gonetildecember Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Ok.. today i'm pretty sure i'm just being a crazy person.. but i'm in such an ugh mood. i've been dating my bf for three months.. and i guess it can be attributed to the fact that we're starting to get comfortable and the "honeymoon" phase is over.. but for the first time this weekend i felt like he didn't miss me as much or wasn't into it as much as i am. he lives about 2 hour away so we generally talk twice a day and see each other usually every other weekend.. (we're both in university.. so we're kinda busy).. and things are good.. i can't really complain... friday my ex bf.. whom those of u who remember my stories from the last year or so know cheated on me and basically crushed me to the point where i thought i could never trust another male.. called and just wanted to check up/kinda thing.. the conversation was fine and i told him about my new bf.. and we left everything normally.. but i dunno.. now im just so paranoid that my current bf isn't happy or is gonna cheat on me or cheating on me.. and i hate this feeling.. because i trust him.. but i dont know.. the long distance factor plus the fact that maybe he's more comfy so he doesnt profess his love to me daily anymore.. are making me paranoid.. i;ve also noticed that this weekend (over the phone and when i went to see him) i tried to pick fights or jsut kept looking for flaws or evidence of him not being happy with me... i dont wanna do this..im just so nervous.. i just keep thinking.. can things really be good with us.. or am i just gonna get screwed again.? is this sort of thinking normal?
tanbark813 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I'm sure part of it is being conditioned from your last relationship. You were extremely hurt by a previous relationship and now that it's possible again, your defenses are going up. It's like if a dog is beaten regularly by its owner then it will instinctively shy away from anyone else trying to pet it. You also sound like you might have some self-esteem issues. Maybe you don't think you're good enough to keep him from straying or keep him interested.
blind_otter Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 It does sound like you have insecurity and self esteem issues. The short answer is to get some counseling to free yourself from these issues. The long answer would fill up a book. Counseling isn't that expensive and doesn't have to be seriously intensive. I pay about $60 per session and see my therapist once a month. In university you probably have resources available for free or at much lower cost. Just something to think about. You are having an identifiable, clear issue and you know where you're at, and are aware of where you'd like to be, so this would be an ideal issue to get counseling about.
Author gonetildecember Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 I agree.. at the beginning of my last relationship i was super confident, happy, never doubted him for a second... and now i just feel like that's how i want to be with my current bf.. seeing how he treats me compared to how my ex did.. i can see all the warning signs i didnt see before.. i want to be able to be the person i was originally with him.. but im soooo scared that when i let my guard down i'm gonna get f*cked. When we first got together.. i was on top of the world and had NO doubts.. i think its the phone call from the ex.. that just reminded me that ppl can talk but actions can still be different you know. i just dont want my past to ruin my future.. when i really want this to work.
LoveLace Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I"m going through the same thing with my BF...just wanted to let ya know your not alone and i feel the same way sometimes! And we also live close to 2 hrs. away from each other; in the beginning it was all just a for-sure thing and now things appear to be changing and I'm freaking out...so good luck I"m with ya..
Author gonetildecember Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 Yeah i actually care about this working out more than my last relationship i realise.. which is what scares me.. lately he's been telling me he misses me less and it just seems like u know his interest level is declining.. altho he is totally loving and calls and asks me to come see him and comes to see me etc.. i think its just that he is getting comfortable so it is not necessary to say it everyday.. but i have all these fears in my head because of the last guy im hoping thats what it is at least :S
daphne Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Gone, I've been there, in teh scared place wondering if I'm dating another psycho. The last guy I dated turned out to be a real schmuck, but the difference is, I was more aware of his agenda and the red flags. And although he let me down considerably, I was relatively ok after the breakup. I've learned to trust myself and my gut, and know that even if a guy royally screws me over, I can walk away and know that the life I want to live does not include a selfish or toxic person. You just have to realize that it has nothing to do with you when they cheat, treat you bad or abuse you. It's them. Once you know that completely, I think you can trust yourself.
Author gonetildecember Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 I hear you daphne after my last relationship it took me a while to look at another male, let alone get involved with one.. but i trusted my current bf right from the start.. and to this day i have never had a reason to doubt him. I think my discomfort at the moment is a combo of the ex popping up and the fact that maybe males don't need communication/reassurance as much as women do (we are in a LDR) and that frustrates me sometimes... and it doesn't seem to affect him the same way...
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