perhaps just the fact that they did cheat is a sure indicator of a weak personality ? Someone who would rather cheat than take the bull by the horns and face up to a weak relationship, however it may be, emotionally, intellectually or sexually ? Could we define a cheater as someone who would rather run away than face up to the problem ? Or is there more, like circumstances ? Or situations where the person "suddenly" loses control ? Just tossing these out there ... Bobby
jj2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Alot of women out here catching HPV and developing cervical cancer. Yeah I have only been with one man sexually in my whole life and now I have to deal with that because my H brought that lovely little gift home to me.
Herzen Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Infidelity often is a "crime" of opportunity as opposed to whether the betrayed spouse is "right" or "wrong." When a cheater embarks on an affair with someone hot and new the betrayed spouse is "wrong"--not because of defects of character--but because he or she is part of life's routine. Like an old slipper.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 There's no black or white here, cheating comes in many forms for many reasons. Once we accept that given the right circumstances, almost everyone is capable of cheating even if they love their spouse it, can become a reality. I believe one of the biggest avenues of cheating and the reason it's an epidemic is due to the time spent working. More women in the workforce than ever, and more of us working longer hours. Couple that with stress and it's much easier for two people to develop the emotional bonds that constitute affairs. Of course, that just one of may reasons there are many others. Cheers!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 LOL... sometimes not even them! you took the words right outta my mouth.
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 "In general, I think cheating is a sign that one is with the wrong partner." 100% agree with that. Ariadne
Rooster_DAR Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 "In general, I think cheating is a sign that one is with the wrong partner." 100% agree with that. Ariadne Even though your generalizing, you will find most psychiatrists would disagree with this opinion as a whole. Even people with the right partner can and will cheat.
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Nah, Even though your generalizing, you will find most psychiatrists would disagree with this opinion as a whole. Even people with the right partner can and will cheat. Psychologists will try and "work on the relationship," and "communication skills," and how to "fight fair" or whatever nonsense. That to me is trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Find a couple that you see are "soulmates" (totally compatible, emotionally, spiritually etc) and that question won't even arise. Ariadne
Rooster_DAR Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Nah, Even though your generalizing, you will find most psychiatrists would disagree with this opinion as a whole. Even people with the right partner can and will cheat. Psychologists will try and "work on the relationship," and "communication skills," and how to "fight fair" or whatever nonsense. That to me is trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Find a couple that you see are "soulmates" (totally compatible, emotionally, spiritually etc) and that question won't even arise. Ariadne When you are talking soulmates, I would assume you mean two people who are intellectually mature and share common interests. Otherwise, soulmates in many contexts don't exist. I agree that a couple who have much in common and share the same compatibilities would have a higher success rate, that does not mean they are immune to straying however. Think about that...
Mustang Sally Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 When you are talking soulmates, I would assume you mean two people who are intellectually mature and share common interests. Otherwise, soulmates in many contexts don't exist. I agree that a couple who have much in common and share the same compatibilities would have a higher success rate, that does not mean they are immune to straying however. Think about that...You go, Rooster.
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Hi, When you are talking soulmates, I would assume you mean two people who are intellectually mature and share common interests. No, not exactly. You can have two people that are perfectly mature but have absoutely nothing to do with each other. Or they can both like "golf" or whatever other interest and the same thing. When you see two people that get along great and have that thing going, they are usually very much alike, have the same attitude toward things, same world view, similar personality, same likes and dislikes, etc etc. That's what I'd call soulmates, spiritually alike people that love each other and have a strong intimate connection. There cheating doesn't happen. Ariadne
Author Bobby NoBrains Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 I'd like to believe there's a soulmate out there for each one of us, but relationships do break up even without cheating, so if it's broken up, is it a soulmate you broke up with ? One thing is certain, you can easily say that "If your spouse cheats, you married the wrong person". However, is it so black and white as all that ? Doesn't the BS contribute in some way to the situation ? Or is a first-time cheater always a cheating addict ? Seems to be like the anomaly of the ages, cheating is as old as mankind (prolly ) Bobby
SarahBeth04 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 So perhaps it's the duration that someone cheated ? Or when they started ? Cause incompatible people would start as soon as they would realize ? Heh, even as I'm saying these I don't agree, myself ... Perhaps just the fact that they did cheat is a sure indicator of a weak personality ? Someone who would rather cheat than take the bull by the horns and face up to a weak relationship, however it may be, emotionally, intellectually or sexually ? Could we define a cheater as someone who would rather run away than face up to the problem ? Or is there more, like circumstances ? Or situations where the person "suddenly" loses control ? Just tossing these out there ... Bobby Not everyone who cheats would rather run away than face the problem. I faced my problem. You have to have a partner willing to work WITH YOU.
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