wmrjw82 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 For those of you who have been listening to my threads since August I really appreciate it. I thought I would give you an update as to the situation because things have changed drastically. I'm not quite sure if its for the better or the worse but things have definitely changed. As you know, i've been blaming myself for everything under the sun for the last 2 months after she broke up with me. I had been talking to her thru text about issues we were having. Last week I showed up with roses and poured my heart out to her, which is ofcourse rejected. She'd always respond and tell me what I did wrong, etc. etc. I'd respond and apologize (even though deep down I could never pinpoint why she broke up with me) this repeated itself over and over. She said she had put up a wall and that it was my actions and her defenses that had put up this wall. Then came the bomb... She text'd me... "all i ever wanted you to do was show me I was more important and you couldn't do that". WTF?! Here I was depressed as hell everyday, crying, sobbing, missing her and always letting her know how much I loved her and then she tells me that. So I said screw it. I know the ultimate way to show her how important she is to me.... You guessed it. My dumbass shelled out the money for the ring and dropped to one knee right in front of her and proposed. What was her response? "This isn't fair to me and it isn't fair to you." And then said no. That was yesterday and when she told me that it was a different kind of heartache. Don't get wrong, I had felt like complete and utter misery for the last 2 months but to come that far and to give her what I thought was the ultimate sign of commitment for life, and her reaction was to reject it....well. In a way I woke up. This is why i'm saying I don't know if its for the better or worse because my heart is in shock and I feel that i've loved someone who didn't really love me. I realized for the first time in my life that if she loved me like I did her she WOULDN'T BE ABLE to leave. I wasn't perfect but I realized that inside I must have known she wasn't giving me everything and that's why i began to pull away. My instincts tell me she still has feelings for her daughter's father but its pretty pointless to speculate anymore. The point is she didn't really love me. I see her pattern now. We would get to a certain point and she would pull away and then blame me for the failure of the relationship. I feel like such a fool. To believe in her eyes and her words what she had said so many times. "I'm not happy when i'm with you". Those words still ring in my head because i'm in such shock at how good of an actress she is. If only she could have just maturely told me the truth. If only she could have just said "I don't love you" instead putting all the blame on me and killing my self confidence. I wouldn't have had to gone through this for 2 months. Perhaps the only good thing to come of this is the need to contact her is officially gone. There's nothing left to say and nothing left to do but sit in this heartache knowing i gave everything I could to someone who couldn't do the same. Realizing it had nothing to do with yourself sometimes hurts the most.
mike5770 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 This woman is driving you insane and will continue to drive you insane until you make the decision to extracate her from your life. When you decide to make that decision you need to stop contacting her in any way and if she contacts you say "I'm sorry but I am busy right now having sex with my two new girlfriends..i wish you well and have a nice life." This woman is getting satisfaction by driving you insane and when you totally cut her off, that is the only time you can begin to heal, because it isn't going to get any better until then. I know it is tough as you obviously love this woman, so it will be hard to not talking to her, but that is what you have to do to get any better. You can do it! After accomplishing this you will be on your way to finding someone who will appreciate you and your thoughtfulness and your flowers and ring. Good luck!
marty Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 she sounds similar to my ex. very one sided relationship, giving far too much of myself to it, when looking back she was really only worried about her situation. you dont see it all until the pain of loss starts to fade. in my own thread i said i wasnt lookin at it through rose coloured glasses,,, it wasnt that at all. i just shut everything out for fear of being on my own. she let me take all the blame too. i was saying sorry to stuff that wasnt even my fault. never once did she say sorry for all the dishonesty she showed me. it nearly drove me over the edge, blaming myself for everything. but now i see it for how it is. stop blaming yourself,, its ALWAYS 50/50. i'm sure theres things you wish you had done differently,, and you've shown your remorse about that by blaming yourself , analysing it,,and learning from it. but is/has she? you have the knowledge that you'll improve yourself and be stronger experiencing this whole episode of your life,, in my opinion, it doesnt seem like she's gonna learn anything. its quite sad when you think about it.
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Posted October 1, 2007 stop blaming yourself,, its ALWAYS 50/50. i'm sure theres things you wish you had done differently,, and you've shown your remorse about that by blaming yourself , analysing it,,and learning from it. but is/has she? That's a very good way of putting it Marty. And yes, there is definitely some things I will always blame myself for but the punishment definitely didnt fit the crime and I realize that now. I realize now how she gets through everyday. She refuses to look in the mirror and labels me a horrible person. Her "wall" as she calls it is full of hate for me. Well you know what? She can have that wall and feel secure behind it because in my opinion she will never really know what love is by having those walls. Love is about forgiveness and I think i've done more than my fair share with this girl.
Sanslatete Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 That's a very good way of putting it Marty. And yes, there is definitely some things I will always blame myself for but the punishment definitely didnt fit the crime and I realize that now. I realize now how she gets through everyday. She refuses to look in the mirror and labels me a horrible person. Her "wall" as she calls it is full of hate for me. Well you know what? She can have that wall and feel secure behind it because in my opinion she will never really know what love is by having those walls. Love is about forgiveness and I think i've done more than my fair share with this girl. Yes, I know that one. I got dumped very unceremoniously and tried to be Mr. nice guy and not give her any grief. But after being blanked for over a month now it's time to say **** it and get on with my life. I still hope she gets eaten by lions though.
Green Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 That was really silly of you to propose under these conditions (lots of guys do it).... the thing about love is it can come and go, some times its there for only a short time its an energy
tinke Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 KMT, after reading your posts, i have to ask.....do you EVER offer any supportive words?
tinke Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 wmrj, you did what you felt you needed to do..no worries. at least now you have no wonders, you received the validation needed to begin healing. it took a great deal of courage to do what you did...no regrets! but, it is done...so please try to focus on rebuilding you. the more you retain that contact, the longer it keeps it in the present, making it very difficult to move into the future. i'm sorry for your pain, please know in time, these feelings WILL lessen. slowly, you will find you, again. take care
lonelybuthappy Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 I realize now how she gets through everyday. She refuses to look in the mirror and labels me a horrible person. Her "wall" as she calls it is full of hate for me. Well you know what? She can have that wall and feel secure behind it because in my opinion she will never really know what love is by having those walls. Love is about forgiveness and I think i've done more than my fair share with this girl. She is such person. Like my ex, full of drama, insecure, heavy nature. I was in your shoes, begged her on my knees , but after 6 months she broke up with me for the second time. But I am lucky I didn't marry her. I'm in strictly NC since then (almost 5 months)... And yes, she labeled me a horrible person as well. I'm not care. Let her behind her wall, and move on with your life. Go NC, you must heal yourself. No calls, no txts, no mails, nothing.... Take care, you will heal, just be very patient.
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