FooledOnce Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 On a break after 5+ year relationship. Age 25. She went out to the bar with a friend and kissed some random dude at the bar. She came home and told me it was a mistake, she's sorry, but that she wants to take a 'break' and think about things. I was angry and threw her out of our apartment. I didn't see her for 8 days. The first contact she came over and we got along great. She told me she had been crying 'everyday, pretty much non-stop'. I was really nice to her, because I wanted her to still feel welcome in my life even though i was mad at her. That may have been a mistake. Next time I saw her, 6 days later, she seemed to be doing much better. We went wine tasting and had a good time, but I had some wine and asked her to move back in and work on whatever is wrong. She said no then she left pretty quick. NC for last 11 days. Thing is, as time goes on, I'm really getting pissed at her. Kissing some random dude?? She's now on facebook writing cheery messages to people like nothing is wrong. Things were great up until a couple months ago when we moved to a new city and started working opposite shifts. Then we never saw one-another. We talked and decided that we were working too much and needed to make an effort to go on dates together again. Her solution to 'we don't see each other enough' is to see each other less? I'm so angry at times. I wanna yell at her for being so selfish all the time, for taking me for granted, for leaving me on the backburner while she does god-knows what while 'thinking' about us. I wanna tell her that I would have loved her forever, treated her like a princess, and done everything to make her happy, but now she's blown it. She won't even call me so I can yell at her, maybe even dump her for good, how infuriating!! Thing is, I do want her back. I miss her, love her. But how could it even work now? She does this and then disappears for a month? The time to stitch the wound is when it is fresh, not once it's scabbed over.
Author FooledOnce Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 I especially want to yell at her since yelling = crying non-stop missing me and being nice = NC and aparently being cheery. Women, i tell you. They always respond the opposite of logically.
Author FooledOnce Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Sorry to continue the one person conversation, but there's something oddly therapeutic about other people reading my thoughts here {blush}. Dear Diary (jk), She emailed me today and said she really wants to hang out with me again. The general tone of her email was sad and vulnerable and it made me lose lots of my anger. If I were to write her now, i'd be forgiving and sad. I'm going to wait until i think myself up into anger (happens every couple hours) and then write her back. I'm going to tell her that I've been pretty angry at her the last few days and that I want to hang out with her again too, but i'm too hurt and angry right now; maybe I'll be able to see her next week. That will let her know a) how i'm honestly feeling, b) She doesn't just get to determine when we hang out, I have say (power) too, c) I have weekend plans (mom and dad, here i come!) and d) hopefully it will ruin her day. I also found out she has plans for the weekend too. She's taking a trip that she and I had planned previously for Oktoberfest but now she's bringing along 4 friends (who?) instead of me. Makes me wish that the movie Vanilla Sky was real and i could just go back to a month ago and live our lives the way they were supposed to go :-(
NocturnalRaids Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 You might consider taking the infinite frustration, and use it to hardcore think; take philosophy and just random stuff. It helps. Yelling at her might make things worse. It is understandable to be angry. My one and only gf way back made me the angriest I ever been.
fabulousgal Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I'm in a similar situation where I am very angry and I have the opportunity to let him know. I wonder if I will do it though. I don't know what you should do. I agree totally with what you said about the time to stitch the wound is when its fresh, once it begins to scab, and all that confused hurting becomes clear....why is it ok for someone to walk away just like that? It's USUALLY (there are exceptions) not.... Did your ex tell you she had issues before the kiss? Mine never told me he was so on the fence, I had no idea. That pisses me off too!
Msblueyes Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I'm in a similar situation where I am very angry and I have the opportunity to let him know. I wonder if I will do it though. I don't know what you should do. I agree totally with what you said about the time to stitch the wound is when its fresh, once it begins to scab, and all that confused hurting becomes clear....why is it ok for someone to walk away just like that? It's USUALLY (there are exceptions) not.... Did your ex tell you she had issues before the kiss? Mine never told me he was so on the fence, I had no idea. That pisses me off too! Mine never told me, but made comments to MY girlfriends WHO he just met about how he couldn't wait "TO BE FREE" regarding moving out. Lame excuses, your place is too small...because I live on the best street of my town with a wonderful view/atmosphere & character. I think he just thinks he can take his pick of women now that he's left rehab. I sit & deviate between knowing he's a convected felon with drug charges, an addict for life, no car, no place of his own, just wanting to explore the universe that I brought him into and now he just got on his feet with my help, again, and NEEDS HIS SPACE...my ass. Oh I could go on & on, but deep in my heart, because I'm stupid "in love" with him, I still wish it could be me he eventually realizes is his love. I know I've got to let him figure it out. And go on like he's not going to be my boyfriend anymore. Oh the feelings suck. But I can't keep bringing up the past to him if we ever get back together. Last night, I went & got my hair chopped off, again. It looks fabulous & he told me I should take a Karate class. Imagine that. Like I want to be trained to floor someone. I don't think knowing how to slam someone is in my best interest with this anger/sadness/moods. Oh, god help me.
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