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I was wondering how you all are doing today with the NC?


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Posted

I dont actually know... i think between 1-2 months.

 

im doing okay.. but the main thing hovering over my head is "will she ever contact me" im not sure whos court the balls in. but i feel that i should leave it up to her to contact me.

Posted

Hi Always,

In response to your question in the above post, I've been in NC this time for the past 3 weeks. I don't know if I have a strong conviction or a lot of pride. My ex broke up with me. Long story short, she was allegedly head over heels about me but never told me her circumstances about her ex. Well, she lied about it. She initially advised me she broke up with him several months before meeting me. As time progressed, he seemed to always be coming around her house. He found out about me and started asking her questions and wanted to know about me.

 

I began to feel as if I was the outcast or I was with a person that was married or still with somebody and we were going behind his back.

 

She ended up breaking up with me saying she still had issues to deal with, with her ex. I'm pretty confident that she broke up with him only a week or two before she met me.

 

I was pretty angry that she led me on then walked all over me.

 

Nonetheless, I haven't heard from her. Things seemed like they were really over as I think she ran back to her ex eventhough, he cheated on her and constantly lied to her. At this point, I don't expect her to conatct me unless she gets dumped on again by him and he starts treating her like trash again. Can't say I'd ever trust her after waht she did to me.

 

I had a previous relationship where I maintained NC. It's been 1 1/2 years and I never heard back from her. Saw her once at a restaurant but, I didn't even acknowledge her. She asked me for $5000.00 a month so she could maintain her lifestyle!! She was just a materialistic pig. I don't miss her at all and didn't care if I ever saw or spoke to her again.

 

So, I guess from my recent experiences, I never had NC prompt somebody to contact me.

Posted

Today makes it 3 months since we broke up and 1 month of NC. I don't have the desire to contact the ex ever again. You can read my story in my thread in Coping (29, Coping, but don't think I can ever look at another man). The first 2 months I broke NC and kept starting all over again, but the last month of NC has helped the most.

 

I still wake a lot of morning and replay the last 6 month of the relationship, but it always ends in resentment, and me kicking myself for not leaving. Then I console myself, I am human with feeling and this is apart of it.

 

Bottom line, I never ever plan on ever contacting him again and don't think I would even speak if I saw him. I mean he chose to cut me out of his life and was not straight forward about it which caused me a lot of grief. So nothing else needs to be said. People don't do things to themselves that will make them unhappy so he is happy when I don't contact him. It's dead and there is absolutely nothing I can do.

Posted

I went almost three weeks of NC before I heard that he wanted to contact me and was scared to reach out. I reached out to him instead, and we had a good long talk. At the time I felt that it gave me a lot of conclusion, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get. I'm glad that I did it, because I learned a lot of what he wasn't able to tell me before, but I'm worried that I'm experiencing a setback. I don't want to break down and start contacting him all the time, especially since I told him I can't handle a friendship right now.

 

As for whether NC has done any good for me, I think it has. I've discovered a lot about myself in exploring my feelings for my ex without him involved. I still love him, but I don't trust him anymore, and it makes me sad that things have come to this. I've learned that I can cope, even if sometimes it seems like I'm not doing that good of job. As for the difference it's made in my ex, me not being there telling him what I think all of the time finally gave him a chance to think for himself, and he acknowledged that I was right in a lot of the things I had observed in him. Whether or not that's made a difference in how he feels for me is still inconclusive, since he's working through a lot of depression and he doesn't even know how he feels about himself.

 

I hope that eventually we can work through these problems. I don't know how to regain my trust in him, and I don't know how long it will take him to work through his depression. I know that I don't want to be with him so long as it's still an issue, because I want him to be emotionally healthy before he tries to tackle any problems we have as a couple. I'm full of conflicting emotions, because I recognize it's better to be away from him, and yet my heart pulls me close to him.

 

As you can see, today isn't the best day for me as far as security. I can't make up my mind, and I really miss him. I want to call him or write him, but I'm holding out because I know I'll thank myself tomorrow.

Posted

For me the strategy of NC is to get oneself to a point of healing so that he/she is stronger and does not allow themselves to be taken in again by someone who has caused them so much grief. It is not about getting them to miss you so much that they want to ask you back into their lives. You see, you cannot change people attitudes. If you have been treated poorly and dumped on, chances are that if you get back with them, once the feeling of reconnection wears off, they will get back to treating you as before. At least that has been my experience with this guy. I believe that we should all take this period of NC to kick the feelings of vulnerability from our hearts so that we may be stronger to prevent these persons from treating us like dirt. For me, I don't want him back at all. He had a good woman in me and he chose to abuse this position. I have done nothing wrong to him and in exchange for my love and affection he choses to cheat on me. We all deserve better and should not settle for less. Having these people back in our lives will only give us short lived happiness. It won't be long before they start their old habits all over again. So for me this period of NC is about find myself all over again, regrouping and getting ready for someone to walk into my life who will treat me with respect and dignity. He was my "meantime" relationship and now his journey in my life is over. On to the next chapter......:)

Posted

I have not tried to contact him for a year. Although, he tried to wish me happy birthday a couple of months ago, but I told him it was better to just stop contacting each other since we had both moved on.

 

NC has helped me alot. My life has completely changed over the past year and that has helped me forget about him. I still think about him when I"m down, but realize that it just wasn't meant to be.

Posted

ex broke NC this morning, when he sent me an email with a few pictures of a place we'd been together, weeks before the breakup.

i didn't reply, but i an angry now. it seems everytime i try to step away from him, he must do something to bring me back.

 

hell, that's fu**ing sick!

Posted

I'm doing much much better now. I do still think of her, but I am no longer hurting. I would say I am nearly over the situation. I'm still going to give myself a couple more months before I start dating again.

Posted

Those of you in NC and still getting contact and wish they weren't and those of us in NC and wishing to get contacted aren't.. If only the tables could be turned.:eek:

Posted

This is the 4th day of NC, this time he finally leaves me alone and not contacting me, but I feel so sad, I couldn't even control my emotion at work, had to run to bathroom so I could cry. I cry when I go to bed, I cry when I wake up, I don't want to talk to any of my friends, just want to stay at home and cry. It is just get worse and worse, I don't know how I can get over this. Now I have to get on this site at work, so I can let it out. It hurts me so much that I don't know if I can take it anymore.

Posted

Iv been NC for 2 weeks, i broke it yesterday!! Stupid me, sent him a message saying that i learnt from our split that i should not argue too much etc. I guess i was analsying stuff and because of the position i am, wanted to make sure i had cleared up any apparent 'faults' of mine. Shouldnt have....he is so cold to me. HE replied, but very short. wow.

I guess its back to NC for ever now.

im done crying day in and day out for 2 week now. im worth much more than all this.

Posted
Those of you in NC and still getting contact and wish they weren't and those of us in NC and wishing to get contacted aren't.. If only the tables could be turned.:eek:

 

it ain't that simple, dear

my ex dumped me, then came back, asking me to be his friend with benefit. he tried to hurt me every way he could, and eventually succeeded.

his attempts at contacting me when i decide for NC only show his will to control me and my life, to see what i'm doing, and maybe to see if i'm doing fine without him (of course i'm not, but i'm not willing to show).

Posted

You guys give me hope. I want to regain my self respect. I broke NC AGAIN and it' killing me. Nothing is going to change if I don't make the effort. I am going to find the strength somehow, somewhere. It's true what MattyTee wrote: it brings you down EVERYTIME! I know from experience. I am doing this to myself.. time and time again.

Posted

well into my third month, and have a very strong urge to break NC this morning. even got a little upset. geez i wish this would end.

 

not helped as i've been ill this week and pretty much been on my own.

 

maybe its just because i'm down or something, and i know it wont do me any good. no good at all, she wasnt even good for me when i was with her, so why should i want to break NC. but my heart wants to....bloody thing.

 

had all the best intentions today, getting up early, was gonna join that gym, jump start my life again. but my batteries seem flat today.

 

sometimes wonder how much of this i can take.

Posted

Another day of waking up and reaching for the phone, before slapping myself into submission. This will be my 7th day - I feel like such a wuss ;)

There's a part of me that just wants to get a straight answer for once. The last conversation I had with her was her telling me that she would pursue a new relationship if she met someone she liked ... but that who knows if we could work things out. She lists all the things she wants in her "next" partner (in a way that makes it clear that's not me) and follows it by saying "so that's something to think about if you want to be with me again". Ugggh heart breaking every day ...

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