Brooks06 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 So its been a week since my girlfriend of three years walked out on me. I felt like I was going crazy over the weekend. I sat around for two days and stared at my phone before I finally gave in and called. I left her two messages and then sent her an email before I realized I should just give her all the space she needs. She went out of town on Monday and won't be back until Thursday so even if I wanted to I cant call... This is so hard. Our relationship wasnt at a stand still, we were still moving forward and had a bright future. She has been really busy and stressed lately and told me she is just confused and cant handle a relationship right now. We havent talked since the night she broke up with me, but one of her friends called me last night and told me that my girlfriend kept saying how much she loved me and how she feels guilty and has regrets. She also kept saying how she doesnt think this is a permanent break up and that she just wants to know how I am doing. What does this mean? There are so many mixed signals here. And what should I be doing now? Should I go date other people or just hope that she calls? I know that this is killing her...her mom called and told me that she hadnt been home since the breakup and that she just couldnt think straight...is this common for people who end relationships? I need some advice here. I love her so much and no one can replace her, but if and when she calls I dont want to just give in and answer the phone and let her know that what she did was alright with me. I know that we both need space and I am not going to call her anymore, but at the same time I am dying to know what happened. Oh yeah, she talked to my brother and told him that we are just taking a break for a little while...but if she just wanted a break why would she risk loosing me by not telling me its just a break and not calling me at all? She is putting me in an awkward position. This whole thing is just so confusing and I cant figure it out at all. Please share any adivce and let me know what I should be doing right now...one day I really do want to be with her again, i just dont want to ruin my chances by doing something stupid.
Msblueyes Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 It's called limbo. My mom always said, if you don't know what to do, don't do anything at all. I totally understand how you feel but don't know what to say. I haven't gone through a break up in seven years and have no idea how to handle any of this either.
suzy61 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Honestly, I've been exactly where your girlfriend is right now. It's like a watershed point nearly,3 years. I was stressed, working too hard, worrying about work, and suddenly my relationship seemed like something that I just couldn't handle and I didn't know how I felt about him or us or anything. I tried so hard for about 6 months to be normal and make everything work. Eventually it just got too much, and I told him I wanted space. A break. Break up. Whatever. I didn't really care what it was called I just wanted to not have to worry about where it was going and was I doing the right thing, etcetc. Okay, so I got back with him again a couple of weeks later. In hindsight, I think that I should have waited a bit longer. Sometimes now (a year later) I get vague doubts occasionally about what I doing (still). I think that may be just a case of the grass being greener elsewhere, though! just give your girlfriend space. That's all you can do. She'll figure it out and you'll probably get her back, but she's got to make the decision herself. Let her have some time.
ijustwannago Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 you might not ever know what exactly happened. one really hard thing for me was acccepting that i really did not want to see him again and i wasn't intrested in his "why". somethimes we have to find closure on our own. I'm glad to haer that you are going to give it some time and space. it's all still new. try and take care of yourself right now. work out. eat well see your friends. do things that are uplifting. let us know how you are. keep posting. there are great people here and my entire journey has been easier just coming and posting. keep your head up.
directx Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Let her go. Go download 'Happy Days Are Here Again' and browse Internet Porn to remind you what is waiting for you out there. Then invite a bunch of your friends over and tell them you are celebrating all the years you had with her and celebrating a new begining. During the lull times, go to your room and think about what you want in your next girl that your last one didn't have/offer (anal sex, big boobs, long legs, whatever floats your boat, etc) And at least she did this before the holidays. Saves you travel time and buying gifts. Enjoy!
allina Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Let her go. Go download 'Happy Days Are Here Again' and browse Internet Porn to remind you what is waiting for you out there. Then invite a bunch of your friends over and tell them you are celebrating all the years you had with her and celebrating a new begining. During the lull times, go to your room and think about what you want in your next girl that your last one didn't have/offer (anal sex, big boobs, long legs, whatever floats your boat, etc) And at least she did this before the holidays. Saves you travel time and buying gifts. Enjoy! I really like this advice Also sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and remind yourself that it will be okay and that this hurt will pass. But yes, the key to healing is reminding yourself that these is life outside of the relationship and that even if she doesn't come back you will go on and enjoy it.
Green Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I remember when a girl broke up with me last year I did everything wrong in the book, almost... good luck, try to forget about her dont call dont write its the only way. dont look at pictures or visit her webpages if she has any(faceboo/myspa)
Author Brooks06 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 thanks for the advice...i know i have to keep myself from contacting her. i mean do these things ever successfully work out though? Is she feeling guilty and having regrets and telling everyone she stills loves me because she truly does need a break but still wants to get back together at some point?...or is she just saying that because the break up is so fresh on her mind? Its not like her to say things she doesnt mean and from what ive heard she is just as miserable as I am, but is better at pretending things are okay. I guess for now ill just prepare for the worst, but one of my big problems was having little faith in her and I guess maybe I should have a little faith in what she is saying and believe that things will work out. too many mixed signals from her.
Green Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 sure they some times work out, but at this point the best thing to make this work out and getting over her are the same. If you call her or think about her your just going to make yourself a loser. But if you stop calling and truely move on you will become the guy she fell for, and whether she calls you one day out of the blue, or shes totatly out of your life, you need to become that guy again and move foward is if shes gone forever
Author Brooks06 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 okay, so now I really need some advice. Everyone is telling me to move on and stuff and that thats my best chance for not only making myself feel better but for making her realize what she lost...well, one of my buddies invited me to his house (he lives in a big college town, so this weekend is going to be insane) to hang out for the weekend. He said he and his roommates are going to throw three nights of huge parties and that tons of people are going to be in and out all weekend. Should I go and hang out with other girls and just let loose, or should I go and still act like I have a girlfriend? Also, my ex-girlfriend's brother's ex-girlfriend (i know that might be hard to follow) called me last night because she heard my girlfriend and I broke up. When I told her I was going up to the college to visit my friend she begged if she could go and said she had been looking for a ride up there for a week. Would it be wrong to take her? I know it would really piss off my girlfriend, her brother, and basically her whole family but at the same time I know my girlfriend just expects me to sit around and do nothing. I know I have to make her realize that if she doesn't step up and say something that I will move on with my life.
niceguy27 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 So sorry for your pain. A lot of us can relate to how you feel. Take her with you. Have fun. Your ex left you. Keep that in mind. She left you. Just focus on you having fun for the next couple weeks or month. When you get a little bit clearer head, then look back and see if you want to still be with your ex or try to make it work. But you have to grieve first, then focus on healing. You cannot make decisions about the ex when your emotional about things.
Green Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Well its an easy yes to the party if that sounds fun for you, and why in the world would you still act like you have a gf when your there I dont get why you would even ask that, in fact Ill take it one step further and make a rule to yourself not to bring it up your break up with any one all weekend long. As for taking that person who might piss off your gf its up to you, just make sure your reasons for taking her have nothing to do with pissing off ur gf because if that was the driving reason behind it Id say dont.
directx Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 You know, Don't go to the party with someone for the sole intention of pissing of your ex-girlfriend. That's just not cool and its definitley DEFINITELY not fair to the girl you are bringing cause jealousy. Don't be a user of people. People have feelings. And that wouldn't be fair to the girl you are thinking about bringing. First, get it through your head its over and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Meditate, write a letter to vent, whatever. You want to play it like an ace? Go to the party and mingle among the girls. Bring your ex-girlfriend if you can and talk about her really nice, but make it clear it is over between you both. They will A) Appreciate what a classy guy you are for handling your breakup with such maturity and B) They know you are single now. This is what I would do.
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