hasn't called me for over a week

[crazy_grl]

The guy I've been dating hasn't called me for over a week. Last weekend, I told him he should call me and that it makes me wonder whether or not he's interested when he doesn't. He told me he'd be busy, because his friend is coming to visit for 10 days. I said it was okay if he was too busy to call. But I figured he would at least text me or something to assure me he's still interested. Nothing. Can anybody be that busy? How long does it really take to send a text?

 

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now (though I didn't realize it was that long until I looked at the date on my text messages). I was going to just drop it and move on, then a mutual friend told me that he'd said he likes me but doesn't know where we stand (wtf is that supposed to mean anyway). So I figured maybe he needed more assurance or something from me. I sent him a text yesterday morning that just said "hi. how've you been?" He didn't respond and in the evening I sent another one to saying "guess you're still busy. I was hoping you could make time for me cause I've kinda missed you. Hopefully I'll talk to you later. Have a good evening." No answer from him.

 

I don't' get it. He always acted as if he liked me when he was with me. He didn't call very much though. In my previous experience, that's a sign of a guy who's not interested but still willing to take advantage of a girl's interest. That's why I've stopped pursuing guys. There are too many who do that.

 

Why would he tell his friend that he likes me but not put any effort into pursuing me? He would do things like asking me to hang out on sat when he saw me with mutual friends on thurs, but he wouldn't call me to ask before that. I just don't understand his behavior, but I'm thinking he's just not interested in me.

 

Anyone got any enlightening perspectives on this?

[shadowplay]

The guy I've been dating hasn't called me for over a week. Last weekend, I told him he should call me and that it makes me wonder whether or not he's interested when he doesn't. He told me he'd be busy, because his friend is coming to visit for 10 days. I said it was okay if he was too busy to call. But I figured he would at least text me or something to assure me he's still interested. Nothing. Can anybody be that busy? How long does it really take to send a text?

 

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now (though I didn't realize it was that long until I looked at the date on my text messages). I was going to just drop it and move on, then a mutual friend told me that he'd said he likes me but doesn't know where we stand (wtf is that supposed to mean anyway). So I figured maybe he needed more assurance or something from me. I sent him a text yesterday morning that just said "hi. how've you been?" He didn't respond and in the evening I sent another one to saying "guess you're still busy. I was hoping you could make time for me cause I've kinda missed you. Hopefully I'll talk to you later. Have a good evening." No answer from him.

 

I bolded the parts where you crossed the line into needy behavior. That's exactly the kind of thing that would push a guy away. Let him come to you and don't bring it up later if he doesn't call. Or, if you're unwilling to accept his poor communication then drop him. But the worst thing you can do is pester him about not calling because that is guaranteed to push him away.

[crazy_grl]

I bolded the parts where you crossed the line into needy behavior. That's exactly the kind of thing that would push a guy away. Let him come to you and don't bring it up later if he doesn't call. Or, if you're unwilling to accept his poor communication then drop him. But the worst thing you can do is pester him about not calling because that is guaranteed to push him away.

 

I said once after 2 months that him not calling made me wonder whether he was interested. And I said I missed him and wanted to talk to him. That's needy? And asking him how he's been is needy??

 

Any guy who thinks that has issues, and I'd rather not date him.

 

I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and giving him the chance to change his behavior without just dropping him. I think it's unfair to just drop someone without even giving them the chance to meet your expectations.

[crazy_grl]

Freakin' men. Either they say you're playing games or you're needy. How's a girl supposed to do anything right?

[CaliGuy]

Freakin' men. Either they say you're playing games or you're needy. How's a girl supposed to do anything right?

 

CG, if he's like most young guys, he's insecure and doesn't know how to handle a real relationship. You're a pretty girl and I am sure there are a ton of guys out there that would get in line to date you.

 

You don't need to tell this guy to call you. If he's not calling or answering text that's not a good sign. But I know you respect yourself enough to walk away.

 

Enjoy your youth and don't worry about the one that got away. There's always another waiting in the wings

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Nah, that's cool.

 

Maybe he is weirded out with his friends, who knows.

 

Maybe he doesn't want to introduce you to the friends or have the friends know he has a gf if he makes plans with you.

 

Now is up to him, probably when they leave he'll do some.

 

I don't know what you look like, but from your posts I always thought you were cool and smart, not so easy to find.

 

Good luck,

 

Ariadne

[spookie]

Freakin' men. Either they say you're playing games or you're needy. How's a girl supposed to do anything right?

 

I really think that these kinds of men (and there's plenty of them) aren't worth stressing over.

 

Most people over a certain caliber of intelligence are aware of how their actions affect others. Your guy knows that ignoring you for a week is disrespectful and hurtful. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have done that.

 

I don't agree that you should watch your behavior and "not bring it up" like shadowplay suggested. Two months is plenty to know if you care about something as basic as another person's feelings, and you shoudln't just swallow the mistreatment he throws at you and pretend it's cool. He is totally disrespecting you with his actions.

 

If I were you, I would wait for him to get in touch, and then call him out on it. Tell him he's being rude. Tell him you have no intention of playing games, and that you demand courtesy out of your friends and acquaintances.

[crazy_grl]

Just to clarify something that I don't think I got across well. I don't care how often a guy calls me as long as I feel like he's interested in me. I was confused about whether he was, because he wasn't calling. After thinking about what shadowplay said, maybe I didn't get that across very well to this guy, but he could have at least assured me he was interested if he wasn't able to call. He didn't. If he made the assumption that I'm needy because of one simple statement, then he's not worth my time. That's how needy I am.

 

And even though I didn't explain myself well and might have came across as "needy", at least I tried to communicate.

 

CG, if he's like most young guys, he's insecure and doesn't know how to handle a real relationship. You're a pretty girl and I am sure there are a ton of guys out there that would get in line to date you.

 

Thanks.

 

You don't need to tell this guy to call you.

 

I wasn't trying to tell him to call me. I was trying to ask if he was interested. Apparently I did a really bad job of it. That's pretty par for the course though.

 

Enjoy your youth and don't worry about the one that got away. There's always another waiting in the wings

 

Yeah, I know. It's just getting a little tiresome. I just want to give up on the idea of relationships. It's all more trouble than it's worth, but whenever I'm close to giving up, I meet somebody who sucks me back in.

 

Maybe he doesn't want to introduce you to the friends or have the friends know he has a gf if he makes plans with you.

 

Nah, that's not it. I've met quite a few of his friends. I've known one of them for awhile.

 

I don't know what you look like, but from your posts I always thought you were cool and smart, not so easy to find.

 

Thank you, Ariadne. You too.

 

And I like to think I look ok.

 

Most people over a certain caliber of intelligence are aware of how their actions affect others. Your guy knows that ignoring you for a week is disrespectful and hurtful. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have done that.

 

I agree with you. And the only reason I texted him yesterday was because he seems like he could be shy around girls, and the "he doesn't know where we stand" thing made me think that he doesn't think I'm interested. I tend to not show interest well. The last guy I dated thought I didn't like him and was dating a bunch of other guys.

 

I told him I missed him and want to talk to him so that I knew that I got it across to him without a doubt that I'm interested. Now if he doesn't call, I can just let it go without questioning myself.

 

If I were you, I would wait for him to get in touch, and then call him out on it. Tell him he's being rude. Tell him you have no intention of playing games, and that you demand courtesy out of your friends and acquaintances.

 

I might do that. Depends on how I feel. Right now, I'm so irritated I don't really feel like talking to him. If he tries to contact me by tonight, he might still have a chance. If not, he's done.

[konfuzd]

This guy made it pretty clear that for 10 days, he would be busy with his out of town friend, and you shouldn't expect to hear from him. Since you've only been dating 2 months, I don't think he has an obligation to call you on a certain schedule.

 

By texting him, not only once, but twice in this time that he defined, you disrespected a boundary that he had made. Guys who have a social life and a busy schedule aren't going to make you a priority so soon. If that's what you expect from a budding relationship, you need to move on, this guy isn't the type.

 

I think the message you sent when you said "I miss you" was, "I'm insecure, and I'm not going to be impressed when you choose friend time over girlfriend time" Bad move if you ask me.

[CaliGuy]

I wasn't trying to tell him to call me. I was trying to ask if he was interested. Apparently I did a really bad job of it. That's pretty par for the course though.

 

He probably doesn't know how to expresss himself very well, either.

 

Yeah, I know. It's just getting a little tiresome. I just want to give up on the idea of relationships. It's all more trouble than it's worth, but whenever I'm close to giving up, I meet somebody who sucks me back in.

 

What I found was when I stopped trying to look for relationships, they found me. Focus on being the best YOU you can be and Mr. Right will show up

 

I might do that. Depends on how I feel. Right now, I'm so irritated I don't really feel like talking to him. If he tries to contact me by tonight, he might still have a chance. If not, he's done.

 

Just be true to yourself, that's all that matters.

[crazy_grl]

Guess who called. I was at the gym, and I didn't feel like answering. BUT I was running and listening to my mp3 player (which is in my phone), and I answered accidentally. The call had been on for about 20 seconds before I realized it. Not sure whether he heard me tell my friend "look who's finally calling". Ooops!

 

I wasn't feeling that irritated when I answered. (Cranking the treadmill up to 9mph for a couple minutes tends to take the edge off.) The convo went something like this:

 

him: "hey, what's up?"

me: "not much. just at the gym."

him: "yeah, you sound out of breath."

(some brief and un-noteworthy chit chat)

him: "how long are you gonna be at the gym"

me: "maybe till 10. I'll call you when I leave if you're gonna be awake" (he usually goes to bed 10 or 11ish)

him: "I was planning to go to bed early. I can call you tomorrow. Is that ok?"

me: "Sure"

him: "My [thing he does] starts at 9. I'll call you between when I get off work and then"

me: "K"

(good-byes)

 

Not much to discuss about it that I can see, but I figured I'd share the update.

 

What I found was when I stopped trying to look for relationships, they found me. Focus on being the best YOU you can be and Mr. Right will show up

 

I'm focusing on trying NOT to find relationships. They find me anyway. Damn them.

 

And on a completely unrelated matter, I'm totally bummed that I forgot to watch Heroes tonight!

[Ariadne]

Yey!

 

--------

[oppath]

This guy made it pretty clear that for 10 days, he would be busy with his out of town friend, and you shouldn't expect to hear from him. Since you've only been dating 2 months, I don't think he has an obligation to call you on a certain schedule.

 

By texting him, not only once, but twice in this time that he defined, you disrespected a boundary that he had made. Guys who have a social life and a busy schedule aren't going to make you a priority so soon. If that's what you expect from a budding relationship, you need to move on, this guy isn't the type.

 

I think the message you sent when you said "I miss you" was, "I'm insecure, and I'm not going to be impressed when you choose friend time over girlfriend time" Bad move if you ask me.

 

This is bs. He didn't define any boundaries. If a guy likes a girl after a week, he will make time to at least talk to her if he is busy. You can have a social life and a busy schedule and talk to someone for 5 minutes. As a dude, if I've dated a girl for 2 months and she hasn't talked to me in a week, I think: she is not interested or she isn't worth a ****. I'm always free to talk for a few minutes and to make plans for 3-4 days from now. The only way I wouldn't be free were if I was not interested, and if that was the case, I'd call up a girl and tell her as soon as I realized it around the 2 week (or 2-3 date) mark.

 

Crazy girl, the only thing I can think of is maybe, he wanted you to make some effort too. I've done that with girls I couldn't tell were interested. I disappeared for a week to see if they'd contact me. If they didn't, I felt like they weren't interested. Sometimes I was wrong.

[CaliGuy]

Guess who called. I was at the gym, and I didn't feel like answering. BUT I was running and listening to my mp3 player (which is in my phone), and I answered accidentally. The call had been on for about 20 seconds before I realized it. Not sure whether he heard me tell my friend "look who's finally calling". Ooops!

 

I wasn't feeling that irritated when I answered. (Cranking the treadmill up to 9mph for a couple minutes tends to take the edge off.) The convo went something like this:

 

him: "hey, what's up?"

me: "not much. just at the gym."

him: "yeah, you sound out of breath."

(some brief and un-noteworthy chit chat)

him: "how long are you gonna be at the gym"

me: "maybe till 10. I'll call you when I leave if you're gonna be awake" (he usually goes to bed 10 or 11ish)

him: "I was planning to go to bed early. I can call you tomorrow. Is that ok?"

me: "Sure"

him: "My [thing he does] starts at 9. I'll call you between when I get off work and then"

me: "K"

(good-byes)

 

Not much to discuss about it that I can see, but I figured I'd share the update.

 

 

 

I'm focusing on trying NOT to find relationships. They find me anyway. Damn them.

 

And on a completely unrelated matter, I'm totally bummed that I forgot to watch Heroes tonight!

 

See. Nothing to worry 'bout

[crazy_grl]

This guy made it pretty clear that for 10 days, he would be busy with his out of town friend, and you shouldn't expect to hear from him. Since you've only been dating 2 months, I don't think he has an obligation to call you on a certain schedule.

 

By texting him, not only once, but twice in this time that he defined, you disrespected a boundary that he had made. Guys who have a social life and a busy schedule aren't going to make you a priority so soon. If that's what you expect from a budding relationship, you need to move on, this guy isn't the type.

 

I think the message you sent when you said "I miss you" was, "I'm insecure, and I'm not going to be impressed when you choose friend time over girlfriend time" Bad move if you ask me.

 

I didn't see this post until I saw oppath quote it. I completely disagree with you, konfuzd. There was no boundary. He didn't say "I'll be busy. Don't contact me", and if he would have, I probably wouldn't have... ever. He said something to the effect of "I'll be busy. We'll have to play it by ear." A couple weeks ago, he went to Vegas for the weekend and texted me "I'm going to Vegas. I'll talk to you next week." I didn't bother him, because who wants to be bothered when they're in Vegas? But if a guy can't spare 2 minutes over a week and a half to text me just because his friend is in town, he can go find another girl who'll put up with that BS.

 

Crazy girl' date=' the only thing I can think of is maybe, he wanted you to make some effort too. I've done that with girls I couldn't tell were interested. I disappeared for a week to see if they'd contact me. If they didn't, I felt like they weren't interested. Sometimes I was wrong.[/quote']

 

I think you're right about that, which is why I sent him the text yesterday and why I'm still giving him a chance.

 

See. Nothing to worry 'bout

 

Yeah. But I'm still a little confused. I'm probably going to ask him what's up and if he likes me. My girl friends seem to think that's what I should do.

[oppath]

crazy girl,

 

if he does like you, he'll reassure you he does. He won't find you asking that needy or desperate or anything bad. It will bring you more close. Of course, you don't want to make a big deal about it. You can simply say "I like you and enjoy spending time with you. How do you feel?" It can be a casual part of conversation.

 

Now, 2 months is not a long time to get to know someone, so I can see the point of those who say "it's too soon to push any kind of talk." However, 2 months is not too long for me to know that someone isn't right for me. I wouldn't date someone that long I wasn't into -- though I do know guys and girls who would. Around that point is when I'm willing to commit, which means I'm willing to take a risk. Like I said, I couldn't date a girl that long I did not like. Push the envelope a little. Hell, if you really want to be bold you can say "what are we?" and ask him to be your boyfriend.

[roxxi]

Crazy_girl, I can understand what you're going through. I started seeing a guy who I like a lot but could definitely improve on his communication skills.

 

Instead of giving up on him, I just sat down and told him what was on my mind and how his lack of communication was making me think he wasn't interested in me, and if that was the case he needed to let me know. Honesty is all it takes sometimes. Since then things have been awesome for both of us and I'm glad I didn't listen to the people telling me "He's Just Not that Into You."

[crazy_grl]

Hell, if you really want to be bold you can say "what are we?" and ask him to be your boyfriend.

 

Nah, I don't feel like I know him well enough to want him to be my boyfriend. I just want to know whether I'm wasting time and effort on someone who's not interested. I don't think he'll have a problem with me asking, but if he does, then I guess I'll have my answer.

 

Thanks for the adivce, oppath.

 

Crazy_girl, I can understand what you're going through. I started seeing a guy who I like a lot but could definitely improve on his communication skills.

 

Instead of giving up on him, I just sat down and told him what was on my mind and how his lack of communication was making me think he wasn't interested in me, and if that was the case he needed to let me know. Honesty is all it takes sometimes. Since then things have been awesome for both of us and I'm glad I didn't listen to the people telling me "He's Just Not that Into You."

 

Thanks. That's encouraging.

 

The way I see it, if you really like someone and they ask you whether you do, you're not going to freak out because it's "too soon". You'd be flattered and relieved that they also like you enough to be asking.

[CaliGuy]

I didn't see this post until I saw oppath quote it. I completely disagree with you, konfuzd. There was no boundary. He didn't say "I'll be busy. Don't contact me", and if he would have, I probably wouldn't have... ever. He said something to the effect of "I'll be busy. We'll have to play it by ear." A couple weeks ago, he went to Vegas for the weekend and texted me "I'm going to Vegas. I'll talk to you next week." I didn't bother him, because who wants to be bothered when they're in Vegas? But if a guy can't spare 2 minutes over a week and a half to text me just because his friend is in town, he can go find another girl who'll put up with that BS.

 

 

 

I think you're right about that, which is why I sent him the text yesterday and why I'm still giving him a chance.

 

 

 

Yeah. But I'm still a little confused. I'm probably going to ask him what's up and if he likes me. My girl friends seem to think that's what I should do.

 

I think it's well within your right to ask where you stand. The funny thing is, when the relationship is right, you shouldn't have to ask. You both should be on the same page and he probably should be communicating better.

 

You know how I mentioned earlier in my past relationships where I had noticed red flags but ignored them? If you're seeing red flags with this guy, it would do you well to heed them. Gotta respect yourself if you expect others to respect you.

 

Let us know how it goes!

[Pyro]

The guy I've been dating hasn't called me for over a week. Last weekend, I told him he should call me and that it makes me wonder whether or not he's interested when he doesn't. He told me he'd be busy, because his friend is coming to visit for 10 days. I said it was okay if he was too busy to call. But I figured he would at least text me or something to assure me he's still interested. Nothing. Can anybody be that busy? How long does it really take to send a text?

 

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now (though I didn't realize it was that long until I looked at the date on my text messages). I was going to just drop it and move on, then a mutual friend told me that he'd said he likes me but doesn't know where we stand (wtf is that supposed to mean anyway). So I figured maybe he needed more assurance or something from me. I sent him a text yesterday morning that just said "hi. how've you been?" He didn't respond and in the evening I sent another one to saying "guess you're still busy. I was hoping you could make time for me cause I've kinda missed you. Hopefully I'll talk to you later. Have a good evening." No answer from him.

 

I don't' get it. He always acted as if he liked me when he was with me. He didn't call very much though. In my previous experience, that's a sign of a guy who's not interested but still willing to take advantage of a girl's interest. That's why I've stopped pursuing guys. There are too many who do that.

 

Why would he tell his friend that he likes me but not put any effort into pursuing me? He would do things like asking me to hang out on sat when he saw me with mutual friends on thurs, but he wouldn't call me to ask before that. I just don't understand his behavior, but I'm thinking he's just not interested in me.

 

Anyone got any enlightening perspectives on this?

 

Wow. That is strange. It doesn't take any time to send a text or make a quick call. IMO he has lost interest.

 

Have you had sex with him yet? He could have only been with you for the sex and if you are holding out, then this shows just how he feels, but hopefully I am wrong.

[crazy_grl]

I think it's well within your right to ask where you stand. The funny thing is, when the relationship is right, you shouldn't have to ask. You both should be on the same page and he probably should be communicating better.

 

I know what you mean, but if I don't ask, I doubt I'll ever be able to just assume a guy really likes me. I've wrongly made that assumption too many times to trust my instincts on that. The only way I think I'd be able to do that is if the guy were going overboard in showing his interest, but that's not really fair to expect of someone.

 

You know how I mentioned earlier in my past relationships where I had noticed red flags but ignored them? If you're seeing red flags with this guy, it would do you well to heed them. Gotta respect yourself if you expect others to respect you.

 

It could be a red flag and it could be just miscommunication. It'd be pretty hypocritical of me to hold miscommunication against someone. I'll see how things play out, but I think it's either a sign that he's not interested or he didn't know whether I was. As long as he's not like the last guy I dated... I don't think there's anything I could have done to convince that guy I liked him. He was completely insecure.

 

Let us know how it goes!

 

Will do.

 

Wow. That is strange. It doesn't take any time to send a text or make a quick call. IMO he has lost interest.

 

Maybe. We'll see.

 

Have you had sex with him yet? He could have only been with you for the sex and if you are holding out, then this shows just how he feels, but hopefully I am wrong.

 

No, I haven't. You could be right, but he just doesn't seem like that type.

[CaliGuy]

I know what you mean, but if I don't ask, I doubt I'll ever be able to just assume a guy really likes me. I've wrongly made that assumption too many times to trust my instincts on that. The only way I think I'd be able to do that is if the guy were going overboard in showing his interest, but that's not really fair to expect of someone.

 

If you have to know, then ask him. My guess is he won't be completely honest either way. Most young guys aren't even sure what they want themselves.

 

It could be a red flag and it could be just miscommunication. It'd be pretty hypocritical of me to hold miscommunication against someone. I'll see how things play out, but I think it's either a sign that he's not interested or he didn't know whether I was. As long as he's not like the last guy I dated... I don't think there's anything I could have done to convince that guy I liked him. He was completely insecure.

 

Insecurities = ick!

 

The thing about red flags is they aren't always easy to spot during the initial phase of a relationship. It's only in hindsight do they become gigantic

 

No, I haven't. You could be right, but he just doesn't seem like that type.

 

Here's an "atta girl!" from me

[Kamille]

Crazy girl, the only thing I can think of is maybe, he wanted you to make some effort too. I've done that with girls I couldn't tell were interested. I disappeared for a week to see if they'd contact me. If they didn't, I felt like they weren't interested. Sometimes I was wrong.

 

Sorry to thread jack but it is somehat related...

 

Guys test out girls too? At the beginning of relationship? See, I think I used to know this, but lately I have just been way too brainwashed by the not-into-you syndrome. And so I kick guys to the curb as soon as they demonstrate even an ounce of waning interest.

 

It's just so hard to draw where the line is, but I think that in CG's case, the line hasn't been crossed yet.

 

And this proves, dear CG, that there is no better course of action then honesty. And you sound like you've already got that covered. Plus you sond like you have a good head on your shoulder. If this guy doesn't see that, his loss, his loss.

[crazy_grl]

Apparently he's not interested. He says he has fun with me, but he's pretty much been in relationships consistently for like 4 or 5 years. This is the first time he's able to just do what he wants. He's not ready for anything and my text made him realize that he didn't want to lead me on.

 

Oh well. I'm not upset about it.

[Pyro]

Apparently he's not interested. He says he has fun with me, but he's pretty much been in relationships consistently for like 4 or 5 years. This is the first time he's able to just do what he wants. He's not ready for anything and my text made him realize that he didn't want to lead me on.

 

Oh well. I'm not upset about it.

 

Did he just tell you all of that?

 

Thats the right attitude to have.