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I was wondering how you all are doing today with the NC?


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Posted

how long has it been? and where are you in your progress of your break ups?

i wish you all well and a calm and peaceful day.

 

Aloha.

Posted

I'm not doing well at all. I got pushed away in my relationship even though I was the one to officially end it. My ex had checked out emotionally and had been avoiding me. To weak, scared or just not able to end it, I did thinking it would ultimately keep us together.

 

Since then nothing. And from what I hear, she seems happy again. I can't describe how crap I feel knowing that. I just want a chance to talk with her.

 

NC may work, but in some cases the other person actually wants you to go NC so you leave them alone and they don't have to face up to why they want to end the relationship.

 

Seriously, how many people have had success in getting their other back into their lives as opposed to simply being honest with them and saying you want them back or to try again.

Posted

Today I mailed out the CD with his photos from my computer. I then texted him twice and ended up calling.. It was actually pleasant, I acted like it was normal conversation but I realize now I want to cry. He wants to be friends, I feel like I want to crawl into his arms...

 

So, NC: broke it after 3 days. Starting over..

Posted

Its been a full 3 months and counting!

 

All emails have been deleted. All objects given by her have been stored away or thrown out.

 

I even made an origami sail boat out of a twenty dollar bill and I'm taking it pictures of it with my computer screen behind it for fancy backgrounds.

(I know this makes no sense, but it's fun!)

Posted

i'm on day 36, still unhappy about it. :mad:

Posted

I'm almost at 4 weeks. I'm also new to this site. I feel pretty good today and I'm beginning to finally understand why I'm doing it. I have really had to ask myself some hard questions. I also know that having contact will put me in a very bad place right now. If nothing else I feel a sense of accomplishment that I'm not allowing myself to be disrespected everyday that I stay in NC

Posted

Could be worse.

 

Where I work, a new girl started that looks almost exactly like the person with NC.

 

I had to laugh because its funny.

Posted

Erm, 4 days ... and it's not nice ;)

 

We actually broke up 7 weeks ago now but I tried my best to be there for her as a friend. It was tearing me apart when I got a friendly email back because I'd be asking myself if it meant anything. Then the next week I get no reply at all ... and whoops heart breaking again! I wrote her a letter to explain I needed some time and space to heal (which I did post here). In the end only guys responded to it (was hoping for female input) but the consensus was to not post it - if there are any patient ladies on the site who wouldn't mind looking at the letter then do please let me know.

 

So, I talked to her on MSN 4 days ago (was a long distance relationship - although for 8 years all-in) and explained I needed to spend some time healing. I got a lot of stuff from her including things like there were very few good times and the relationship wasn't good for her. Then a list of things she wanted in the next "someone" she would be with. Followed by "So that's something to think about if you want to be with me again". She then proceded to tell me that if she met anyone she liked she'd pursue a new relationship. That hurt like nothing I've felt before - because it's not that long since we broke up and she seems totally over me already! I recently found out that she's joined an online dating site and is "looking for love". So, erm back to the point ... 4 days and in agony :(

Posted

Managed 2 days so far, even though I intended to go NC in earnest today. I feel ilke such a wimp and I bet she thinks I am too.

Posted

What is happening finally for me is that I'm realizing that having NC means NC period. NO IM, text, calls, meetings etc. etc. It took about 2 weeks after the breakup to get to the NC. The only way I would ever break NC now is if they actually want to come and talk without any Bull**** and that ain't gonna happen. So everyday I have the priviledge of knowing that I am not being disrespected anymore because she can't mess with me if I ain't there.

Posted

Yeah, I think finding some respect for yourself is important. People keep saying to me that it's me time, but when things are so raw and close ... it's hard.

 

Still, I'm working hard on myself. Working out, reading a lot, have started therapy. So, we'll see :)

Posted

You'll get through it. It's like alot of people say on this site, if they dump you then they don't want to be with you. It's pretty clear but hard to take at first. After some NC and distance you might just find out that you don't want them anymore either. It's heading that way for me. This is after 6 years with the same person, but I know I can move on and hopefully gain some knowledge from the relationship so that I don't take the same crap into the next relationship, which I do plan on having again someday.

Posted

Yeah, although on a day-to-day basis it can be hard to feel like you'll get through! :(

I'm probably going to eat my words in a few months but I think sometimes a break-up can be extremely healthy, even for two people that could go on to have a great relationship. In my case both of us were fairly unhappy people individually and we were unable to support each other and be stable like that. She doesn't want to be with me "the way things were" but when you still have love and perhaps also a lot of time behind you then ... well who knows eh ... I'm letting go but with an air of optimism, how does that sound ;)

Posted

This is the first day of my new NC, tried couple times in the last 2 months, but failed. My problem is that he dumped me, but he doesn't want to break up, still calls me often, and want to hang out with me while he is seeing other woman, and he insists they are just friends. Even yesterday he insists that we could be friends, and we have a shared account, he won't give me a check for my part cause he said that we would still do things together. I plan to not answering his calls at all this time, but I don't know how long I can do it. I am going crazy here, cause I still love him, even though a lots of people say I deserve better, but love is blind, and we have been together 2 years. It is so hard, I still cry a lot.

Posted

Hey Hope,

 

I really feel for you. I cry a lot too! I'm on my 5th day today of no contact and it's agony. In my case though she isn't contacting me so I don't have to deal with that side of things. I don't really have much experience with this but from what I've read on here the most important thing now is to spend some time taking care of yourself - thus the no contact. I know that's the last thing in the world you want to hear (I've been stubbornly ignoring that advice for weeks ;)) but little-by-little you can rebuild your strength. While he's constantly contacting you then you are going to be brought back down every time. The period of no contact will be good for him too - he'll get some perspective on what has happened and it might change how he sees things.

Stay strong.

Posted

It's been almost three weeks for me. The relationship wasn't years but, I felt extremely close to her and thought all of her words to me actually meant something. Guess I was wrong. I've been in this spot before and in the past, I felt pretty strong and moved on well. This time, things are really eating away at me. I feel as if I no longer have the confidence, self esteem etc... to get through as I did in the past. I'm maintaining NC and honestly don't think I'll contact her.

 

I guess the circumstances just felt like a real slap in the face. One minute, I feel glad that I'm not with someone that was deceitful and dishonest, the next minute, I'm angry at her for doing what she did and the next, I feel real depressed.

 

I realize "Life goes on". I just didn't expect to be where I'm at right now.

Posted

About 4 months now. Its not easy, even after this amount of time, but it does get easier, I promise you all!

 

I guess its really hard for me because it was my first proper relationship. I also found my ex sexually attractive and never got to act upon it, which I think hurts even more because I never ever got to express my feelings for her in a physical way.

 

And ncpd25, I know just how you feel. I'm moving to within an hour of my ex very soon, I just hope she doesn't take this oppurtunity to re-contact me. Because she knows the same people I do. :( Sometimes I think its easier to disappear altogether, but why should I loose contact with friends because she happens to know them too?

 

-Reactor

Posted

Lets see its been...a full month. We went out for about 3 years and left me about 2 months ago.

 

I'm very proud of myself and I think I was able to do this because I deleted all my affiliation with her. Myspace, Xanga, and AIM. I attempted the first month but realize I couldn't move on with all of her bulletins, blog updates and signing on to AIM. School has been a big thing for me to move on, the girls around me are all very caring and understanding. Hopefully everyone is doing well.

Posted

Day one starting today. I agree with something I read a while back about feeling like you they will be lost to you further with NC. It's as if I feel the need to remind him I am here. I spoke to him briefly yesterday and then he replied to my text (about nonsense) but now it really seems like it's done. Before there was the drama , we slept together, there was contact.. he told me he was still in love with me.

 

Our last conversation I asked him again,"Please tell me and I will leave you alone, I want to hear you say it", he hesistated and said he wasn't in love with me anymore.

 

I am still in denial but I am starting NC again. One day at a time.When will this sink in and when will I be ok?

Posted

Its kinda day one for me, things are rough. They are not completely done, she asked for time to think, so I'm going to respect that. I guess each day gets a bit easier, I dont feel the need to break down and call her and beg anymore. I've kinda changed to the attitude of if things workout, its a bonus because i dont think it will happen. Although in my AOL away message today, it just said "At work Wow"....clearly in reference to her removing her relationship status all together, which was a shock, at least it was not to single i guess. Her away read "stupid away messages..." I can only assume it was an attack at me, is that NC...im going to stop putting personal things in my away messages.

Posted

Its actually been 4 days. I have tried this NC so many times before but always break it when he contacts me. This time I have to keep the NC, I have no choice. On Saturday morning at about 2am he showed up home and insisted that I open up for him. I repeatedly told him no and he threatened to break down the door. I stupidly opened the door as I have two small kids and could not risk being without a front door at 2am. He was calm at first and when I told him he cannot come by like this that it was over between us (he is seeing another woman she's 21 am 38) that I am stepping out of the picture so he can be with her, he flew into a rage and started throwing things around. When he was done, my furniture was broken, my kids were up and screaming, his friends had to come to forceably remove him from the house, my family had to come by and I had to call the police. I subsequently dropped the charges as I just did not want to face him in court. I felt that this would be prolonging the argony that I felt. I love him with all my heart, but I know that although he says he love me, he cannot be faithful to me. So, NC is hard especially with two small children that we have together, but it is the only way to move on.

Posted

well all I am reading here is posts from people for which NC hasn't worked (yet) to win her/him back, but definetely it has helped to the process of healing from the breakup. Which is what NC is supposed to be.

Of course, those who had good results with NC, in terms of getting the other back, are not longer in this site but enjoying the time with their loved ones, but it would be nice to hear from somebody who actually got his/her exs back by maintaining NC.

 

For me it has been 11 days NC, except for a brief encounter in the building exchanging 4 words (like how are you? how things are going? and I asked to call me. Never did) and a weird txt mesg from her best friend and a weird 2AM call from her best friend also which to me appear very strange as this person has never called me before and why would she call me at 2AM?

I am still suffering and still not sure if she is doing the same with me (NC) because it was me asking her to be friend and when she called last time I cut the conversation. I am confused but starting to feel stronger as I know that at least I am walking out of her life with dignity.

Posted

oh! by the way, does anybody have a good suggestion on how I can find out if she is doing NC with me or it is just that she is over me and moved on?

 

Thanks,

Posted

well, let me think

 

he dumped me 2 months ago, but kept texting me, emailing me and stuff, saying he was worried for me and wanted to know i was ok.

in august, i went on NC a couple of times, which he kept breaking with text and emails.

in september, after a few unpleasant emails from him, i went NC again, which lasted a couple of weeks. then he came to my place to bring me the things i had left at his house and eventually take his stuff back.

now NC again since sunday. he still texts me in the morning or sometimes in the evening but i never reply. hope it works this time.

Posted

4 days. i wonder if he even thinks of me.

 

what are the chances of NC getting people back tgt? there still has to be an element of love from your partner for it to work right?

 

i dont understand how a person can get bored/lost his/her love for someone so easily. maybe cos i havent experienced it :/

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