FlamencoMan Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Hey all, I am a 19 year old college student with an aim at premed and a music major (Note the user name ) however it seems that the focus of my life for 7 months now has been a break up for a relationship that lasted 1 year and 3 months. I do not intend to bog this post with meaningless details, but here is my breakdown: I began dating this very attractive girl in high school. She is a year younger than me, and I went off to college in New York making this a fairly long distance relationship. I had a pretty bad year at college, grew very homesick and hated the weather; I applied to transfer in December and got into a college much closer to home and much smaller as well. Our relationship lasted until March when her birthday rolled around and I made another visit to her. I bought her nice things, spent time with her etc. but couldn't help but feel that she was avoiding me, and any intimate contact, to be discrete. Well, at the END of the week, she dumps me because 'we grew distant', 'had both changed' and 'should meet new people' -- and I go through a cosmic meltdown of epic proportion. I cry my face out, start smoking cigarettes, stop working out... all of it. Was it just me or did those reasons ring of bull****? 3 weeks after she dumped me, she began dating mr. smiles, a tall, long haired muscular asshat. (Not that I'm in bad shape myself, I'm just -- well, resentful) Now she's in a long distance relationship with him. Ironic. It turns out she decided to go to where I transferred to, although I made certain not to let her know about my situation, even while we were dating for fear of her decision being influenced by mine. There's irony for you. After the breakup I did it all, I got really into athletics and music, partied every weekend, got good grades, read so many books, grew my hair out, went traveling, got a job, cared for foster animals... but I still feel like crap, and here I am at a new college having a blast but still laying down every night feeling like I did 7 months ago. My subconscience keeps telling me I want to be friends with her, but as a rule I did not talk to her after the break up. I Im-ed her the other day and realized how stupid she was though... On the whole she seemed very uninterested in speaking with me. Here, however, are my questions to ye seasoned lovers: When will this pain go away? (The answer seems obvious 'when you get over her' but geez, give me a clue here) Am I pathetic for wanting someone who rejected my dearest love back? Why did she get over it so fast, and why am I still licking my wounds? Do you think she still feels it like I do? Or is she really a cold hearted bitch, and should I damn her to Hell? Thanks...
Reactor Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 When will this pain go away? (The answer seems obvious 'when you get over her' but geez, give me a clue here) A study showed men actually take longer to get over a relationship than women, I hate to say it but on average a man who dated for 3 months often mourns the loss of his ex for at least 5-6 months. In your case I'd say its going to be a while, a long time. You've already done 7 months, I'd say you probably have another 7 to go. Of course this is dependent on you, my ex broke up with me 4 months ago and I still miss her now and again, although I'm gradually getting over her (the thoughts of other men still hurt me of course, but you mustn't think like this - shes no longer with you, so it doesn't matter who she sees or doesn't see). Am I pathetic for wanting someone who rejected my dearest love back? Not at all. I wanted the same for a while, hell I'd still probably take my ex back if she pulled on the right strings. But more than likely she won't and I wouldn't let her. But no, this is nothing to be ashamed of, its only natural to feel like this when you're in love. Why did she get over it so fast, and why am I still licking my wounds? Because in her mind she justified why it was over to her, regardless of what was good about you she didn't want you. It was easier for her because she came to terms with what she had to do while she was still dating you. Hence, it wasn't as painful to her to end it. And it was easier for her to move on. Do you think she still feels it like I do? Or is she really a cold hearted bitch, and should I damn her to Hell? Maybe, maybe not. Lets put it this way if she really couldn't be without you she would of called you. So I'd say...its best off not to bother about what she feels and what she wants. Shes made it clear she doesn't want you as a partner, only as a friend. You have to do what I hate doing, you have to forget. Most of the people I've spoken to never ever really 100% forget, they just kind of put it to the back of their minds and think about something else. Missing someone and love are only a states of mind after all. You shouldn't let your emotions 'guide' you, when you miss someone soooo much that you have to contact them or think about them, thats emotion clouding your judgement, you need to learn to control it. I do understand what you're going through, I'm going back to the UK soon and I'm moving just an hour away from my ex, I just hope that we don't ever, ever see one another again. Best of luck, Reactor
blueladybird Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Hey I know just how you are feeling. I am a pretty female (if i dare say so myself..lol).so i can confidently say that ur ex is not a nice person. As a girl, she should have been more sensitive to your feelings. I remember some years ago, when I was about 17 years, I broke up with my boyfriend who was 19....i liked someone else..neverthless i guess i would not have left my ex if he had not been cheating on me...so even though i dumped him via text..which was wrong( we were together for over a year), I only had the heart to do so cos he has cehated on me with several people. I myself, am going thru a break up. He is so cold to me..i cant understand what happened to all the care and everything we shared. so number 1- NO U R NOT PATHETICE FOR WANTING SOMEONE BACK, someone who rejected your love. you are simply human...she broke up with you, meaning you still loved her...as a good guy should..so y shud u not feel like you want her back? Nevertheless, you need to pick urself up..its hard but u need to actually say to yourself..' im goin to move on from this girl'....u dont have to forgte about her..u cant do so anyway all in one day..u hsve to learn to live withlout her. See, relationships esp at a young age are all phases...when you are married you will look back and think to yourself...whay were you gettin so beat up. She will regret it one day, cos one day her and her new love wills split..unless they get married. But pls dont act like you;e been waitin for her...just be a man about it...as hard as it is she got over it so fast cos she replaced you! Easy..her affections are being poured somewhere else, whilst you are alone..thinkn bout her. Find some1 to chill with if you can..no rebound relationships cos it may make you think bout her more..but 7 months is a while...as time pases, trust me, u wil get better!!! Iv been there..i was left my my ex love, i couldnt live..it hurt so much. for months i wud cry everyday....it got better..after 2 years..he came back to me..but i didnt take him back. he has to work his way there..cos im worth it! you sound like such a good guy.... She is not a bitch..she simply has not much regard for your feelings at the moment as she is carried way with her new love..but i always say this..he who laughs last, lauhs longest. u really need to move on..i know it sounds annoying cos ur wondering to yourself..' how do i move on'? but time helps...plus somedays you may feel really down..other days you may feel fine..its flucntuautes. Perhaps you sub consciously think you will get back..so you still connect yourself to her, think bout her..waitign for her to come back thyou...PLSS dont do that....watver will be will be.....dont contact her..just learn to live without her...its hard i know...but with time...plusss get laid.lol. ok, u dont need to, but find some chic to chill with..
tanbark813 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 When will this pain go away? It varies from person to person but it will go away eventually. Go rent or buy Swingers. Am I pathetic for wanting someone who rejected my dearest love back? Of course not, man, we've all been there. Why did she get over it so fast, and why am I still licking my wounds? Well you don't know if she's completely over it. Her having someone else now is probably helping or, more accurately, serving as a distraction. A FlamecoMan patch, if you will. Also, she was probably already dating Mr. Smiles when she broke up with you. Do you think she still feels it like I do? Maybe, maybe not, but will either answer make you feel any better?
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