faith82 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 heres my story.. my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We dated for almost 2yrs. We had a very good relationship..he did anything and everything for me. I cant really remember a time where he didnt come running to me apologizing whenever we got into a fight..even if it wasnt his fault. He is an emotional guy and always did all he could to see me smile. For the most part we were happy and wanted to get married. But, then I had a lot of baggage from my previous relationship. My previous bf before this one, cheated on me twice and basically walked all over me. I never got to say anything to him. I thought i was over everything before i started dating this guy, but now after we broke up i realized how much baggage i carried into it. Whenever we fought, i would always just yell and shut him out and never let him explain himself. We saw eachother every single day also, and as much fun as we had i think everything finally just got to him. He said he spent many nights crying bc he felt like he was never good enough and how much he hated himself for not being able to make me happy. I have to admit i was very selfish. I love him w. all of my heart but bc of my past hurts i unknowingly took it out on him. i guess we really do hurt the ones that are closest to us sometimes. So, our last fight was over something really stupid, i blew up at him and was really mean to him and told him i wanted to break up. OF course i didnt mean it. The next day i went to him telling him i was sorry and he was very mean to me. For the first time..ever. He said he was done w. this relationship. He wanted some time to just breathe and do his own thing. And he said we would talk once he was done being mad. I kept tellin him i was sorry and eventually he said okay and we would work on it. As we continued to talk, i said that i couldnt shake off how mean he was and that maybe he was right about us. He got mad at me and hung up. for the next week i asked him to meet up and i became "the needy person" begging him for forgiveness. He was just so cold to me...a guy that is so sensitive and crys over everything didnt shed one tear. he said he hated me and didnt think i deserved a second chance and more hurtful stuff. But once we both calmed down, i told him that i was being a little stupid about things and he asked me if i was talking with my ex bf again. Then he looked through my cell to see if i contacted him..so confused when he did that. Eventually i realized i really needed to give him space. I kno it may be a week late but still I knew i needed to give him time. So, i called him and he was still a little mean when we were talking and said he would think about giving me a 2nd chance. But for now he just couldnt talk or even look at me. Right before we hung up he said he didnt want me doing anything stupid, by turning to other guys. Which kinda confused me. And he also took the pictures of our last trip and said he wanted to keep it. I dont know what i am suppose to do. I acted like an idiot and hurt him a lot. I have 5 days left till im suppose to call him. DUring this month, ive really been working on myself and have let go of a lot of things from my previous ex bf. So in that aspect of my life, im healed. I want him back so I can really show him who i really am this time around..not that angry person that never listened to him.. is there anything i can do? if he said he would talk to me in a month..will he? or did i mess it up way too much...for me to ever get another chance.
Davey McG Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Its really hard to say. As you say, you gave this guy a pretty hard time. You also say that he never said anything mean and then became that way. This suggests to me that you pushed him past a point and he snapped. This is not entirely your fault, but his for not telling you when you'd upset him and he let it all build up (lots of men do this) There may be some distrust. If you spent a lot of the relationship talking about an ex or even contacting the ex (I assume there was at least some contact, otherwise why would he ask if you'd been phoning your ex-ex?). It sounds like he was pretty cold when you met, which means that you might have to do some work convincing him you've changed when you next meet. The fact that he was so cold means that he's put up a barrier and at the time wanted to push you away. Without knowing the guy, its hard to tell if there is anything you can do, but if you genuinely have changed and worked things out and aren't going to fall back into shouting at him etc then there is no harm in trying to see how things go. If he says yes, you got lucky. If not, learn from the experience. I hope it goes well for you. Let us know how you get on
Author faith82 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 thanks for the advice... I truly love him and am trying to change. If a guy is pushed over the edge...is it really really hard to try to get through to him? I mean he had to say all those tihngs out of anger. I know how much he loved me. SO, if i give him time to cool off, how hard is it to slowly rebuild it??
Aintayankee Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Some of us on loveshack have had our hearts shredded by people, even if it is unintentional. You might need a macho man with not much brains, because then he won't have baggage. You might wanna dump some of your baggage off at counseling possibly, if not, then it is ok. I dunno, an emotional guy just isn't someone who deserves to be hurt. But then again he might not be man enough for your needs. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that he'll forget about you. A song to make you feel guilty....."Cant you see" by The Marshall Tucker Band. I am biased as a guy, but I bet it is still in his subconciouss the hurt he feels. He probably mostly recalls the good times though. Ok. So about getting him back, don't rush into feelings, maybe go for a hike with him. There will be some mental distance between you for a while. Don't bring up memories or things from before, so you can start of as distant as possible. Drop by his hous or call randomly, but not more than a few times a week. Just spend time with him in person. With friends would be much easier. Go to a movie in a group, then you can sit next to him, and eventually lean over and rest your head against his head/neck area. Good luck.
DH27 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 In my opinion, its easier to get a guy back than a girl, so at least you have that going for you. But don't be so needy. Its weird but guys most of the time are turned off by girls that will just fall all over them. You two have a strong foundation though. 2 years is a good amount of time. I would say just give him time to evaluate his life without you, and I'm sure he will see that his life with you is better than without. Let him know that you love him, but don't do it in a begging fashion. I bet he has been thinking of the bad times mainly, I call this up from personal experience. When I broke up with my girlfriend it was because of fighting and arguing just like with you two. All I could think about was the bad, it fogged up all the good times we had. But then me and my girlfriend had a long talk, she reminded me about all of the good times we had, just laying together, not having a care in the world. And about a week after that talk it hit me. But sadly in that time she had gotten over me, and I'm in the situation I am in now. But enough about me. You should talk to him about the good times you've had, then give him some time, and I bet he'll come around.
Author faith82 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 HI..well I called him today and i was really nervous he wouldnt pick up. He sounded a little nervous too and we made small talk for a little bit and i asked if we could meet up sometime soon. He agreed to meeting me. WHich is a HUGEEEEEEEE relief cuz i was afraid he wouldnt meet up bc he didnt care. I asked him if he was still really mad..and he just said i dunno a little i guess. I mentioned if he had nothing to say to me then there was no point in meeting up. He just said it was just a little akward and didnt really know what to say when we meet up. He just said we will have to see but hes willing to hear me out. Im thinking if he really wanted to be with me and missed me during the NC he would have said I have stuff to say to you too? Or am I just being way too paranoid. Is this moving in a good direction? WOuld he just meet up with me and say hes willing to hear me out if he didnt care at all or still had feelingS? pls give me your best input. I have a couple more days till i have to meet up..i dont know waht to say or do yet. I would love it if you guys could give me some advice and your opinion on the conversation i had w. him. thanks!
Davey McG Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Hi Faith Its hard to say but the fact that he is meeting up with you is a positive sign. He sounds like he still cares about you but is unsure about whether pursuing a relationship with you is the right course of action. Its hard to second-guess these things and you may not get a definate answer when you see him, but give him space and understand that he may a bit cautious about resuming a relationship with you. He's probably protecting himself and might feel stupid that he let you get away with so much when you were together. I wish there was a yes/no answer, but only he knows that - but the fact he wants to meet with you and hear you out is positive. At least thats what I think
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