Jump to content

Seeing the Ex, first time in 4 months


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

I haven't been on here in awhile, thought I was getting over things, moving on etc. Last Friday I went to a friend's restaurant to see a few friends that were in town for the weekend. Apparently my ex had the same idea, we shared a lot of friends, still do.

She found out that I was there, got real emotional, teared up and left. I only saw the back of her. This is totally confusing to me. She broke up with me about 4 months ago, then left for the Virgin Islands for 2 months. I haven't had any contact with her since then until an email I recieved that very same Friday from her. She wants to meet me, apparently she couldn't do the reintroduction at the restaurant but wants to meet me.

WTF?

I wouldn't expect her to still be upset about the whole thing, I am a little, but I was the one who got dumped.

So, here's my question, this is directed at the ladies but if anyone has any thoughts please reply. Why is she still upset? Why does she tear up when she sees me? Isn't the break up what she wanted?

Posted

You know what I will never understand? The fact that these ex's do stuff like that. When I see my ex, she's slipped and called me honey, gotten close to me, and acts kind of like the old her. But it's only when she's around me. Other than that, if I don't see her, she acts like an ex.

 

Like your ex. Seeing you and everything comes flooding back. When your apart she is totally different I assume. Why do people deny their feelings like that?? Its one of the biggest things I will never understand. If they act all upset like that, why did they dump us? Just my .02

Posted

It doesnt necessarily mean that she wants to get back together. Sometimes you just still love the person, even though you would not want to get back together. If she hasnt seen you at all for such a long time, and not since the break-up, then I can see how that would be emotional for her.

Posted

It's hard to say why she acted like that. Maybe she is having a hard time dealing with the breakup even if she was the who did it. Is this the first time that you have seen each other since breaking up? She must be thinking about you and the relationship if she sent you an email that she wanted meet. I guess she wasn't expecting you to be there and she couldn't deal with it when you were or she thought she could deal with it, but seeing you brought back to many emotions.

 

The same thing happened with my exbf and I. He became friends with one of my friends that I knew before I dated him. Recently was my friends b-day so he had a little get together and invited my ex. I knew it was going to be hard but I was fine with him being there, I also wanted him to see that even though he broke things off I was still doing okay. My ex knew that I was going to be there.

 

When my ex first showed up things were okay but within a 1/2 hour he changed. He just sat in the chair next to (mind you there were plenty of open seats when he came but he chose to sit right next to me) and just drank his beer with his sunglasses on and didn't talk to anyone. He stayed for about an hour or so and then abruptly left saying that something had come up. I don't know why he acted that way, he was the one who broke up with me.

 

The only thing that I can think of is that during our break up I did NC and when I did have to contact him I made sure it was strictly about the joint issues and nothing else. Also why I was at the party I just acted like he wasn't there and was having a good time with my friends and I guess he didn't like that. But I had to do that for me, it was the only way that I could get through that situation.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the replies.

I don't expect us to get back together, it's just confusing that she's still emotional about it. I've talked to our mutual friends about her before, they say that can't talk to her about me because she starts crying.

I guess what I'm saying is that I would expect the situation to be reversed, me being the one who gets upset when I see her, because I was the one who got dumped. But I'm not and she is, go figure.

That's not to say that I feel great when I see her, it just doesn't make me as upset.

Posted

Maybe she is feeling guilty about the breakup and that is why she is emotional or she realized that she has made a mistake.

Posted

Well from my experience there was a lot of confusion and sadness after I broke things off with my ex almost 5 months ago (and I didn't really make a clean break) I found myself doubting my decision, missing him and wondering if with time I would know for certain that I had made the right choice. I unfortunatley acted in a selfish manner and left him hanging a bit. It's because I was unsure. I still loved this person but we had some issues. It's worse now because he is dating someone else. I found that my life revolved around our life together. I loved him, I still do and the idea that he will not be there to share everything with me is traumatic. Just because we broke up does not mean the love dies right away. That's what I didn't realize. Moving on is so much harder that I thought. She may feel the same way, I don't know.. I hope this gives you a little bit of perspective..

Posted

Also, I felt like we failed. That I failed and I had regret about how I handled things. I wondered if I was giving up when I shouldn't. However, my relationship ending is for the best.. at least that's what everyone tells me. I just need to start believing it.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks NewToTheBlogThing, that does put some perspective on the whole thing.

I maybe should of prefaced the blog with the whole story. Essentially last march my father died, then my grandmother died in April, my ex's grandfather then died in the middle of May. We had been planning a trip to the Virgin Islands the beginning of June, I was going to stay for two weeks, she was going to stay for 2 months(She has family there and doesn't work in the summer because she's a teacher). Two weeks before our trip she ended the relationship saying that she wasn't happy.

Most of my friends(her friends as well) still don't understand what happened and are not totally sure why she did it. They even go as far to say that she doesn't know why she did it. Most of the friends who have spoken to her said she spent her vacation not dealing with it, and is till not dealing with it.

To me it seems like she just ran away, which I totally understand given the circumstances, hell I wanted to run away, but that's not the kind of person that I am.

So, fast forward to now. I'm just a little confused about the whole thing, but I think you guys are probably right, she stills loves and cares about me, she's just trying to process the last couple of months. It's just hard for me to imagine breaking up with someone, but still have enough feelings for them that when I saw them it would make me upset. Usually when I've broken up with a girlfriend I was totally confident about my decision and when I saw them I wouldn't get upset, I would just be glad that they had moved on, or moved towards making themselves happy.

Posted

Sorry to hear about all of your trauma, sounds like youve been through alot.

Maybe its enough speculation on where she is at.

When are you going to meet her? :D

Posted

zebrasan, perhaps the passing of so many people she knew caused her to act out and terminate the relationship. You never know how people are going to act under stress. Perhaps she was so overwhelmed with grief that she struck out - and not necessarily in the best way.

 

Alot of people have told me that my ex got cold feet and the reason for the break-up was irrational. Regardless of what the reason was, it happened and you know that he/she had at least considered it prior to actually moving forward with the break-up.

 

What she's feeling now might be residual emotion/guilt for her actions. If the break-up was caused by emotional stress, seeing you might have just brought everything back to the surface.

 

Good luck to you.

Posted

I would agree with Grace112. That is quite a lot to deal with and there is the possibility that she was unable to cope with her loss, your loss AND the relationship. I can't even begin to know how she felt or how you must be feeling. i am so sorry for your loss. 10 years later and I am still dealing with the loss of my father.

 

I imagine she's going through it.. seeing you could have triggered a ton of emotions. She might not have been able to deal. She wants to meet with you, is that right?

Posted

Oh and P.S in my 34 years, I have had one other break up when I was in college. So this feeling is new to me and I wish I could do what you do. Wish them the best etc.. I am hanging on and I feel like I can't shake the feeling. This man was my life and letting go and moving on has proved to be EXTREMELY difficult even though deep down it is probably for the best. I mean, insanely difficult.. it's hard to understand why I am built this way, but it's just the way I grieve I guess. I am only dealing with it now, 5months later. So actually I understand her a emotional state.

  • Author
Posted

I definitely agree. A lot of people told me the death of loved ones makes you think about where your own life is heading(I know it did for me) and can make or break a relationship. I also agree with the idea that she just couldn't deal, totally understandable, and took off. Heck, it's a lot to deal, on her side as well as mine.

It's been an interesting 6 months to say the least, but frankly it's been for the good. Nothing like a good kick in the ass to make you reconsider the direction that your life is taking.

I just got an email from her, she wants to email for awhile before we meet up, "baby steps" as she put it. But she did mention that she was really glad to be in contact again. Guess it's just nice to know that it hasn't been a walk in the park for her either.

If I've learned anything the last couple months, it's how important it is to pay attention to the view while life takes you for a ride.

Posted

Just be careful you don't undo the progress you've made and don't fall head over hells for her again :)

×
×
  • Create New...