heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 So I posted an ad online about a week ago and got great responses. One in particular stood out and we emailed everyday last week. He was very forthcoming in his emails and told me a lot about himself so I felt that I knew him pretty well. Last friday i emailed him my phone number, he texts me, we text back and forth for a while, then he calls and we talk for about an hour and a half. We decide to meet up that night for a drink at a bar near his house. We hit it off right away, we had a great connection, and I went back to his house with him. We talked for a while and he was very sweet, he held my hand, called me hon, I could tell he was really into me, he kissed me, one thing led to another, we ended up sleeping together . He asked me to stay over, cuddled the whole night, and the next morning walked me out, kissed me and said 'We'll talk soon'. And now it has been two days, nothing. I emailed him this morning and nothing.... Am I freaking out about nothing? I can tell that he's into me, and we talked that night about how we didn't really expect all that to happen... but what if I totally screwed everything up? aaargh!
spookie Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I think it's too soon to be completely certain whether or not you'll see him again, but the fact that he slept with you and still hasn't called means he's either very inconsiderate, psychotically insecure, or isn't into you. Likely the third, with a twinge of the first or second. I never realized this until the guy I'm dating now explained it to me, but apparently it's true that some guys actually lose respect for girls they sleep with on the first date. That seems incredibly hypocritical and WRONG to me, but as he put it, that's how you feel, and feelings aren't controlled by your head. So next time, wait a while to make sure he;s not one of those guys.
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 That's what I was scared of, but his behavior after the fact kind of led me to believe that he isn't one of those guys who will lose respect... I do know he had to work all day yesterday, but I thought I would have at least gotten a response to my email today...
Cobra_X30 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I never realized this until the guy I'm dating now explained it to me, but apparently it's true that some guys actually lose respect for girls they sleep with on the first date. That seems incredibly hypocritical and WRONG to me, but as he put it, that's how you feel, and feelings aren't controlled by your head. So next time, wait a while to make sure he;s not one of those guys. Yes thats true! But it isnt just some dumb uncontrollable feeling. If a guy scores on the first date... he figures your easy! If your easy that means he is nothing special to you. What guy wants to be nothing special? Now, If you are in the regular habit of putting out on the first date... and you find a guy that you like so you lock that down like fort knox... Your going to make him feel like a loser. Especially if he finds out how easy you were 3 months into a relationship. Cause in the end... why would a guy want to feel like a loser?
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Well i told him I wasn't in the habit of doing that on the first date, and he said he didn't think so.... but then again we are both consenting adults, so what is the big deal? We were both there - and I was not the initiator...
oppath Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Well i told him I wasn't in the habit of doing that on the first date, and he said he didn't think so.... but then again we are both consenting adults, so what is the big deal? We were both there - and I was not the initiator... Whenever things get sexual with a woman on a first date -- or the night I met her -- and she says "I never do things like this," when I'm kissing her neck and she can't see my face, my eyes are rolling in the back of my head. that sounds so terrible, and it is. When guys hear something like that, they rarely believe it. If you are not in the habit of doing it on the first date, then don't do it on the first date, especially someone you met online! It can be tough to hold her hand/kiss her if it is the first online date, because it is the first time you've ever even talked face to face. I'm pretty bold. I definitely would lose respect for a girl I met online who slept with me the first night. I'd lose respect if she were letting me touch her more than the occasional hand on the back through the doorway because I'd think "why is this so easy?"
fray718 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Whenever things get sexual with a woman on a first date -- or the night I met her -- and she says "I never do things like this," when I'm kissing her neck and she can't see my face, my eyes are rolling in the back of my head. that sounds so terrible, and it is. When guys hear something like that, they rarely believe it. If you are not in the habit of doing it on the first date, then don't do it on the first date, especially someone you met online! It can be tough to hold her hand/kiss her if it is the first online date, because it is the first time you've ever even talked face to face. I'm pretty bold. I definitely would lose respect for a girl I met online who slept with me the first night. I'd lose respect if she were letting me touch her more than the occasional hand on the back through the doorway because I'd think "why is this so easy?" yea i mean for me when i meet people online it's nothing more than a hug when we part. At most i got was a quick kiss on the cheek by a guy and that even was a bit surprising.
spookie Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 What gets me about guys who say they lose respect for girls THEY sleep with on the first date, is that THEY are willing participants as well. Does that mean they have no self-respect, as well? Or just double-standrads? That's why it's hypocritical. Either you are engaging in an activity that makes you lose respect for yourself as well, or you think men are entitled to do things that women are not.
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Was the sex good at least? YES!!!!!!!
Art_Critic Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 You were a booty call.. If you wanted more than sex then you should have waited to have sex.. now the foundation is set..Sex.. He most likely will only call you to bone you.. if he does call you be very carefull or you will wind up with a FWB situation and yu will wonder why he only sleeps with you..
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 What gets me about guys who say they lose respect for girls THEY sleep with on the first date, is that THEY are willing participants as well. Does that mean they have no self-respect, as well? Or just double-standrads? That's why it's hypocritical. Either you are engaging in an activity that makes you lose respect for yourself as well, or you think men are entitled to do things that women are not. Exactly!! It's so hypocritical, I don't think any less of him because he was there, and in fact I have had ltr's that started with one night things, that's why I am shocked that there has been no contact after such a great connection (even before the sex), and he even made comments to me after the sex, saying 'well once you know me better', totally insinuating that we would be hanging out again. that's why I am so confused and frustrated! ugh! I think I am going to go drink a bottle of wine...
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 What gets me about guys who say they lose respect for girls THEY sleep with on the first date, is that THEY are willing participants as well. Does that mean they have no self-respect, as well? Or just double-standrads? That's why it's hypocritical. Either you are engaging in an activity that makes you lose respect for yourself as well, or you think men are entitled to do things that women are not. It's not hypocritical - It's not about the guy losing respect for himself. It's about losing respect for the person who just gave up the booty that easily, to anyone, period. In the same way a guy loses respect for a girl who gives it up easily, a girl can just as easily lose respect for him for the same reason. If, and only if, he throws a temper tantrum over HER losing respect for HIM when HE's already lost respect for HER does it become hypocritical. But I really don't think the guys who move on after hittin' it quickly really give a rat's a$$ what the girl thinks. And oppath is so right - guys NEVER believe the, "I never do this..." line. Would you? I mean, seriously?
oppath Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 And oppath is so right - guys NEVER believe the, "I never do this..." line. Would you? I mean, seriously? Imagine a guy saying that line who wasn't shy or awkward . That would be like a guy saying "It's not you, it's me, I don't know who I am and need to find myself." Hypocritical? No. It would be hypocritical if I expected a girl I slept with the first night I met her, to be hopeful to develop a longterm relationship with me. It would be hypocritical only if sex = long term interest. It does not. When I have sex with a woman I like and am interested in the possibility of a relationship with, I am having sex with her for who she is as a person, because who she is as a person intrigues me and makes me happy. I have sex with her, because she contributes to my happiness in general, my sexual happiness in particular. There is no way a woman can intrigue me that much or make me happy after 1 meeting. If I have sex with her after 1 meeting, she contributes to my sexual happiness in general. Even if I enjoyed my time, it is my sexual happiness she contributes to. Therefore, if I am happy with that part of my life after having gotten laid, I won't call her, because she does not contribute to my overall happiness in general, outside of sex.
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Exactly!! It's so hypocritical, I don't think any less of him because he was there, It's your option though to think less of him. Just because you choose not to doesn't mean it's hypocritical.
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Imagine a guy saying that line who wasn't shy or awkward . That would be like a guy saying "It's not you, it's me, I don't know who I am and need to find myself." Hypocritical? No. It would be hypocritical if I expected a girl I slept with the first night I met her, to be hopeful to develop a longterm relationship with me. It would be hypocritical only if sex = long term interest. It does not. When I have sex with a woman I like and am interested in the possibility of a relationship with, I am having sex with her for who she is as a person, because who she is as a person intrigues me and makes me happy. I have sex with her, because she contributes to my happiness in general, my sexual happiness in particular. There is no way a woman can intrigue me that much or make me happy after 1 meeting. If I have sex with her after 1 meeting, she contributes to my sexual happiness in general. Even if I enjoyed my time, it is my sexual happiness she contributes to. Therefore, if I am happy with that part of my life after having gotten laid, I won't call her, because she does not contribute to my overall happiness in general, outside of sex. Well, that sucks cause I really liked him.... I guess now I will have to go out with those other guys that want me to meet them now... I just thought he was great, guess I screwed up though. I'll have to be more careful next time I guess..... that sucks! thanks though guys!
marley_86 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I went through the same thing, i thought he liked me. But he never called. I didn't sleep with him though, just fooled around and its been two weeks.
Krytie TV Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 It's your option though to think less of him. Just because you choose not to doesn't mean it's hypocritical. Totally agree, and with oppath too. By losing respect for you after sleeping with you on the first date, we're not necessarily calling you a slut, just saying that while it was fun, you obvious "fly loose". I wouldn't want to be serious with a girl that I know was capable of sleeping with a guy after being face to face for a couple hours. That's the kind of girl I would expect to find out later got "trashed" one night and cheated on me. Just too... easy... and obviously has low inhibitions. Also, though I don't so much subscribe to this concept, others seem to. If the man is about the thrill of the pursuit, well, thrill gone. And no, I never believe the crap line about , "I don't usually do this on a first date..." I find it amusing actually.
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Well I just think it's weird because even after the fact I could tell he was really into me, and he continually made comments about us later on down the line... that's why it's so confusing.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 i get what she's saying though, and it's hardly unusual for a girl to wonder why she is 'the loose one' when she obviously was not alone in the sexual act. it's like 2 thieves leaving a store with stolen hams; they go home, cook and eat the ham together, and then one says to the other "i can't be friends with a thief, sorry." kinda strange. not saying it doesn't happen, because it obviously does, but it is an odd way of thinking.
Author heidiQ Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 i get what she's saying though, and it's hardly unusual for a girl to wonder why she is 'the loose one' when she obviously was not alone in the sexual act. it's like 2 thieves leaving a store with stolen hams; they go home, cook and eat the ham together, and then one says to the other "i can't be friends with a thief, sorry." kinda strange. not saying it doesn't happen, because it obviously does, but it is an odd way of thinking. I know, why all the double standards? We are grownups, and once you pass a certain age what's the point in playing games anymore, If I want to have sex with someone I will. And I am not the kind of girl who would get drunk and cheat on someone either, Krytie.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 i get what she's saying though, and it's hardly unusual for a girl to wonder why she is 'the loose one' when she obviously was not alone in the sexual act. it's like 2 thieves leaving a store with stolen hams; they go home, cook and eat the ham together, and then one says to the other "i can't be friends with a thief, sorry." kinda strange. not saying it doesn't happen, because it obviously does, but it is an odd way of thinking. ??? If you consider the male view of sexuality then it makes perfect sense. If you think of this as just one act with one man, then you are a fool! Any guy with self respect and an ounce of brains, is going to realize that he is just one guy in a crowd of lovers. Who wants that? Here is the issue you don't seem to get. Men typically value innocence and lack of experience. Women rarely value that! Why snivel about it? Live, Learn, Roll with the punches.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 ??? If you consider the male view of sexuality then it makes perfect sense. If you think of this as just one act with one man, then you are a fool! Any guy with self respect and an ounce of brains, is going to realize that he is just one guy in a crowd of lovers. Who wants that? Here is the issue you don't seem to get. Men typically value innocence and lack of experience. Women rarely value that! Why snivel about it? Live, Learn, Roll with the punches. that's not what i meant. i'm not saying guys don't feel that way, i am saying it's an odd way of thinking. it's the whole "i can do it, but you can't" mentality that is bothersome to the OP. if, as according to you, women rarely value innocence and lack of experience, they still value being considered equal, and a man saying "i can eff you but you can't eff me back without being a dirty hussy" is pretty ridiculous, no matter how you slice it. saying "i can do something but you can't" IS hypocritical, even if you feel that way and it's your right to feel that way. and who's snivelling?
marlena Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 If you consider the male view of sexuality then it makes perfect sense. I beg to defer. Just because it's a typical view of sexuality does not mean it makes sense. It just means that men unfortunately still think like their ancestors did. Perhaps it's about time this typical view which undoubtedly expresses a double- standard should be re -examined. It is sexist and very discriminating. A mature and intelligent man would not set this as a prime criteria for wanting to further a relationship with a woman or not. Rather he would base his decision on other qualities a woman may have such as intelligence, maturity, confidence, personality and character. i find this return to a puritan way of thinking very disconcerting to say the least. If a man had this kind of mindset, I know I would find him not only unattractive but a cretin as well.
marlena Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Ph, and Heidi. You really wouldn't want someone like this, would you? If your perception on this is so radically different then I am almost certain you would not be compatible in other things as well! So, sweetie, good riddance, I say.
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