Nial Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Hello guys, First of all, I would like to say that I'm from Brazil and my mother language isn't English. I will try to do my best to make this understandable Well, I used to date a nice girl. We were together for 3 years and we always felt there were something connecting us, stronger than "just" love. It's kind of weird, I can't explain it, she netheir. I don't know what you think about it, maybe something spiritual. The fact is, 1 year ago she broke up with me. She said she was tired to carry our relationship by herself. I agreed in terms, I was a kind of dependent boyfriend with low self esteem, etc. But I know we always did a good match, she loved me so much as I did. I've spent months to rebuild myself, go out, make new friends and etc. About 3-4 months later, we met again. By the result, we got together again. I was different, I really got a lesson with that experience and we had a good start. After 3 months she broke up again, saying we did it too early, she was not ready, not happy with me and etc. This time, I disagreed because I felt I was not the problem there. I suppose she was unhappy with her life and pointed the problem to me (probably unconscious). Anyway, I got back to my single life, stop talking to her, grew up, went out etc. After 5 months, she started to talk to me again via MSN. Just friends talking, no problem. 2 or 3 weeks later, we were kind of flerting. At the beginning, I was liking it because it seemed that the things were starting over again, slowly. Last week, we had a conversation, we both agreed that we are the right people to the other one, but then she said that this is not the right time to get together. She feels that she needs some time to proof herself, to know herself better and etc. I'm kind of confused about it. She said she loves me, we're the right people here (no doubt about it), but we "can't" get together. What are we supposed to do then? I know, it's a bizarre situation. Thanks for your help!
jmargel Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Coming from Brazil, you have very good english. As for your girlfriend what she is doing to you is not fair. I don't know what is going through her head. Is she having family problems? Is she in school? Can I ask your ages? Sounds like she is sort of immature and wants to still experience what is out there. If I were you, I would be very clear to her about not dragging you along if she is not ready for a relationship. It sounds like she wants you to be a safety-net (a backup) while she goes out and continues to have fun. That is not fair to you. Glad you learned from your previous breakup with her and found ways to improve yourself.
Author Nial Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Coming from Brazil, you have very good english. Thank you very much. As for your girlfriend what she is doing to you is not fair. I don't know what is going through her head. Is she having family problems? Is she in school? Can I ask your ages? She has family problems. Her father lives in Canada and really doesn't care about her. Her mother works about 10 hours a day and doesn't give enough attention to her in my opinion. She is in college, she studies Psychology (wich is even confusing to me) but she doesn't work yet. I think she spends too much time at home, alone, doing nearly nothing. You know, when you're in this situation, you put bad thoughts in your mind. I'm 22, she is 20. Sounds like she is sort of immature and wants to still experience what is out there. If I were you, I would be very clear to her about not dragging you along if she is not ready for a relationship. It sounds like she wants you to be a safety-net (a backup) while she goes out and continues to have fun. That is not fair to you. Glad you learned from your previous breakup with her and found ways to improve yourself. I agree with you. Seems she is wanting to "live" out there but have a safety-net. What would you recommend me to do? I was thinking to give me more value and demonstrate it, even to show her I'm not that puppet she used to play. Maybe play hard sometimes. What do you think? Thanks!
jmargel Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I would be up-front with her. With her family problems you are in for a roller coaster ride. Continue working on yourself but the problem is with her. I would have a heart-to-heart talk with her, let her know how much you care about her and then suggest that you've seen a change in her and that perhaps counseling might help her. Let her know that you would go with her as well to help you two get closer together. My ex-fiancee had alot of family problems and I became a punching bag for her. You have to be direct and tell her what you won't tolerate. Let her know that you will be here to listen when she is ready to talk but that you won't allow yourself to be cheated on or disrespected. Women who come from damaged homes and don't get the help they need, often lash out at the closest person to them (their significant other).
Author Nial Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Thanks again jmargel. Your post was very important and opened my mind to this possibility. Seems a very rational path to follow. I think in that way, it won't cause any hard pain and will expose my feelings and intentions about her properly. Will also show her I don't to play a game. Thanks for sharing your past experience!
Recommended Posts