scared007 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 This is the deal. Over 40 adults, dating for a couple years, 6 months into the aftermath of him cheating on me with his psycho ex-wife. Well, 6 months into the aftermath of her providing me proof of the cheating allegations that she told me about all along. I thought we'd set the boundaries. I took him back, told him the only way I could be comfortable is if he forwarded to me/shared with me any and ALL communication with her. Supposedly, she is the one that always initiated all the contact. For a while, he was forwarding me the text messages, the emails, the IM's. Then, they slowly stopped. I assumed that SHE had stopped, finally. A week ago, he got a text message from her. I just happened to be with him. He shook his head with apparent disgust, and shared the synopsis (supposedly) of the text. She was inviting him over to visit. And, I learned from our subsequent talk about it all, that he'd received "a few" texts from her in the last couple weeks. I knew nothing about them. I was angry and appalled that he'd not kept up his end of our bargain. He said he understood, but felt that the supposed infrequent communications from her were "inconsequential." I reminded him, yet again, that NOTHING to do with her is inconsequential to me. He agreed, yet again, to share with me any and all contact from her. Fast forward a week. His birthday. It would surprise the pants off me if she DIDN'T contact him in some way, due to his birthday. But he hasn't mentioned it. I'd bet a paycheck on the fact that she did, but he hasn't volunteered the information. Other things have happened, over the course of the last 6 months while we've tried to rebuild this...like a late night text from a distant co-worker that he explained as "must have just been a mistake or intended for someone else." Do you think him not sharing with me any and all contact from her, like we had originally agreed upon, is an indication that he's hiding more from me? I'm not going to ask him if he heard from the psycho ex on his birthday, until I see him again, when I intend to ask for his phone so that I can see for myself. Which, he's already agreed, is fully my right at any time. What do you think? Am I paranoid?
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Chances are, he's also contacting her. He hasn't done ANYTHING to really tell her goodbye, it's over, move on, we're exes...No point in staying intouch (Unless they share children together, then she is going to be around forever)... Were you, by chance the OW while he was married to her? Just asking...
confused39 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 No, they were divorced when I met him. They don't share children. And I found out yesterday that he did it again - my suspicions were correct, she texted him on his birthday, but contrary to our agreement AGAIN, he didn't share it with me. I don't get it.
Whyme_wtf Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 OK...I am a bit back and forth on this one. He did cheat, but I am unsure based on the short thread if he is doing all he can or all that has been asked to heal it for you. He cannot control someone sending him a text. Change the number, it is only $15. I will spring for it if needed. Then you will know for sure if they arrive again. Stop the madness and just do something smart instead of controlling.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 confused: Why is he still in touch with his ex-wife? Do they have children together? If they don't...why are they in touch still? The fact that he cheated on you with her makes contact with her a big fat no-no. I don't think you're being paranoid. He cheated on you. That's bound to make anyone a little suspicious of their SO (especially considering that he hasn't been forthcoming about her texts).
norajane Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Changing the cell number is a good idea. Except that, if he's replying to her, he's choosing to maintain contact - and to lie about it to you. You could also break up with him, you know. Why stay with a cheater who doesn't want to do everything he can to rebuild trust?
Whyme_wtf Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 Good question on if there are any children. If not, then there is no way they should be in contact. There is a reason they are ex's. IMO an ex should always be an ex, none of this lets just be friends crap. I have been burned there and it just is not right. If he really wants the relationship with you and loves you, he should be doing everything to make this work seeing he cheated.
Author scared007 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Not only was I not paranoid, but it seems that I was a fool for giving him a 2nd chance. He and ex-wife have still been seeing each other. So, the lesson learned is to always, always, always pay attention to your gut instincts.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Exactly. Dump this guy. Do not take him back.
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