She says "We're probably not gonna go out again"

[Brownie0915]

Me and my gf went out for a little under a year, and things were great, but over the relationship i became this guy that never took her out and invited her places. I did these things in the beginning but they faded as the relationship went on, I dont know what my problem was and didnt even realize i was doing it.

 

1 month from our one year, she broke up with me saying she wasn't happy anymore and she didn't want to be with me any more. The next month was hell. Filled with me being depressed. I called her all the time and asked her to be with me again but she just wasnt having it. I was pathetic i realize now. 1 month after the break up we suddenly started hanging out again and one week after that we were together again.

 

Things were going good. I was happy again and taking her out and being with her all the time. I changed and she told me she loved me for that. I was doing exactly what she wanted. But that spark that she used to have for me wasn't there. She wouldn't just go in for the kiss anymore and i had to make a significant effort to go in for a kiss on her. Things were getting weird, and a few weeks later, we didnt talk all weekend and she called me and ended things for good.

 

She said its just not working and she didn't want to be with me. I asked her if she thought we would ever go out again and she said "Probably not". That killed me inside, but she is a girl that never knows what she wants so i still have a little hope, but im confused on if i should or not. Those are some pretty serious and harsh words i see now. But she says she still loves me and cares about me but we just dont work. she says im her best friend and she doesn't know what she would do with out me because i'm always there for her no matter what. it's really hard being her best friend knowing that she doesn't want me and i want her tho.

 

Over the past 2 weeks we went from talking everyday to an occational text in the mornings talking about random stuff. I'm still in love with this girl and have a lot of feelings for her still, but i lay in bed at night for hours thinking about her and through out the day i do also. She says that it would be immature to not talk to her any more but does it really matter?

 

I dont' know what to do, please help...if theres no chance then i just want to move on and not think about her all dau, but she writes on my facebook wall and texts me usually in the mornings when shes in class, so i start my days off thinking about her.

 

Any feedback would be greatly appreciate!

[norajane]

I'm sorry, but it sounds like the 'spark' died out on her part.

 

I'd say move on. It's far easier to move on if you don't have contact all the time, since you're still in love with her. Who cares if she thinks that's immature. You're the one who is hurt by this break-up, so you do what you have to do to get her out of your mind all the time. Maybe once you've healed, you can get back in touch and try to be friends, but at this point, contact is just re-opening the raw wound, and keeping your hope alive.

 

Besides, do you really want to be her 'friend' when you find out she has started dating someone new? Or do you want to be as far away from that as possible?

 

And it will be far easier for you to become interested in someone else once you are no longer hoping and pining away for her.

[FlamencoMan]

Well, I feel for you man, for what it's worth... heh.

 

While I'm also going through some rough times, I can only truly advise to you what has worked for me, so here goes:

 

Forget her. There are many fish in the sea, as it were, and life is too short to waste it on dumb bitches that make you life Hell. Work on hobbies. Don't have any? Get some. Exercise, it makes you feel 10 times better and self confident.

 

Facebook causing you trouble? It caused me very much as well, I would always check her profile and see her new boyfriend charming her and it hurt me to no end. I got really drunk then blocked her, and after about a week of regretting it, I felt ten times better.

 

By the way, if I haven't made it clear, the very difficult decision you'll have to make here is to leave her behind. She, as your post is making it painfully clear, is only causing you troubles.

 

Call your phone service provider and have her blocked!

 

Listen to 'I will survive' over and over again.

 

Watch the movie 'Swingers', with Vince Vaughan. It's about a man out of a 6 year relationship and his path to enlightenment. It will improve your life and put you to sleep.

 

Forget her and realize that life goes on and that this was just the first chapter of many in your amazing life -- Well, that's a decision you're going to make now I suppose...

 

Still here and wanting to help.

[Trialbyfire]

I always love the argument of maturity, so the other party feels better about themselves or gets what they want from you.

 

This is now your time to heal. You owe her nothing. If in the future, when you have no negative or positive emotions for her, this would be the time to consider if she's worth being friends with or not.

 

If you keep in contact with her, you will continue to hope. Shut it down and you have the chance to get over her. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will get over her and let her go.

[oppath]

No ****! I love the whole "he's being immature and won't be my friend. Well screw him if he won't be my friend and wants reasons for the breakup. There's no reason we can't be friends."

 

I've gotten that a lot when I've said "I need space." The girls automatic reaction is "that's just silly."

 

"I am going to remove you as my myspace friend because it will be too painful for me to see your photos and I don't want to miscontrue comments from friends or dates of yours. When I'm healed and don't care if you date others, then we can be friends again." = "that is so childish of you."

 

WRONG. It's called protecting yourself and asserting boundaries. You can't be friends. Period. Until much later. Maybe.

 

To the OP: it sucks what you are feeling. But think about it this way: don't you deserve someone who knows what they want? I'd suggest getting angry and having the attitude "I will never take back someone who breaks up with me because I deserve someone who knows they want to be with me."